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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706343">Pride &amp; Purrejudice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapslikethis/pseuds/snapslikethis'>snapslikethis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Pride and Prejudice Fusion, F/M, Hijinks &amp; Shenanigans, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), idiots to lovers, some people are cats</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:49:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>60,175</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapslikethis/pseuds/snapslikethis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>With an overbearing sister, a famous cat, and drama that follows wherever she goes, uni student Lily’s life is already a balancing act. And when a nest of rich single men slide into a long-vacant mansion on the outskirts of town, Lily insists to her housemates that it’s none of their concern. She’s never been more wrong.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>427</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>496</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_lrightevans/gifts">a_lrightevans</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily:</em> Lily</p><p><em>Petunia</em>: Lily Marie</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> LILY MARIE EVANS!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> jfc tuney im in class</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> It’s very important!</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Have you heard the News about Netherfield?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> that a band?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> No, Lily! The house on Elm Street!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> v specific</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> The Mansion, Lily. </p><p><em>Lily: </em>?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Don’t be ridiculous! We took that tour last year, remember?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ...ok?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> It’s been leased! (Finally.) Saw Yvonne at the gym, she told me everything.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Lily, are you even listening?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> im in a tutorial. LEARNING</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> You skipped two last week!</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Anyway, Yvonne ran into Ms. Bagshot at the hairdresser yesterday. (Bathilda Bagshot, that is. And not the hairdresser on Birch Street, the one on Oak Road.) She (Yvonne, not Bathilda) had to switch because that girl from Birch Street positively Ruined her hair. Turned it orange, and she couldn’t leave the house for three days until I helped her fix it! Cannot believe I nearly considered having that girl do my wedding hair!</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Do you remember her?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Bathilda, not the hairdresser.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Mad as a hatter, Bathilda is, always trying to pass off her burnt biscuits. (Although she’s wonderful for News.)</p><p><em>Lily:</em> b4 i graduate tuney pls</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Impatience doesn’t suit, Lily. Now where was I?</p><p><em>Lily: </em>netherfield</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Oh yes. Ms. Bagshot told Yvonne all about her tea with Mrs Pinkerton. Apparently, Mrs Pinkerton’s sister (the younger, not the elder) is a housekeeper at Netherfield. And according to her, a fine Gentleman came to see it on Monday.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</em> my sister!</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Another dating profile?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> no</p><p><em>Lily:</em> sort of?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> she keeps blathering abt netherfield</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Oh you mean the Longbottom guy?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> how do u even??</p><p><em>Alice:</em> :)</p><p><em>Lily:</em> mar?</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Yep.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> shdve known</p><p><em>Lily:</em> al shes been going on 10 mins now look</p><p>            <em>Petunia:</em> B-T-W (by the way), he’s single!</p><p>            <em>Lily:</em> there it is</p><p>            <em>Lily:</em> single has a name?</p><p>            <em>Petunia:</em> Longbottom.</p><p>            <em>Lily:</em> no</p><p>            <em>Petunia:</em> Frank Longbottom.</p><p>            <em>Lily:</em> not any better</p><p>            <em>Petunia:</em> Well, Mrs Pinkerton’s sister thought him quite dashing. :-)</p><p><em>Alice:</em> That’s…</p><p><em>Lily:</em> what am I supposed to do??</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Aren’t you in your gender and politics tutorial???? Pay attention to your prof!</p><p>Lily: *middle finger emoji* *kiss emoji*<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 1. The Netherfellows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: heads up tuney’s gone mad</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> her white board rant on cleaning the bathroom???</p><p><em>Lily:</em> no</p><p><em>Lily:</em> well i mean, yes</p><p><em>Lily:</em> but also shes located a nest of rich single men</p><p><em>Lily:</em> none of us are safe</p><p><em>Mary</em>: not even me?</p><p><em>Lily: </em>not even u mary u KNOW how she gets</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> lily</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> lily lily lily</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> why r u acting like this is a BAD thing???</p><p>
  <em>Marlene McKinnon changed the group name to nest of poor single babes.</em>
</p><p><em>Mary:</em> …this doesn’t have anything to do with that charity thing she’s been banging on about, does it?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i reckon this has everything to do with that charity thing shes been banging on abt</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Oh god.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> I mean…we should still go. It’s for charity.</p><p><em>Mary:</em> precisely</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> agreed. we should do it for.. whatever tf its raising money for </p><p><em>Lily:</em> save the whales??</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Cancer Research</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> ……</p><p><em>Mary:</em> she told me it was for the orphans </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> which orphans?</p><p><em>Mary:</em> i’ll ask</p><p><em>Mary:</em> just ‘miscellaneous orphans’ apparently lmao</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> incredible</p><p><em>Lily:</em> my sister the hero</p><p><em>Lily:</em> shes always been…</p><p><em>Alice</em>: assertive?</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: batshit?</p><p><em>Lily</em>: yes, but since the engagement she’s been off the rails</p><p><em>Lily:</em> im trying to get a DEGREE i dnt need this extra stress</p><p><em>Mary:</em> lily you play on ur phone in every lecture i’ve ever had with you but go on </p><p><em>Marlene: </em>must be so difficult having a sister pushing hot rich single men in ur direction!! mine just sends me reminders to go to the dentist?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> mar she printed out fourteen okcupid profiles and slid them under my door</p><p><em>Lily:</em> FOURTEEN</p><p><em>Lily:</em> one of them was called bertram and one of his interests were ‘quality vegetables’</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> any you can spare for me?</p><p><em>Mary:</em> vegetables or men?</p><p>
  <em>Lily Evans has left the group chat.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans posted to Facebook</em>: Thank you for the tickets to the #CharityDinner on November 4th at #Tiddlestout Country Hall, Aunt Minerva! Can’t wait for the wonderful evening with <strong>Lily Evans</strong>, <strong>Marlene McKinnon</strong>, <strong>Alice Hopkins</strong> and <strong>Mary MacDonald</strong>! #soexcited #actionnow #savetheorphans</p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon commented:</em> can lydia come</p><p><em>Petunia Evans commented</em>: Don’t be ridiculous, Marlene!</p><p><em>Lily Evans commented</em>: why are u thanking Auntie when shs not on fb? Also dibs on the extra ticket for dorcas</p><p><em>Petunia Dursley née Evans commented</em>: Hope to see <strong>Frank Longbottom </strong>there :-)</p><p><em>Frank Longbottom commented:</em> Great! Can’t wait to meet you all!!!</p><p><em>Lily Evans commented</em>: oh my god</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to auntie</em>: Auntie</p><p><em>Lily:</em> AUNTIE</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Good gracious, dearest, please lower your voice! I was gathering honey.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> how do you know that’s yelling? never mind. how are the bees?</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Sweet as honey, thank you.</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Now, what warrants the shouting?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> your niece, Auntie.</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Yes, I know this is you, Lily.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> not funny</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Is this perhaps regarding the tickets to the Tiddlestoat Museum Conservancy fundraiser your sister pestered me into sending?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> that and a hundred other things.</p><p><em>Lily: </em>ready for my grievance list?</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> I’ll entertain five grievances if, and only if, you balance them with positive things your sister has done this week.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fine. she thinks shes the flat mum or something and she put up a chore chart last week! also shes so bossy over the group chat. she just went on holiday with vernon last month and you’d think that’d make her happy but she’s been so moody lately?? and she keeps complaining about how exhausted she is when all she does is meddle in my friends’ lives because she doesn’t have university to distract her and her wedding is practically planned even though its seven months away??</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> And what does darling Alice think of this?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> irrelevant. 1. shes sunshine 2. shes in her last year and cares about nothing.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> anyway, focus Auntie! tuneys making all my friends go to the fundraiser!!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> she tagged Frank Longbottom!!!!!!!!!</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Frank? What a delightful young man. He was rather obsessed with trains as a child. I wonder if he still has the Hornby model I gave to him for his seventh birthday.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> wonderful, but you cant tag someone unless you know them.</p><p>Lily: also please never tell her you know him. ill pay you.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ok i wont pay you. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> but Auntie she thinks if we’re not all engaged by the end of the evening we’re all doomed to a life of misery. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> she sent me a zazzle ‘how to get a man’ article!</p><p><em>Lily: </em>She actually used the word ‘spinster’ the other day.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> shes deluded.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Auntie, are you even listening</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> …</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fine. shes very good at facebook.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> she Apparently stole and saved my spider plant. I found it in my room with care instructions. she printed them to disguise her handwriting but who else uses comic sans? so. anyway it was decent of her. I thought I’d thrown it away.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> good? That’s the best i can do</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Adequate. </p><p><em>Minerva:</em> So, am I to understand your sister’s aggravating you?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ya</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> …</p><p><em>Lily:</em> yes, Auntie.</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> And she's embarrassing you.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> yes!</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> I’m sympathetic, but I’m also unclear as to how this is a departure from her usual behavior, dear.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> h e l p  me</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> I’ll remind her that I still have those photos from her naked tea party at age five, and that if she doesn’t tone down the marriage rhetoric, Vernon would love to see them next time they’re here for tea.</p><p><em>Lily:</em>  thanks Auntie</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Do your homework.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> *kiss emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject: </em>mary stop leaving mean comments on lyddy’s ig</p><p><em>Mary:</em> why would i ever do that</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>her last selfie had more engagement than any of your posts have evr got?</p><p><em>Mary:</em> no it didn’t</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> go check</p><p><em>Mary:</em> ok yes it did but it wasn’t me</p><p><em>Mary:</em> i’m OFFENDED you’d even suggest such a thing???</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> lol so sorry </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> wasn’t my intention 2 offend last year’s tiddlestout’s got talent winner </p><p><em>Mary:</em> don’t </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> rly i have a lot of respect 4 u</p><p><em>Mary:</em> i’ll tell petunia about ur haribo stash </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> how many contestants were there again</p><p><em>Mary:</em> there were 6 contestants </p><p><em>Mary:</em> you KNOW this </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> oh yes thats right</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> and how many of them were over the age of 11? </p><p><em>Mary:</em> brb going to block ur number!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to Flat Party Line</em>:  If my sources are correct, Mr. Longbottom is bringing a group of Very eligible men with him. All of us are to be on our best behavior at the charity dinner, please. Understood, Girls?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Especially as Vernon cannot attend as our chaperone. </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I said ‘Understood, Girls?’</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I-W-W (I will wait)!</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> yea</p><p><em>Mary:</em> ok</p><p><em>Lily:</em> yessir</p><p><em>Alice:</em> It will all be fine, Petunia :) </p><p><em>Lily:</em> who even are these boys lmao</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> IM GLAD YOU ASKED. ready 4 the dirt??</p><p><em>Mary:</em> OK lol</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Yes, please. </p><p><em>Alice:</em> Heck yes!!!!!</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Language, Alice</p><p><em>Lily:</em> not rly </p><p><em>Alice</em>: sorry, Pet</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> lily u literally just asked but ok lmao</p><p><em>Lily</em>: rhetorical!</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> specimen A. frank longbottom. 6ft 2, taurus. fav movie is Wall-E. has this dorky hobbyist youtube channel. oh and al he loves those butterflies u used 2 be obsessed with </p><p><em>Alice:</em> Oh??</p><p><em>Marlene:</em>         </p><p>            longbotty instagram post: *close of up a very ugly butterfly*</p><p>            longbotty commented: At last, the elusive Tiddlestout Lady! Cannot wait to study</p><p>                                   her in the coming year at #netherfield.</p><p>            pads:               what happened to hot air balloons?</p><p>            prongs:            that was last month</p><p>            pads:               looking like justin beiber, frankie??</p><p>            prongs:            that was the my strange addiction kid</p><p>            pads:               right. what abt 13th century welsh tapestries??</p><p>            prongs:            you were over that by christmas right @longbotty</p><p>            pads:               be fair james, that one lasted at least six months?</p><p>            longbotty:        seven, thanks</p><p>            longbotty:        ANYWAY @padfoot @prongs, you fellas tackling k2? Gap year #2?      </p><p>            prongs:            #3 actually but k2 was last month. we need a rest.</p><p>            prongs:            frank we’d be unsupportive pricks if we didn’t come check your new digs</p><p>            padfoot:           n the beetle collection</p><p>            longbotty:        One does not ‘collect’ tiddlestout ladies, Sirius</p><p>            longbotty:        and butterflies are not beetles</p><p>            longbotty:        and no you fellas can’t come live off me for four months…</p><p>            prongs:            …</p><p>            longbotty:        alright fine but you’re coming to this gala</p><p>            prongs:            thats fine mate we marauders have no marauding to do this autumn    </p><p>            prongs:            @wormy @padfoot @moony all in?</p><p>            wormy:            can’t mate im workin</p><p>            prongs:            i’ll cover u?</p><p>            moony:            @prongs u know i actually have uni </p><p>            moony:            but have fun @longbotty + good luck</p><p>            padfoot:           @longbotty have a billiards table?</p><p>            longbotty:        @padfoot yes</p><p>            padfoot:           i’m in</p><p><em>Alice:</em> :) they seem like fun</p><p><em>Lily:</em> have they evr heard of private messaging lmao</p><p><em>Lily:</em> also did they just refer to themselves as ‘marauders’</p><p><em>Lily:</em> what the fuck. whats a marauder</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>we get it lil u hate them on principle</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> first up, james. good or bad first?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> bad </p><p><em>Alice:</em> GOOD. </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Good, please. </p><p><em>Mary:</em> good, if we must</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fine. good. </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> good it is </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> check out this snap</p><p><em>Mary:</em> did you print screen that? You’ll realise he’ll like, know that you did that, right?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> ofc i know that mary i have a fake account, grow up. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> 6.5 </p><p><em>Marlene:</em>  no, he’s 6’1”</p><p><em>Lily:</em> no, but those abs are a 6.5</p><p><em>Lily:</em> 7 if were being generous</p><p><em>Lily:</em> hes def tensing. and ‘great sesh’ who does that? who does a snap of themselves drenched in water anyway? actually nvmd, he actually probably does at the end of every practice</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Where’s the rest of him?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> do we really care about the rest of him? </p><p><em>Alice:</em> Point taken. Proceed with the bad.</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> aries. and his twitter handle is @theonlyjpotter</p><p><em>Lily:</em> brb</p><p><em>Lily:</em> wait. james potter?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> what school did he go to?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> idk</p><p><em>Lily:</em> well cant u find out?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> fine ill check my source</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> redgrove? some private school in scotland. y</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fairly sure thats the bloke sev always used to complain about?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> *snape </p><p><em>Lily:</em> he’s a bullying toerag, apparently </p><p><em>Mary:</em> oh yeah because severus snape’s word is gold? not an untrustworthy narrator at all im sure???</p><p><em>Lily:</em> snape may be a dick but idk some of the stuff he said happened between them... U couldn’t make it up</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> u could if you were a dirty greasy lying scumbag?</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Come on Lils be nice. You can’t know what really happened between them back at school, so you can’t judge him for it. </p><p><em>Alice:</em> Plus it was a long time ago. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> fine. Ur right. but i mean there’s plenty on his very current social media to judge him 4 so im fine? A billiards table? His passport stamps?? </p><p><em>Lily:</em> he called his mate a LEDGE</p><p><em>Lily:</em> also whats with his deer fetish</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Don’t say fetish, Lily. It’s uncouth.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> well actually, Lily has a point. we shouldn’t judge him based on a few posts. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> alice, im...</p><p><em>Lily:</em> thats EXACTLY what we’re doing </p><p><em>Lily:</em> you just summed up the entire activity </p><p><em>Mary:</em> this IS a tad creepy</p><p><em>Mary:</em> plus dont u have coursework due on like, tuesday, mar </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> hey u guys wanted the dirt</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>and i’d sooner die than start coursework more than 48 hours before its due u kno my stance on this mary </p><p><em>Lily:</em> anyway what abt the others lets get this over with</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> there’s a ‘sirius’ </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> most of his accounts are on private, selfish bugger</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> was arrested for some kind of dorian grey art project in london a few years ago but details are v vague</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> but i DO somehow have his number. not sure how that happened</p><p><em>Mary:</em> wait, sirius black?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> lmao no another 20 y/o human boy is named ‘sirius’ </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> yes sirius black </p><p><em>Mary:</em> i have his number too </p><p><em>Alice:</em> I just checked my phone….. I also have it? </p><p><em>Lily:</em> what the fuck. me too. who tf???</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> witchcraft? he does have a witch vibe </p><p><em>Mary:</em> i heard his family is like, evil.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> I heard he drove his motorbike off a roof on a dare once. </p><p><em>Lily:</em>  i heard he does car commercials… in japan </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> this is not a time for mean girls quotes, lily </p><p><em>Lily:</em> …. you take that back </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> yea. Ok. i take that back</p><p><em>Lily:</em> are they the blacks from that horrible reality show????</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> yea but dont bring it up to him. apparently</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> anyway ladies. back 2 the task at hand. the marauders </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> the other 2 peter and remus seem quite harmless</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> thats ‘wormtail’ and ‘moony’ </p><p><em>Lily:</em> these nicknames are making me dry heave</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> remus lupin. studying maths and philosophy. works @ the uni library. seems like the most sensible. didn’t take a three year ‘gap year’ at least</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i like remus lupin</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Now there’s a young man with a drive to succeed!</p><p><em>Lily: </em>nvmd</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> and finally, peter pettigrew. plays a lot of animal crossing. abuses his selfie stick. just tagged his location at some public toilets. prolific baker. loves his mum</p><p><em>Lily:</em> mar, where are you getting all of this?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> didn’t your fb account get blocked last night for ‘abusing the community guidelines’</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> my source wishes to remain anonymous </p><p><em>Alice:</em> so Dorcas?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> dont tell her i told you</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: mar told me it was u</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>u dragged me into this whole charity thing. may as well make it fun!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> u arent supposed to have fun!! ur supposed to ENDURE it w me!!</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>did you see those abs, Lils?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ur literally a lesbian</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>also she promised to promote my blog on Lydia’s ig</p><p><em>Lily:</em> sellout</p><p><em>Lily:</em> speaking of, how’s your tinder scheme going???</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>twelve blokes this week! i just tell them to send me a fiver for ‘something special’</p><p><em>Lily:</em> and ur just, blocking every one after they send it?</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>no judgments remember</p><p><em>Lily:</em> only jealous i never thought of it</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>now stop pestering me and do your homework u dweeb</p><p><em>Lily:</em> want to join me?</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>can’t. selling insults at the park again</p><p><em>Lily: </em>u KNOW how i feel abt that</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>u can’t be mad this time bc it’s for a new dress for this little party</p><p><em>Lily:</em> but u get off on it!!</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>i don’t judge ur weird sims addiction</p><p><em>Lily:</em> it’s not weird plenty of ppl play sims</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>yeah but the stuff u do on there Lils. it’s creepy </p><p><em>Lily:</em> …</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>the thing with Mary and the plant??? after Marlene broke ur flat iron???? ur revenge on Pet’s sim after she made ur weetabix wrong??? i could go on</p><p><em>Lily:</em> well. enjoy urself at the park. make someone cry!!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> also it was justice, not revenge</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>homework!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> yes, mum</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Alice Hopkins to Flat Party Line: </em>hey all, i know we’re all a bit glum today with the rain so I put on a fresh kettle and bought a box of those cupcakes you all love so much. happy Tuesday!</p><p><em>Lily: </em>angel</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>Very thoughtful, Alice! However that seems rather indulgent when we’re trying to watch out figures before the fundraiser!</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>thanks love</p><p><em>Mary: </em>im practising, but DONT give mine to Lydia!</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>too late</p><p><em>Lily: </em>mar!</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>fine</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to auntie</em>: thank youuuuuuuuuu</p><p><em>Lily:</em> for the money, I mean</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> My pleasure. Enjoy your walk?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> how’d u know?</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Always a safe assumption.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Correct. It was lovely!</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Buy yourself some shoes for the party, dear. Or are you still pouting?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> too busy to pout! although tuney hasn’t let up at All</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> And how was the debate yesterday?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> turns out theyre an even bigger bunch of bigoted arseholes than when i left.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> excuse my language, Auntie, but they warranted it.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ukip supporting, not-all-men, screaming bloody murder at abortion types. so that was charming.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> idk why i went to watch it. I thought maybe he’d changed? also i do miss sanctioned arguing</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> While I’m sorry for your disappointment, I am glad you tossed him over.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> agreed. anyway, what else would I spend the money on???</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> School books.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> that was a one time thing!</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Another kitten.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Petunia wont let us get another cat, and I couldn’t do that to Lydia.</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Gourmet cupcakes.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Tuney got rid of every piece of Good food in the entire flat and Alice got some last week.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> also you should really stop sending me money Auntie</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Promise me you’ll spend it on new shoes.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> …</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Lily.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i promise.</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Good girl.</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Of course, I’ll need a picture of you, at home, in the shoes. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> u dont trust me???</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Give the receipt to Alice, please, and don’t forget to do your homework.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> *kiss emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>LIL</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Are these butterfly earrings for me????</p><p><em>Lily:</em> yes *heart emoji*</p><p><em>Alice: </em>thank u it isn’t even my birthday</p><p><em>Lily:</em> I just have a generous spirit</p><p><em>Lily:</em> also Auntie sent me money for shoes. but as u see on the receipt, which i was Forced to give u, i had extra. she wont complain if i spend some of it on u</p><p><em>Alice: </em>U are an angel</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i kno</p><p><em>Lily:</em> can i have the receipt back after the gala tho</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to kittymama</em>: hey lil u wearing the black fuck me heels 2 the fundraiser</p><p><em>Lily:</em> which ones</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> forever 21</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> oh and can i have some cash if u can spare it cos lydia needs a new collar.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> her collar is fine?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> i want her to match my dress at the fundraiser...sneaking her in my bag</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Mar.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> dont</p><p><em>Lily:</em> dont do that</p><p><em>Lily:</em> dont make me list the reasons thats a BAD idea. talking ppl out of things is tuney’s thing</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> it’ll be a great insta opportunity</p><p><em>Lily:</em> u can borrow the shoes and ill give you money for that leopard print collar youve been eyeing up if u promise not to take lydia</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> hard bargain, evans</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> deal tho</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily:</em> I hope you aren’t wearing that dress lying on your bed to the charity dinner tomorrow, Lily.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> dont worry about it</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans </em>to <em>Flat Party Line</em>: Pictures of your outfits, please, Girls.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I know you have them picked out, and I need to approve to ensure each of you is putting her best foot forward.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I Will go room by room, if required.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to lyddy’s babes</em>: I can’t show your sister my outfit, Lil. she'll veto for sure.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Same!</p><p><em>Mary: </em>same</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Mar send her a pic of that orange monstrosity she bought u for your birthday</p><p><em>Lily:</em> and make sure u sneak out before she can physically restrain u</p><p><em>Lily:</em> and hide ur tangfastics or she’ll take them</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to Flat Party Line</em>: Very funny, Girls. Marlene, absolutely not! Nor can you wear a green morph suit, Mary. Alice, I thought better of you. And a bin bag, Lily, really?</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>I must say, Girls, I had hoped for better, especially after sending you appropriate evening wear Pins. (Clearly I’m a fool for setting myself up for this constant exacerbation.)</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> On your own heads be it, then. I’ve done my best to save you from all judgment and ridicule. </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> B-T-W (by the way), the bathroom schedule is posted for tomorrow.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Everyone must be ready to leave at 7:30.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> We leave at 7:40.</p><p>
  <em>Marlene McKinnon has left the group chat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mary MacDonald has left the group chat.</em>
</p><p><em>Lily:</em> sir yessir</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>I hate to say anything unkind, Lil, but your sister is utterly bonkers.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i kno</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject</em>: mary have u honest 2 god crimped ur hair</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> u realise your life isn’t early noughties disney channel </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> u aren’t lizzie mcguire…...you know this right?</p><p><em>Mary: </em>i’ll literally crimp ur hair off in ur sleep if u keep up</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> go complain 2 Gordo </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to Flat Party Line: </em>Girls, this is your ten minute warning. Be downstairs in eight, else you’ll be on supervised toilet cleaning duty for the next month!</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> H-U (Hurry Up)!!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: where are uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>bar ofc</p><p><em>Lily:</em> tuney’s in rare fucking form lemme tell u</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>terrifying. also she’s coming this way with everyone but u</p><p><em>Lily:</em> slipped away</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>u fiend</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>she just insulted my shoes, i think?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> tell me when shes gone and ill come see u</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>shes spotted frank and his friend, seems to be having a minor aneurysm</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ok well u have to stay with her and tell me everything</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>Evans I did not sign up for this!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> p l e a s e</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ur forever my friend</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>and????</p><p><em>Lily:</em> u can have my fuck me boots</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>which ones tho</p><p><em>Lily:</em> lace up thigh highs</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>damn, okay</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>she’s going in</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>she keeps calling them /Sir?</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>oh God</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>it’s like a car crash. i can’t look away</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>lils she just told potter he has a ‘noble mein’ is she okay??</p><p><em>Lily:</em> now u see why im in hiding</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>Longbottom is taking it impressively well though!</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>the other two, potter and...black, is it?? keep muttering to each other. completely ignoring her</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>the embarrassment is giving me a rash</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i owe u</p><p><em>Lily:</em> and i LUV u &lt;3</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>where are you????</p><p><em>Lily:</em> hiding behind the giant silk butterfly thing</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>it’s over. come here</p><p><em>Lily:</em> u come to me. w/ a drink pls???</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>unbelievable</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: are we all still alive?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> potter’s def better than a 6.5 lily</p><p><em>Lily:</em> not what i asked</p><p><em>Lily:</em> 6.7. maybe.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> hes obscenely tall</p><p><em>Mary: </em>u should hear your sis talk about his fine, handsome features</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> not that he’s talking 2 anyone but black</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> and vice versa</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> i did NOT wear these heels 2 be ignored</p><p><em>Lily:</em> dnt worry about them Mar</p><p><em>Lily:</em> anyone seen alice???   </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> anyone seen you?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> again not wht i asked</p><p><em>Mary: </em>with frank longbottom in the butterfly garden!!!!!</p><p><em>Mary: </em>actually they’ve got these weird goggles on so it’s not as romantic as you’re thinking</p><p><em>Lily: </em>good</p><p><em>Lily:</em> mary P L EA S E stop giving ppl your demo</p><p><em>Mary: </em>if i don’t promote me, who will??? also where are you?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> watching uuuuu</p><p><em>Lily:</em> have fun girls</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily:</em> Lily, I know you’ve been ignoring me all night, but dinner starts in five minutes. Yvonne’s arranged everything. You are at Table 12, next to Mister Potter. If you do not sit down, I’ll tell security about Lydia.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Marlene brought her????</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Don’t play coy. I heard meowing from her handbag. And I Will tell.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> u wouldnt</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>Test me.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to mother of my child: </em>Mar. did u really bring Lydia???</p><p><em>Lily:</em> we had a DEAL</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> in this life u either scam or get scammed </p><p><em>Marlene:</em>  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> ull still give me money for her collar tho right</p><p><em>Lily:</em> keep her hidden and we’ll talk</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject</em>: u watching this?</p><p><em>Mary:</em> ???</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>lily &amp; potter</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>*popcorn emoji*</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> she DEF thinks he’s higher than 6.6 whatever she says</p><p><em>Mary:</em> hey mar do you think the music is a bit shit?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> leave it mary</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> i think she’s FLIRTING with him I KNEW It</p><p><em>Mary:</em> fascinating</p><p><em>Mary:</em> there must be mics on stage for the speeches later, right?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> you’re a terrible audience, mary</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> she’s showing him pictures of lydia! that’s MY move!</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> oh shit</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> he just said his cat is prettier</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> lily is fuming</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> he’s back to talking to black</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> he’S GOING OFF SEATING PLAN</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> petunia wont be pleased</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> neither is lily by the looks of it</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> haha fuck i wld not like to be james potter right nw, if looks could kill</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> mary are you even listening to me</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> nope. ur checking out the stage rigging</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> ofc u are</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: some ppl have no class</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Frank Longbottom (@Longbots) tweeted</em>: What a brilliant evening it has been!</p><p><em>James F Potter (@theonlyjpotter) replied</em>: @Longbots for u maybe mate, drag us here then ditch us for a girl???</p><p><em>Frank Longbottom (@Longbots) replied:</em> @theonlyjpotter that redhead though?</p><p><em>James F Potter (@theonlyjpotter) replied</em>: nah. she’s fit but at what cost??? p sure her sister fixed the seating plan</p><p><em>James F Potter (@theonlyjpotter) replied</em>: us 11s got to hold out for the best. ;)</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: 1/? good thing some ppl have Money to keep themselves happy bc they’ve got nothing else @ the end of the day</p><p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: 2/? Lmao £ £ cant buy CLASS ppl</p><p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: 3/? it can buy this tho: boots.com/Tangle-Teezer</p><p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: 4/? if u can get ur head out of ur arsehole long enough that is…pretty far back in there</p><p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: 5/? wouldnt MIND u being so cocky except my cat has more twitter followers than u do? </p><p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: 6/7 @theonlyjpotter this was abt u in case u missed it</p><p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/1845287-height-overrated-men-4.html  </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Dorcas Meadowes to lils</em>: where are u Evans</p><p><em>Lily:</em> not telling</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>come out from where ur hiding</p><p><em>Lily:</em> im bujsy</p><p><em>Lily:</em> busy</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>Lily Marie Evans give me ur phone NOW</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>ur ranting like pet FYI</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ur enjoying it a little bit tho right </p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>i’ll report u for abuse</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>also you’re missing alice fall in love</p><p><em>Lily:</em> whAt???</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>have u seen Marlene’s snap?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> checking now</p><p><em>Lily:</em> OMG they’re so cute</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>i know</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>in bad news, did you see Mary’s warm up snap</p><p><em>Lily:</em> this is really going 2 happen isnt it</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>i think it is</p><p><em>Lily:</em> theres nothing we could have done</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>nothing at all</p><p><em>Lily:</em> OMG TAHT SCUMBAG </p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>dare I ask</p><p><em>Lily:</em> blacks twitter</p><p><em>U wish (@shiningstar) tweeted:</em> didn’t know this was karaoke lol</p><p><em>Lily:</em> hoity-toity twat</p><p><em>Lily:</em> he a nd potter deserve each other</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i hope they get marreid and then fall out of lvoe becasude james cares too muhc about his work so sirius spends their fortue on taxedermy as a cry for attention but theyre both too worreid about their reputiatoion to jst get a diVorce so they move to Florida nd spend the rest of their lives drinking boxed wine nd being mserable</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>specific </p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>also, isnt that housewives s4??</p><p><em>Lily:</em> not The fuckin point ???</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>well this went well</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Minerva McGonagall to minnie and the girls: </em>Good evening, dears. How is the dinner going?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Absolutely wonderful, Aunt Minerva!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> horribleeee</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Well. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Dorcas Meadowes to lils: </em>if you come out we can do that dance u choreographed last year</p><p><em>Lily:</em> no thx im Goood</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>u can take the lead on this one lil</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fine,....only bcause cnt Stand 2 break ur *heart emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to Flat PARTY Wine: </em>why did we have 2 come HOME it was just gettign FUN </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Because the night is over, Lily . We were the only people left. Now gett off of your phone and go to slepe,</p><p><em>Mary:</em> plus you and marlene started CHANTING ‘jager jager jager’</p><p><em>Lily: </em>JAGER JAGEER JAGFER </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> JAEGERR JAGRER JARGER</p><p><em>Mary:</em> good try</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> lily ur the mohter of my child and  i love u im sorry for breaking ou r deal </p><p><em>Lily:</em> i forgive u ur a great mum i couldnt do this w/o u </p><p><em>Alice:</em> lil are you sure you’re ok u seemed pretty upset about james earlier </p><p><em>Lily:</em> potter WHO  </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Oh please Lily. Don’t pretend you are’nt bitter because he rebuffed your romantic avdances.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> APologies, *advances </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Apologies* </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> He’s not the sort you want to be mixing with anyway . (Did you see his Hair?)</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I knew from the start he was no good!!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> hold on a hot fuckin sec </p><p><em>Lily:</em> ‘noble-fucking-mein’ tuney???? ringing any bells??????</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Language, Lily Marie Evans! Christ.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Oh stop it all of you. it was a lovely night, James Potter being a jerk to lily aside.</p><p><em>Mary:</em> lol you WOULD say that al </p><p><em>Lily: </em>*careless whisper sax*</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>alice is in luuuurve </p><p><em>Alice:</em> ….</p><p><em>Alice: </em>stop it. frank is lovely but he was only showing me his butterflies</p><p><em>Lily:</em> THAT what the kids r caling it now ?????</p><p><em>Alice: </em>you’re younger than me, Lily</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Leave Alice *bee emoji*! Her romantic engaglement with Frank Longbottoms is none of Our business.</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>entanglement*</p><p><em>Alice: </em>thank you, Petunia</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>Now sleep Girls. Please. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> she jst private messagd u abt it? didn’t she</p><p><em>Alice:</em> … </p><p><em>Lily:</em> that’s a yes </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p><em><br/>
Lily Evans to gal pAL:</em> u ok </p><p><em>Alice:</em> yes *heart emoji*</p><p><em>Lily: </em>is my sister pesterign u </p><p><em>Lily:</em> i can spill wine on her bedroom carpet 2 distract her if she is</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i’m drunk enough 2 pass it. Off as an accident</p><p><em>Alice:</em> I already told her that I’m going to sleep but thanks for the offer</p><p><em>Alice:</em> also why do you have wine</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Lily Evans are you drinking alone at 2 in the morning????</p><p><em>Lily: </em>…. no!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> maybe</p><p><em>Lily:</em> come have a glass with me then i wont be </p><p><em>Alice:</em> only to save you from Yourself</p><p><em>Lily:</em> sleepover! u can tell me abt frank’s BUTTerflies</p><p><em>Alice:</em> oh my god </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to the netherfellas:  </em>uh….did anyone see this twitter tirade?</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> twitter rant, mate</p><p><em>James: </em>Tirade is better alliteration tho</p><p><em>Frank:</em> Not to alarm you or anything, James, but you’re CERTAIN if you @ somebody on twitter nobody else can see it? </p><p><em>Remus: </em>oh my god why are you both old men that is absolutely not how twitter works</p><p><em>Remus: </em>everybody could DEFINITELY see it</p><p><em>James: </em>FUCK</p><p><em>James</em>: FUCK FUCK FUCK</p><p><em>Remus: </em>oh and she’s right about her cat btw </p><p><em>Remus: </em>lydia’s at 4378 and you’re at 2049</p><p><em>James: </em>thanks? not really the key takeaway here</p><p><em>James</em>: whats she got against my hair? and my height??</p><p><em>James</em>: i dont even know what HAPPENED? was chatting her up (on point btw). then u sirius made that joke abt the bananas…</p><p><em>Sirius</em>: which was amazing</p><p><em>James</em>: and then Went to show her georgie who was def cuter than her cat</p><p><em>Sirius</em>: signature move</p><p><em>James</em>: and Then she just, walked off?</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>lucky miss if u ask me prongs. shes raving </p><p><em>Peter: </em>she seemed nice enough when u were facetiming me tho prongs?</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>did i ask </p><p><em>Remus: </em>be nice</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>petey likes it </p><p><em>Peter: </em>no I don’t!  </p><p><em>Frank: </em>You all right there, James?</p><p><em>James: </em>fine frank. I’m Fine.</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>he’s fine </p><p><em>James: </em>its just, the potter charm didnt work? god i was compensating w/ that @11s thing bc she walked off? she really was so fit. fuckkk</p><p><em>James: </em>cant believe she doesnt like my hair</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>you clearly need more alcohol tho mate. come down to my bunk </p><p><em>Peter: </em>isn’t it a bit weird u sleep in bunks in one room when frankie has fifteen bedrooms?</p><p><em>Frank:</em> It's definitely weird that they had bunks delivered to my house the day before they arrived.</p><p><em>Peter:</em> WEIRDos.</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>shush wormy or i’ll revoke your train ticket</p><p><em>Peter:</em> oh u got it?</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>did but im reconsidering</p><p><em>Peter:</em> mum said she could spare me as early as friday but we’re ‘purging the house’.</p><p><em>Peter:</em> my allergies are acting up. I’ve had watery eyes for days.</p><p><em>Frank:</em> sorry about that, pete. Sounds fun</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>ur both just jealous u arent invited to my bunk</p><p>Sirius: u ok prongs?</p><p>James: im … Fine. im fine!</p><p><em>James: </em>actually budge over pads. I’m coming down.</p><p><em>Remus: </em>i’ll leave you to it </p><p><em>James: </em>Wormy i also sent you some train snack money</p><p><em>Frank: </em>Night, fellas. Kindly keep the pyro to a minimum. New drapes! *thumbs up emoji* </p><p><em>Remus:</em> enjoy your cuddle, lads. enjoy your gaming, pete</p><p><em>James: </em>*thumbs up emoji* im Fine</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>sweet dreams abt that blonde, frankie</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 2. Butterfly Documentaries and Chill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To: petunia.evans@gmail.com</p>
<p>From: okcupid@rescubscribe.okcupid.com</p>
<p>Date: November 4</p>
<p>Subject: ‘Fall’ into love with our Premium Membership Offer!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dear Lily Evans,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Congrats on your ten month premium membership anniversary! While you haven’t found that perfect someone just yet, we know that Mister Right could be right around the corner! To assist in your search, we encourage you to renew your next twelve-month membership <strong><span class="u">today</span></strong>!</p>
<p>Remember that at OKCupid, you’re more than just a photo. You have stories to tell, passions to share, and things to talk about more interesting than the weather. Get noticed for who you are, not what you look like. Because you deserve what dating deserves: better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sincerely,</p>
<p>The OKCupid Team</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to loony tuney: </em>I can hear you through the wall </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>u hve to stop</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Taking out the rubbish? No one else was volunteering to do it! You girls have (once again) completely disregarded my chart. Do you know it takes multiple hours per week to put that together? Vernon says I ought to start charging you Girls for my labour. I’ve been so knackered lately, and yet I still manage to take the rubbish out!</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>...wow. but not that! </p>
<p><em>Petunia:</em> Then what is it you wish to berate me for now?</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> stop cornering poor Ms. Figg and talking about the fundraiser. and every detail alice told u in confidence</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>But Things are going so splendidly, Lily. </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>Things?? al and frank have only hung out a few times.</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Four times, actually. Four times in a week!</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>tesco doesn’t count. neither does running into them at Nandos and pushing our tables together.</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Three, then. (And two of those were on purpose!)</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> but Ms Figg doesn’t even know Frank </p>
<p><em>Petunia:</em> It’s just polite chit chat, really, Lily.</p>
<p><em>Petunia:</em> Oh, and since Potter didn’t pan out for you, I’ve been on OK Cupid again.</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> I have deadlines</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> Im blocking you on facebook</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to mother of my child: </em>Hey mar remember when u paid that kid in ur econ lecture to follow u around w pepper spray for whenever that clingy ex got too close ?</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> u want me 2 put u in touch?</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> Maybe??</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> Snape cornered me in the library again 2day </p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> ugh. Gross</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em>  u dont need pepper spray tbh u can just salt him. like a slug. i think he’d dry up?</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> u always kno how to make me feel better</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> for real tho. If he wont leave u alone you should file a harassment form 2 the uni? </p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> Not its fine he’s just lonely, i think. And it isn’t THAT often </p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> lmao lily he has all of his creepy, bigoted debate friends he isn’t lonely </p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> did you verbally eviscerate him?</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> thats not even fun anymore. u know I don’t even like arguing since I quit debate?</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>lol ok lil but dont u DARE feel bad abt not speaking 2 him</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> I dont. He’s a scumbag. I know that.  </p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> He made it very clear</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> good </p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> and if he corners u again tell him you’ll report him, alright?</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> *thumbs up emoji*</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> and hey. you have to start going to class again.</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> but producing content and engaging with others and managing sponsorship opportunities is a ft job????</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> mar, class is mandatory</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> sis u cant really lecture me when u stayed in bed all day on tuesday?</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> yes, but i didn’t do it six tuesdays in a row?</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> u may have a point. ill go, but i need your help w/ the account!</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> can mary help you??</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> ew</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> class isn’t optional or i’ll text your mum</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> that’s a very Petty move</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> i know and i dont regret it</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> wow</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>So.</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>Frank may have invited me over to watch netflix with him tomorrow night</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>omg </p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>They’ve released a documentary about rare butterfly breeds </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>if this was literally anybody else i’d be suspicious but i have no doubt frank intends to watch 8 hours of educational, insect based viewing with u</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>u should def snog him tho  </p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>Lily!!</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>Just don’t tell Petunia please she’ll be unbearable</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>u know she’s definitely going to find out eventually. but dnt worry. it wont be from me. </p>
<p><em>Lily</em>: study date @ the cafe in a bit?</p>
<p><em>Alice</em>: yes pls</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Mary MacDonald to </em><em>boo u whore: </em>mar i need you to go to the studio with me</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>so i can pretend to be ur assistant again? no thx!</p>
<p><em>Mary:</em> cmon, you can’t have anything important going on anyway????</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> wrong</p>
<p><em>Mary:</em> i can pay you</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> in m&amp;ms? again no thx!!</p>
<p><em>Mary:</em> your loss</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> wait, maybe……...is green eyes working sound today?</p>
<p><em>Mary</em>: green eyes?</p>
<p><em>Marlene</em>: tall, fit, sandy blonde hair???</p>
<p><em>Mary</em>: u lost me at fit</p>
<p><em>Marlene</em>: always wears a beanie?</p>
<p><em>Mary</em>: brett has green eyes?</p>
<p><em>Marlene</em>: oh god the asexuality thing again</p>
<p><em>Mary</em>: u never listen when i explain it!</p>
<p><em>Marlene</em>: …i get it, its just, mary. his eyes are just so gorg how can u not even notice them???</p>
<p><em>Mary</em>: whatever! u coming or not?</p>
<p><em>Marlene</em>: will he be there, or?</p>
<p><em>Mary</em>: fine, YES, brett will be there. BUT!! no snogging until AFTER my time is up! it’s a waste of my hard earned money!</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>i’d hardly call busking at the sunday market ‘hard earned’ but ok</p>
<p><em>Mary:</em> disagree? It was fucking freezing</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> i noticed ur voice has been scratchy? u should probably practice more before recording the backup track anyway?</p>
<p><em>Mary: </em>invitation rescinded!!!</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>fine. i’ll go if u will help me with lydia’s photoshoot?</p>
<p><em>Mary:</em> you get a snog and a glance into the music industry and i have to help with your cat? No thanks</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> i can’t wrangle her and take pics at the same time.</p>
<p><em>Marlene</em>: fine can keep the m&amp;ms</p>
<p><em>Mary:</em> be down in 10.</p>
<p><em>Mary</em>: and take off that slut shirt i know you just grabbed!!! I need you to look professional and i need brett in top form</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: agreed that no one tells tuney abt butterfly documentaries and chill, right???</p>
<p><em>Mary: </em>wait, what???</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>right. alice has a date with frank.</p>
<p><em>Mary:</em> rlly????? at netherfield???</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> no...here...where the sofa smells like cats and Petunia like, exists...</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> I’m sorry that was mean. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> this is happening!! (i’ll ignore that jibe @ lydia)</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>dont tell pet, right???</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>YES</p>
<p><em>Mary: </em>yes</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>u want to shop my lingerie collection alice?</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>ur boobs are too big for my bras but u can knock urself out with the knicker drawer</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>Thanks, but hard pass. </p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>HARD pass?</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> Marlene!</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>fine ur loss</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>No need to make a fuss about this</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>that’s why we aren’t telling pet</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>:)</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>dont u mean ;)</p>
<p><em>Alice Hopkins has left the group chat</em>. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: jsyk we’re staying mum on alice’s netflix date with frank, pet would abuse the info </p>
<p><em>Dorcas: </em>Lils i didn’t even know about this </p>
<p><em>Dorcas: </em>u only sent me that because u were desperate to tell somebody then yeah? </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>don’t be stupid. </p>
<p><em>Dorcas: </em>u can tell you and Pet share some genes</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>*middle finger emoji*</p>
<p><em>Dorcas: </em> oh, go torture ur sims</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Marlene McKinnon to human sunshine emoji</em>: i know ur going on a Date and everything, but if u happen to end up in frankie’s room…</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> we’re watching a documentary!!</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> right. but if ur there, can u use the toilet?? </p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> no</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> and im scared to ask but...why???</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> sort of heard from ms pinkerton’s cousin’s ex </p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> the one u were snogging this summer?</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> the one and only</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> anyway, he said theres a solid gold toilet </p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> and u know me...inquisitive nature...i’d just like to know. u kno?</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> bet Mary on it?</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> NO. offended. just...confirm it if u can...yeah?</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> no</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> i’ll do ur laundry for a week</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> i’ll see what i can do</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Minerva McGonagall to </em><em>✴ </em><em>favourite niece </em><em>✴</em><em>:</em> Does darling Alice truly have a date with Frank tomorrow evening?</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>How</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> im slightly annoyed bc i wanted to tell u</p>
<p><em>Minerva: </em>Can’t be helped. I had tea with his third cousin twice-removed, the entire family’s abuzz about it. I assume, given Petunia’s mess, that it’s our Alice he’s having over for dinner?</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>OH MY GOD</p>
<p><em>Minerva: </em>And I do wish you’d stop messing with your contact names on my phone, Petunia would be most upset if she saw.</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>I don’t know what you’re talking about. </p>
<p><em>Minerva: </em>Reading Week, yes?</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>Yes</p>
<p><em>Minerva: </em>Study hard!</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>of course</p>
<p><em>Minerva: </em>Wish her luck for me, although I’m sure she’ll charm the pants off him.</p>
<p><em>Lily</em>: Auntie!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Remus Lupin to the netherfellas: </em>did you all really go out for dinner with those girls from the charity thing? </p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> not really we just bumped into them.</p>
<p><em>James: </em>Honestly they’re everywhere u’d think they were stalking us. ESPECIALLY evridge </p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> it was nice!</p>
<p>James: evolds wasnt nice!</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>the horsey looking one insisted on dragging out tables 2gether shes a nightmare</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> did you just have the audacity to call Evans a stalker like you weren’t asking me to follow her instagram 4 u last night </p>
<p><em>James: </em>she’d block me if she knew i was following her</p>
<p><em>James: </em>… did you do it</p>
<p><em>Remus: </em>who even are you anymore, prongs</p>
<p><em>James: </em>ur...nvm</p>
<p><em>Remus: </em>and we all know you know her name is evans</p>
<p><em>James: </em>lupin, stop talking about evans (who is obviously biased because she doesn’t see how fit and clever i am and cant forgive One oversight on my part?) when frank is kicking us out tomorrow night!!!</p>
<p><em>Frank: </em>It might help if you actually tried to talk to her when we were at dinner, James? Also I’m just telling u to stay on the fifth floor.</p>
<p><em>James: </em>don’t deflect, frankie. you’re kicking us out</p>
<p><em>Frank: </em>Food can still be delivered, or pete (and only pete!) is excused to go get some. And you have four tvs</p>
<p><em>James: </em>no billiards tho :(</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>u that loud that u need a four floor buffer to shag blondie??</p>
<p><em>James: </em>too far, mate</p>
<p><em>James: </em>wormy, cover ur ears</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> covered!</p>
<p><em>James: </em>but have Fun, frank</p>
<p><em>Remus: </em>what the hell is going on over there????</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>lupin u need some visitors tomorrow night???</p>
<p><em>James: </em>u know u miss us, moony</p>
<p><em>Frank: </em>You boys could use a road trip, yeah? Marauders reunited? Don’t you get tetchy when u haven’t seen each other a while?</p>
<p><em>James: </em>trying to get rid of us frank?</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> Yes, although it’s rude of you to make me say it out loud</p>
<p><em>Remus: </em>would love to see you but i have to write a 12 pg paper on quantum logic and probability theory</p>
<p><em>James: </em>*gasp emoji*</p>
<p><em>Remus: </em>by thursday :(</p>
<p><em>Remus: </em>plus i don’t own a billiards table </p>
<p><em>James: </em>christmas is coming up.</p>
<p><em>Remus: </em>NO</p>
<p><em>James: </em>we’ll leave u to it then</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>frankie u really banishing us to the fifth floor????</p>
<p><em>Frank: </em>That or out the door fellas. *heart emoji*</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> fifth floor it is!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Sabatha47152 commented on </em><em>LyddyKitty’s Instagram post: </em>lmao my mop is cuter than this cat</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Alice Hopkins to ily Evans: </em>thanks for the flowers???</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>just saw them and thought of u &lt;3 good luck for ur date tonight!</p>
<p><em>Lily</em>: i’ll be home to do your hair before pet gets back</p>
<p><em>Alice</em>: lil I’m not wearing these heels though</p>
<p><em>Lily</em>: i had to Try</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Frank Longbottom to the netherfellas</em>: Who slipped this...contraceptive device...into my biscuit tin???</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> james</p>
<p><em>James: </em>sirius</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> the biscuit tin was james</p>
<p><em>James: </em>fuck u both</p>
<p><em>James: </em>sirius slipped one under the remote</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> we didnt poke holes in them or anything, frankie</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> upstairs, fellas</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Mary MacDonald to </em><em>Mrs Frank: </em>so, there’s this silly thing w/ marlene and a toilet…</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>no </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</em> ok have fun and keep me posted xoxox </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>like, not Too posted, but posted</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>ur the worst</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>nah u love me</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>unfortunately *heart emoji* </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject: </em>it’s just as well that alice isn’t game, because u would’ve hated to dedicate your first album to lydia</p>
<p><em>Mary:</em> don’t you mean you would’ve hated posting my demo on your account??</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Remus Lupin to Marauders:</em> you guys burned down frank’s house yet?</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> not Yet, but the night is young</p>
<p><em>James: </em>Pete’s keeping us in line dont worry mate</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> they have me in the closet, spying actually.</p>
<p><em>James: </em>wow</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>what choices u make are ur own</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> I’d ask if you’re joking, but…</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i didnt have work tonight, may as well.</p>
<p><em>James: </em>job?</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> he started working at tesco last week prongs</p>
<p><em>James: </em>i thought that was just a pretext to avoid sirius?</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> thats just a benefit. and a paycheck</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily:</em> Do you know where Alice is tonight? She hasn’t been returning any of my messages. </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>she has an essay due tomorrow, pulling an all-nighter at the library</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Hm. Doesn’t seem like Alice to leave an assignment so late.</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>im sure there are lots of things u don’t know abt her</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Remus Lupin to Marauders:</em> Pete, can you get out of the closet without them seeing you???</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> nah. they’re...watching a documentary abt mating habits of butterflies?</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> no action???</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> the butterflies...</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> Longbots and Blondie, mate</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> nah. not even a finger out of line!</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> boring</p>
<p><em>James: </em>disappointing. Keep us posted mate.</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> what are you two going to get up to????</p>
<p><em>James: </em>don’t even worry about it. Frank took the lighters.</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> sirius’s hair spray???</p>
<p><em>James:</em> Was it u who told him about that????</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> maybe. and your emergency matches?</p>
<p><em>James: </em>mine and padfoot’s.</p>
<p>James: You warned him well u obstructionist bastard.</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> but not well enough</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> pete, you didnt give them your matches did you????</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>he didnt Give them to us lupin, we confiscated them when he was sleeping</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> u did????</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> damn. u did.</p>
<p><em>James: </em>our need was greater wormy. what could u light up in a closet anyway?</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> i hate u both</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> same</p>
<p><em>James: </em>get back to ur essay lupin. We’re just going to help them along. Create a chance for them to grow closer.</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> shared trauma is the key to any healthy relationship. my therapist told me that</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> your therapist definitely didn’t tell you that</p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> also im going to pretend i didnt have this convo</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Remus Lupin to </em><em>longbots</em>: I know you’re Busy, but please know I had nothing to do with whatever’s about to go down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>James Potter to the netherfellas</em>: Listen. Frank. Mate. This is going to look really bad with the timing and all, but I promise this was an accident. </p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> What, James?</p>
<p><em>James: </em>We were just trying to make popcorn</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> What was an accident?</p>
<p><em>James: </em>Wait for it. </p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> ....</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> Is that the FIRE ALARM???</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Peter Pettigrew to Prongs:</em> did u two set off the burglar alarm?</p>
<p><em>James: </em>ur still in the house??? Fuck mate, that is the fire alarm. </p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> fire?</p>
<p><em>James: </em>GET OUT.</p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> wait u set the house on fire and u were just going to leave me in the closet? </p>
<p><em>Peter:</em> James???</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Petunia Evans to Flat Party Line: </em>Girls! NETHERFIELD IS BURNING!</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Mrs Bagshot called. The fire department arrived ten minutes ago!!!</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>What a tragedy!</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Oh my giddy aunt I do hope Frank is okay. I already felt awful tonight, but this is terrible News.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Remus Lupin to Marauders</em>: wait, you ACTUALLY set a fire in Franks house???? jesus fucking christ what is wrong with you both</p>
<p><em>James: </em>It was an accident! We were only winding you up earlier Moony I swear</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> hardly our fault frankie doesnt have a microwave up here</p>
<p><em>James:</em> we wanted popcorn. had to improvise! </p>
<p><em>Remus:</em> somehow you made that sound worse than if you’d actually committed arson</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: Fuck?????</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>have you tried calling her?????</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>she isn’t picking up</p>
<p><em>Mary: </em>the instruments in the music room!</p>
<p><em>Mary: </em>i mean i’m sure petunia’s just blowing it out of proportion!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</em> Al</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>im SO sorry to interrupt ur beetles and chill but i need u to just...tell me ur fine</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>Al?</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>Alice??</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>ALICE ELIZABETH HOPKINS</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>ARE YOU ALIVE????</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>i s2g if ur alive and snoggin frank and tuney’s wrong, ill murder u</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>if ur dead tho i didnt mean that</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>or having just escaped a fire</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>not to be Extra but ur supposed to keep ur phone on for emergencies!</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>just pls answer me???</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> I’m alive!</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> and </p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> how did u know???</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>Tuney! u okay?????</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> I’m Fine.</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>where are u????</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> don’t panic, but</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>but???</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> i’m sort of in an ambulance. But i’m fine! Perfectly.</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>Perfectly Fine in an ambulance after escaping a house fire??????</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> it’s just my ankle. It’s probably not even broken. And the fire was minimal! They didn’t mean to</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> nvmd</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>… who didn’t mean to?</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> Lily…</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>who started the fire, Al?</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> It was James and Sirius, but they were only trying to make popcorn!</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>those absolute</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>nevermind</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>which hospital?</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> Atkinsons </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>be there soon xoxo </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: posh boys fuck up popcorn, woman breaks ankle. more @ 11</p>
<p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: how do u fuck up popcorn????</p>
<p><em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: rich people are on another level </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to Flat Party Line: </em>Tuney, don’t get mad, but I need a favour. </p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Why would I get mad?</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Silly question. What did you do, Lily?</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>alice isn’t in the library. she’s at franks. they had a date but we didn’t tell you. there was an accident and al hurt her ankle and i need you to drive me to the hospital. </p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Date?? Frank??? Fire???? Ankle?????</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Why didn’t you tell me?</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>My Nerves!! I’m going to be sick again.</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>we wanted to spare ur nerves which is WHY we didn’t tell u</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>and ours </p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Marlene?</p>
<p><em>Marlene: </em>shit. wrong chat</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>I can’t drive you anyway. I’ve been drinking wine. I’m over the limit.</p>
<p><em>Mary: </em>since when do you drink on weeknights? have you finally gone over the edge?</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Mary!</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>she’s lying, mary. </p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Fine, I haven’t been drinking, although I do have a headache and I’m not feeling well.</p>
<p><em>Lily</em>: i know ur upset but p l e a s eeeeee</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Besides, Frank is there. I’m sure he’s capable of taking perfectly good care of her. (I daresay he’ll wait with her in the hospital until they’re done and then she’ll spend the night at his.)</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>this is low even for you, Petunia</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>whatever. i’ll walk</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Don’t be silly, it’s pouring down rain!</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Just L-I-B (leave it be), Lily.</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>either drop me off or stop talking to me</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</em> omw xox </p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>Petunia agreed to drive you?</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> nah she’s bein a dick im on the bus </p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> Lils! Its freezing cold and raining!! Go home before you catch a cold!!!</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> this isn’t the regency era, Al, I’ll be fine</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> u know ily </p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> i kno</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> u doing ok?</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> yes. Frank’s very attentive.</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> im sure he is ;)</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> nice</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: has marlene filled you in already</p>
<p><em>Dorcas: </em>yeah, Alice okay?</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> i think so i’m on my way to the hospital </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>Pet wouldnt drive me because she’s an absolute fiend so i’m getting the bus </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>and my umbrella flew away??</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>oh my gd i just got splashed by a bus holy shit</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>am i in Just My Luck? like, u’d tell me if i’d turned into lindsay lohan, right? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Mary MacDonald to TheGoodEvans: </em>if it helps, she really has been getting sick all night</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>it kinda does.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to Flat Party Line</em>: Al is okay, the doc thinks its broken but she’s going in for an x-ray in four hours </p>
<p><em>Mary: </em>FOUR hours</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>i kno</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>vote labour </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>potter and black are here being Notorious pricks </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>i swear to god they set that fire on purpose just to sabotage the date </p>
<p><em>Mary: </em>lily don’t you think thats a BIT much even for them? </p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> mary, they set fire to popcorn </p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> bet they think frank is too good for alice bc her fuckin arsehole isn’t made of gold </p>
<p><em>Petunia:</em> Please, Lily. Don’t be vulgar.</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> You don’t get to complain!</p>
<p><em>Petunia:</em> Fine. Just don’t make a scene in the waiting room.</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> I’ll be civil to them if they’re civil to me. </p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> sounds promising </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>U wish (@shiningstar) tweeted: </em>this is why i use uber lmao</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Dorcas Meadowes to lils: </em>oh God </p>
<p><em>Dorcas: </em>u good?</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>I sent that like an hr ago ur the worst</p>
<p><em>Dorcas</em>: working sorry</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to Sirius Arsehole Black</em>: piss off????</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>and dont u dare respond to this</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>bastard</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> I bet ur a tory</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>James Potter to fleabag</em>: idk what evans texted you to send you into a sulk but can u not do this Here pls i need you </p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> im Not sulking</p>
<p><em>James: </em>you turned down my facetime ur def sulking </p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> fine. cant promise my dirty looks arent going to absolute devastate her tho</p>
<p><em>James: </em>bring teas pls </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Sirius Black to tacky hair and weak ankles</em>: im not a fucking tory, jsyk</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> okay i didn’t know u were going to shit your pants, did i</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> nd dont think the tea is a peace offering it isnt</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> in fact i hope u choke on it </p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> god you’re all the fucking worst</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Minerva McGonagall to </em><em>✴ </em><em>favourite niece </em><em>✴</em><em>:</em> Hello, dear. How was darling Alice’s date with young Frank?</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>ask your other niece. gossip shop’s closed</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Minerva McGonagall to Other Niece</em>: Hello, dear. How was darling Alice’s date with young Frank?</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>It’s still going on, actually! According to Lily, they’re getting on rather well.</p>
<p><em>Minerva: </em>Lovely. Is your sister alright?</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Positively peachy.</p>
<p><em>Minerva: </em>Splendid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Sirius Black to jam pot</em>: what the fuck does evans look like lmao</p>
<p><em>James: </em>Sirius. She literally travelled through a storm to visit her friend in hospital. Leave it alone, yeah?</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>sorry, didnt realise u were in love with her. whens the wedding?</p>
<p><em>James: </em>Seriously </p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>fine. not being your bridesmaid tho</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Sirius Black to potters shrew</em>: u do have a nice arse evans </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>I’ll literally call the police so don’t try me</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>thats a compliment, not a come on</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>cool, now fuck off?</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>james is a butt man u should show it off </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>thats disgusting</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>why would i even want 2 show off to potter?</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>come on, dont be tiresome. also, doing a catwalk wld make alice laugh </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>dammit</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>only if u do it too</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>james has already seen mine from every angle</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>yes but making alice laugh would get u back in potters good graces tho</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>which i assume is why ur doing this</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>also...interesting to know u think my arse will get u back into potter’s good graces</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> fucking fine. u first tho</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>James Potter to frankilicious: </em>serious question here frank, obviously i dont want to SAY anything but, am i high as fuck or are evans and padfoot definitely trying to show off their arses right now???</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> I mean u might be high</p>
<p><em>James: </em>i am, but</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> yes, Lily just practically threw her phone at the floor and then bent over in front of you to pick it up so</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> Pretty sure thats whats happening.</p>
<p><em>James: </em>Nice </p>
<p><em>James: </em>Why though??? Shes so confusing</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> Don’t know mate, but its making alice laugh </p>
<p><em>James: </em>True</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to potters bitch: </em>seriously? facetiming w/ potter while he pisses?</p>
<p><em>Sirius: </em>ill excuse u not to listen in on other peoples Private convos</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>you excused yourself to the other side of the curtain?</p>
<p><em>Sirius:</em> exactly</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>at least have him get me some crisps while he stops at the vending machine for your munchies</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> its the least you arseholes can do for maiming my best mate</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> and tell him to wash his hands!!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Lily Evans to loony tuney: </em>you’ve had your fun can you come and pick us up please </p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>potter’s stupid car only holds like 2 people everyone’s tired we just want to go home</p>
<p><em>Petunia: </em>Fine. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>James Potter to </em><em>frankilicoius:</em> I really am sorry about tonight though mate. You know we wouldn’t have done that on purpose</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> Now that we know Alice is going to make it, don’t worry about it</p>
<p><em>James: </em>make it? she tripped up a curb????</p>
<p><em>James: </em>no you’re right. I’m sorry.</p>
<p><em>James: </em>i did mean the house though.</p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> Right! Well, according to Mrs Pinkerton, the damage was minimal. Mostly smoke damage so we’ll just have to leave the fifth floor vacated for a few weeks. ...Maybe don’t have Pete spying on any of my future dates from the closet though, yeah? </p>
<p><em>James: </em>Can’t make any promises </p>
<p><em>Frank:</em> Fair. I’m going to need u to hand over Pete’s matches which I know are in your pocket</p>
<p><em>James: </em>also fair </p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Marlene McKinnon to FlAt pArTy LiNe</em>: well. that was divine!!</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> what about tht was divine??? Al’s sprained ankle?? me nearly dying of hypothermia? U and petunia and mary rolling up in ur pyjamas to get us?? with lydia???</p>
<p><em>Petunia:</em> You just be glad I came at 2 in the morning.</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> in curlers????</p>
<p><em>Petunia:</em> I am going to bed, girls. I have a gown fitting in Town tomorrow.</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> no, frank agreeing to host the christmas party!!</p>
<p><em>Marlene:</em> and fancy dress!!</p>
<p><em>Mary:</em> and he agreed to get the karaoke machine!</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> of course</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> tomorrow we’re going to have a Flat Conference abt appropriate hospital etiquette</p>
<p><em>Alice:</em> you’re appropriate hospital etiquette</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> that’d be the pain killers.</p>
<p><em>Lily:</em> im going to go check on alice. U both get to bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Alice Hopkins to ily evans</em>: im okallydokally</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>u sure?</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>nope. u have a nice bum.</p>
<p><em>Alice: </em>not as nice as frank longbottom tho. hes a perfect specinem ??</p>
<p><em>Lily: </em>ily</p>
<p> </p>
<p>—</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>James Potter to evans (</em><em>ง</em><em>'̀-'́)</em><em>ง</em><em>:</em> Hey its James Potter. Alice gave me ur # hope u dont mind. Just wanted to say sorry about tonight. Hope Alice is okay. - J</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 3. Operation: Boiled Potato</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Petunia Evans to Hopkins, Alice:</em> Alice, we need to have a talk before you spend more unchaperoned time with Frank.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Oh?                                                 </p><p><em>Alice:</em> OH. Pet...that’s really not necessary.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Yes it is! It’s a delicate subject, but an important one.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> well...go ahead then.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Thank you. I’m sure you know how to take care of yourself (and Frank seems like a lovely fellow). However, in case he gets carried away and is in any way untoward (or makes you uncomfortable), Lily can show you how to throw a proper punch.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> that is...not what I was expecting.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Our dad taught us. I would teach you, but manicure. It’s a good skill to have though.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> ...thank you</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Have fun! But not Marlene kind of fun. (No is a complete sentence!)</p><p><em>Alice:</em> will do</p><p><em>Alice: </em>or won’t</p><p><em>Alice:</em> are you still feeling unwell?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Still rather peaky, yes, but I’ll get over this horrid flu by the end of the week.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> you will?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Lily and Yvonne and I have bridesmaids dress shopping. Of course I’ll be better. I’ve got to be!</p><p><em>Alice:</em> oh yes</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to loony tuney:</em> I don’t want to spend the day with you tomorrow if you’ve been vomiting all week.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I’m fine.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> you literally fell asleep on the sofa at seven last night</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> A little tired is all. Honestly, I haven’t a fever or anything</p><p><em>Lily:</em> if i get the flu from you i’m going to be furious?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Yvonne and Aunt Minerva are meeting us in London at 11, Lily. We’re going!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fine</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>did you get a dress???</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ‘dress’ is a loose term, but yes. Although i wish we hadn’t?</p><p><em>Alice:</em> i doubt is as bad as all that</p><p><em>Lily:</em> here’s the link</p><p><em>Alice:</em> oh. Well she wasnt lying about that bridesmaids pinterest board, was she?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> nope</p><p><em>Alice:</em> at least that shade of pink will look lovely on yvonne</p><p><em>Lily:</em> you and the silver linings</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Severus Snape to Lily:</em> Hey Lil, its Sev. I know its been a while since we talked, and things got slightly strained between us, but I really don’t want such a trivial thing such as differences in political opinions to get between us. How have you been? Tried to talk to you in the library the other day but you must have been busy as you rushed off. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> how are u texting me when i swore i’d blocked your number. </p><p><em>Severus:</em> new phone?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> the fact you think your outdated, toxic, bigoted political opinions are trivial says it all. I’m blocking this number, too!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to loony tuney: </em>are you crying over vine compilations for the third night in a row??</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> It’s only wedding hormones.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> that’s not a thing</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I’m relieving stress, Lily. You’ve no idea the pressure I’ve been under, managing you girls with these Gentlemen and trying to plan a wedding! I can’t even Pin anything right now I’m so upset.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> u wanna come over to mine and watch gourmet makes?</p><p>Petuna: What’s gourmet makes?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> come and see</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I-I-M (if I must)! In my defence, some of those vines were quite tragic! Imagine being nineteen and not knowing how to read.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</em> have u heard from ur perfect specimen lately </p><p><em>Alice:</em> Lily </p><p><em>Alice:</em> its been two weeks </p><p><em>Alice:</em> I was drug addled </p><p><em>Lily:</em> sorry. meant perfect specinem</p><p><em>Lily: </em>but have u? have u?</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Lily! we were at the same picnic like 4 days ago</p><p><em>Lily:</em> right but i meant like Personal contact ;)</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: oh my god?????</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>what</p><p><em>Lily:</em> this Bertram guy we’re stuck with for the analysis project???</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>you know him?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> no </p><p><em>Lily:</em> yes</p><p><em>Lily:</em> kinda</p><p><em>Lily:</em> his is one of the many ok cupid profiles pet slid under my door last month </p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>which one is he?? ginger fetish guy? socks with sandals??? </p><p><em>Lily:</em> vegetable boy</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>the one with the the aunt complex????</p><p><em>Lily:</em> the one and only</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>jesus christ </p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>didn’t even know he went here</p><p><em>Lily:</em> same</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ugh petunia is going to be a nightmare if she finds out </p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>at least we have each other…</p><p><em>Lily:</em> small consolation tbh</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>rude. you’re a small consolation, Shorty</p><p><em>Lily:</em> not what i meant. ily xoxox</p><p><em>Lily:</em> also can we work at urs so she Doesn’t find out</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>sorry Lils :/ landlord is having work done its noisy af</p><p><em>Lily:</em> damnit </p><p><em>Lily:</em> we cant go to HIS god even knows what kind of vegetable-based depravity we might encounter </p><p><em>Lily:</em> mine it is i suppose </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to kittymama</em>: did u feed lyds extra today? we’re out of food already</p><p><em>Lily:</em> nah there was a black cat out front</p><p><em>Lily:</em> he was a cutie so i left him a bowl</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> … there’s another cat in your life?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> it didn’t mean anything… you know lydia’s my one and only….</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> i dont like it. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> oh stop he was a sweetheart. and he had the cutest little white bowtie on his chest.</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: like a real bowtie? or</p><p><em>Lily:</em> on his fur!</p><p>Lily: but also we should consider a bowtie for lydia</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: agreed but i dnt trust this other cat</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Bertram Aubrey to Modern Literature Study Group</em>: Hello ladies. ;) Looking forward to working with both of you lovely females. Despite the hormone imbalance (2-1 haha), I’m sure we’ll have a splendid time. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> So uh, how did you get our numbers?</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> I have connections, Miss Evans.</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>that’s not creepy at all</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> I’m glad you don’t think so, Miss Meadowes! My Aunt, Miss Druella de Black, author of the rather famous poem, /Me, Myself, and I/, has extremely far reaching connections.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Lovely.</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> She truly is. And of course, her profound influence has equipped me to take the lead for our little project.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Sabatha47159 posted to L</em><em>yddyKitty’s Instagram post: </em>oh look. it’s a cat...with a bowtie. how fucking original</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to frankenfurter:</em> ...found rando love note addressed under my pillows w/ ur seal on it.</p><p><em>Frank:</em> Open it.</p><p><em>James: </em>You made us a scavenger hunt????</p><p><em>Frank:</em> Throwback to the Redgrove days. Have fun :)</p><p><em>James: </em>So proud. That’s...almost Marauderish.</p><p><em>Frank:</em>  ...You lot were bound to rub off on me eventually. Im away today and wanted to ensure you have some structure :)</p><p><em>James: </em>Smart move…. Alice??</p><p><em>Frank:</em> We’re sorting the butterfly specimens at the museum today! </p><p><em>James: </em>...have fun with that</p><p><em>Frank:</em> dont destroy the town, please. I’ll still live here when you leave…</p><p><em>James: </em>*wink emoji**thumbs up emoji*</p><p><em>Frank:</em> that doesn’t inspire confidence, James</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Lily Evans added Dorcas Meadowes to lyddy’s babes.</em>
</p><p><em>Lily:</em> okay girls. Operation: boiled potato commences in 10.</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> is it 2 late 2 challenge the code name?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> when ur idea was ‘steamed asparagus’....yes</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> but it’s, like, the same as urs</p><p><em>Lily:</em> mine’s funnier. Now FOCUS. Bertram will be coming in through the front door, straight down the hall and into the kitchen. Petunia is sick but she c a n n o t see him. Everyone’s phones synced?</p><p><em>Mary:</em> Lily, our phones go off the atomic clock</p><p><em>Lily:</em> right. Are we all in our various positions? steamed asparagus, are u ready on the stairs???</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> that’s not my code name?!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> it is now since u love it so much. Plus ‘eggplant emoji’ is a terrible code name. U in position?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> yep. waiting on the stairs, baby carrot. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> id at least be a full sized carrot </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> shut up baby carrot. also: The cat is in the bag</p><p><em>Mary:</em> what’s that code for???</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> no i literally have lydia in my handbag </p><p><em>Mary:</em> right </p><p><em>Lily:</em> and if Broccoli Stalk tries to enter the living room?</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> i let lyds loose on her new shoes then scream bloody murder</p><p><em>Lily:</em> and u, corn cob??</p><p><em>Mary:</em> who’s corn cob??</p><p><em>Lily:</em> you are! didnt u memorise the sheet i gave u</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to fleabag</em>: stop ignoring my fucking facetimes and get up, pads. We have an adventure today.</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> is it before 10</p><p><em>James: </em>time is an illusion, mate</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> then no</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject</em>: u lost ur sheet?</p><p><em>Mary:</em> NO</p><p><em>Mary:</em> never had it. you have yours??</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> memorised it and burned it. as one should!</p><p><em>Mary:</em> well where am i supposed to be???</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> forgot……..</p><p><em>Mary:</em> ...i’ll tell Lily what happened to her fave strappy shoes last week</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> hall closet. If u hear petunia coming out, compliment her on her wardrobe organization and ask her to intervene on urs.</p><p><em>Mary:</em> shit??? i have things i DON’T want her to see in my wardrobe</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> that</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> or face lily’s wrath</p><p><em>Mary:</em> btw lily’s...you know i HATE to say this...acting a bit like her sister, no???</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> ur not wrong but dont let her hear u say that</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> better get in position corn cob</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to tweetypetey</em>: up, wormy! Adventure calls.</p><p><em>Peter:</em> its 8am?</p><p><em>James: </em>no it isn’t!</p><p><em>Peter:</em> my phone says it is!</p><p><em>James: </em>U trust your phone over me???</p><p><em>Peter:</em> shouldn’t I?</p><p><em>Peter:</em> anyway I have work today...</p><p><em>James: </em>i’ll compensate u mate. scavenger hunt! ill let u splash water on sirius to wake him up</p><p><em>Peter:</em> coming…</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: corn cob????</p><p><em>Mary:</em> i’m here!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ok. Im counting on u girls...esp as sweetpea couldn’t be here.</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> why’d alice get the good name??</p><p><em>Lily:</em> because she’s better than all of us and you know it</p><p><em>Mary:</em> fine. true. </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> is she snogging frank?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> she had to pick up a last-minute shift at the restaurant</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> ill bet someone frank’s dining in again</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Sirius Black to Marauders</em>: ur fucking DEAD</p><p><em>Remus:</em> ???</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> not u lupin. back to bed w/ u</p><p><em>Remus:</em> I dont wanna know</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: FOCUS</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> ok, tiny carrot</p><p><em>Mary:</em> someone just knocked!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> 3...2….1….standby</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to Marauders</em>: ...i kind of do though?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Dorcas Meadowes to lils</em>: did your closet just sneeze</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ...nah</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>it definitely did</p><p><em>Lily:</em> maybe its allergic to Berty</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>likely. what’s up tho?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> backup plan. let’s...get back to work.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to Marauders</em>: hello?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Dorcas Meadowes to lils</em>: he’s exactly what i thought he’d be FYI</p><p><em>Lily:</em> the sooner we do this research...the faster he’ll leave</p><p><em>Dorcas:</em> torture. did he just compliment my typing skills???</p><p><em>Lily:</em> and your mouse clicking</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>ugh can u do the ppt? i suck at it and dont want any more compliments</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ur literally getting a comm degree</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>yes but I’m going to work on the creative side so I get to tell production how to do it</p><p><em>Dorcas:</em> also ur so good at the transitions</p><p><em>Lily:</em> flattery will….get u exactly what u want</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>mwah</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to Marauders</em>: what is goin on over there that you cant even text me back</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> lupin unless u speak archaic latin, u dont want to know</p><p><em>Peter:</em> do u??? speak archaic latin?</p><p><em>Remus:</em> i mean obviously i dont /really. one can’t really speak a dead language, can they?</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> LUPIN</p><p><em>Remus:</em> i did do a module on it in first year </p><p><em>James: </em>Moony, when u come thru, u come thru. U have the spoons to translate?</p><p><em>Remus:</em> sure</p><p><em>Remus:</em> wait</p><p><em>Remus:</em> WAIT</p><p><em>Remus:</em> are you pricks doing a scavenger hunt w/out me?????</p><p><em>James: </em>No</p><p><em>James: </em>Snapping a clue 2 u now tho</p><p><em>James: </em>i promise we arent even having fun</p><p> </p><p>— </p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: how’s it going???? lydia is in the kitchen??</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> she escaped! mary has petunia in her room n petty is teaching her how 2 fold a fitted sheet.</p><p><em>Lily: </em>she’s feeling better then, petunia? </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> apparently</p><p><em>Lily:</em> shit! well remind me to share mary’s EP on fb. and can u come get lydia?? i dont want bertram sullying her w/ his presence…</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> i...cannot</p><p><em>Lily:</em> and why can u not??</p><p><em>Mary:</em> she left for a date</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to Marauders: </em>did my translation work??</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> like a charm</p><p><em>Peter:</em> almost as charming as you :P </p><p><em>Remus:</em> and what are you up to now??</p><p><em>Peter:</em> stole some bikes!</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> borrowed*</p><p><em>Peter:</em> we ‘borrowed’ some bikes!</p><p><em>Peter:</em> have to go tho!</p><p><em>Remus:</em> maybe stop riding + texting then???</p><p><em>Peter:</em> me? those arseholes are facetiming from a block apart!!</p><p><em>Peter:</em> lol g2g prongs just almost mowed down an old lady on a zebra crossing...</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject</em>: bitch</p><p><em>Mary:</em> slag</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> *eggplant emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Sirius Black to pete petticoat</em>: where are u nd prongs</p><p><em>Peter:</em> by the gargoyle fountain.</p><p><em>Peter:</em> wait. just me.</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> u didnt wait for him</p><p><em>Peter:</em> that lady was kicking his arse!!</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> is that why he hung up on me</p><p><em>Peter:</em> she did a roundhouse and it flew out of his hand O_O</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> cant believe i missed that. also cant believe u lost ur best friend</p><p><em>Peter:</em> so did u…</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> Our call disconnected! And irrelevant. U lost him AND ur at the wrong fountain.</p><p><em>Peter:</em> u sure you’re by the happy gargoyle fountain?</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> pretty fucking, yeah</p><p><em>Peter:</em> have u actually looked at them?? </p><p><em>Peter:</em> the clue said immortality. goth, padfoot. Obviously the ones we put eyeliner on last week!</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> obvs</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> nd dont u mean the ones *I* put eyeliner on. u can’t do wings for shit pete</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Dorcas Meadowes to lils</em>: i think...veg boi might be allergic to the cat</p><p><em>Lily:</em> u think??</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>he sneezed on my hand</p><p><em>Lily:</em> I thought that was ur perfume</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to Padfoot:</em> yes. but have u looked at the gargoyles yet???</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> yes</p><p><em>Peter:</em>  …</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> fine.</p><p><em>Peter:</em> and??</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Dorcas Meadowes to lils</em>: WOW</p><p><em>Lily:</em> no...like...it’s Great. I just…</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Sirius Black to pete petticoat</em>: well, fuck. these aren’t happy gargoyles. ur at the other fountain then?</p><p><em>Peter:</em> told u!</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> fuck off?? u know i hate being reminded when i’m wrong</p><p><em>Peter:</em> we’d better not tell moony we lost prongs….</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> fucking dubai all over again</p><p><em>Peter:</em> prongs won’t answer his phone…</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> yah i kno. he wont answer my facetime. ive tried 17 times</p><p><em>Peter:</em> didn’t we put a gps tracker in the sole of his chucks?</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> genius</p><p><em>Peter:</em> don’t thank me it was his mum’s idea, remember?</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> thank u mrs p</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Sirius Black to mumsie: listen thanks again for putting that GPS tracker in james’s shoes</p><p><em>Euphemia:</em> We can’t have a repeat of Dubai, can we?</p><p><em>Euphemia</em>: Almost afraid to ask, but what are you boys up to?</p><p><em>Sirius</em>: ...</p><p><em>Euphemia</em>: Nevermind. Find James!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Dorcas Meadowes to lils</em>: also, he’s breaking out in a rash??</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ohmygod he’s allergic to Lydia</p><p><em>Lily:</em> what a Good Cat</p><p><em>Lily:</em> knew i raised her right</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>your cat, u get to tell him</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>or. OR we could let him get worse, then he’ll leave??</p><p><em>Lily:</em> pet wld never talk to me again if someone died in her kitchen</p><p><em>Lily:</em> so thats a win win </p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>but then she’d find out u didn't tell her about this</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fine!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to Marauders</em>: good news, we found prongs!</p><p><em>Remus:</em> you lost him? do I have to remind you?</p><p><em>Peter:</em> please don’t.</p><p><em>Peter:</em> bad news is now we’re ALL lost. </p><p><em>James: </em>but we’re all lost together, is the important thing.</p><p><em>Remus:</em> how can you be lost when google maps like, exists </p><p><em>James: </em>maps are for cowards</p><p><em>Remus:</em> right-o</p><p><em>James: </em>yep. we can't technically use maps but can you pull an italian job for us? we’re on our bikes and ready to go. Sent you our next destination</p><p><em>Remus:</em> no</p><p><em>James: </em>you can wear the real napster shirt in our christmas fb cover photo</p><p><em>Remus:</em> oh boy, facebook cover photo. how ever could i resist that</p><p><em>James: </em>you can pretend like youre hacking the lights</p><p><em>Remus:</em> deal</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Mary McDonald to lyddy’s babes</em>: CODE GREEN </p><p><em>Lily:</em> whats code green? are you going off sheet?</p><p><em>Mary:</em> PET IS HEADING YOUR WAY </p><p><em>Mary:</em> she saw the crisp crumbs under my bed and she’s coming to get the hoover</p><p><em>Mary:</em> im SORRY lil i tried to deter her but you know how she gets about crumbs!!! </p><p><em>Lily:</em> FUCK </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to Moony:</em> good news or bad?</p><p><em>Remus:</em> good?</p><p><em>Peter:</em> have found our next clue!</p><p><em>Remus:</em> bad?</p><p><em>Peter:</em> it involves climbing the bell tower lol.</p><p><em>Remus:</em> pretty sure frank woudnt make you climb the bell tower???</p><p><em>Peter:</em> well there are stairs, but…</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily:</em> I don’t know why on earth you made such a hubbub about this, Lily. </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Of course I’m not going to cause a fuss. Just, be nice to him. </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> And let me know if you need anything.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> And sit up a little straighter! You do look ugly when you slouch like that.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to wormy:</em> which one??</p><p><em>Peter:</em> both of them. I’m spotting.</p><p><em>Remus:</em> shit</p><p><em>Peter:</em> damn. got to go!!!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily:</em> And laugh at his jokes! His Aunt is incredibly rich, you know. Lovely poet.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Just as a matter of Pinterest.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> interest*</p><p><em>Lily:</em> this is why i caused a hubbub </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Sirius Black to devine lupine</em>: lupin, u know any solicitors????</p><p><em>Remus:</em> only the one you have on speed dial</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> she fired us actually</p><p><em>Remus:</em> wonder why????</p><p><em>Remus: </em>are you asking this Preemptively, or has the stupid decision already been made</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> both</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> actually nvmd. figured it out</p><p><em>Remus</em>: padfoot???</p><p><em>Remus:</em> Sirius!</p><p><em>Remus: </em>SIRIUS BLACK</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to Flat Party Line</em>: well, that was a disaster</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> It truly was! I can’t believe you’ve poisoned yet another potential suitor.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I...literally cannot deal with this stress right now? I should not be this stressed right now! I’m going to spend a few days with Vernon!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> bye!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to Moony</em>: why do they always have to pick the MOST expensive restaurants??</p><p><em>Remus:</em> need some cash?</p><p><em>Peter: </em>no! I’ve got it, but that’s not the point! I asked if we could go somewhere cheaper, and they just</p><p><em>Remus:</em> offered to buy?</p><p><em>Peter:</em> yes!</p><p><em>Remus: </em>I hear you. they do mean well, but</p><p><em>Peter:</em> they just don’t get it</p><p><em>Remus:</em> sorry mate</p><p><em>Peter: </em>thanks. ok if I'm not back in a min they’ll start to look for me. just needed to vent.</p><p><em>Remus:</em> any time</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: well. that was a disaster</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> snogging, sry</p><p><em>Lily:</em> how great can he be if ur checking ur phone</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> im a gd multitasker</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> bye</p><p><em>Mary:</em> i heard</p><p><em>Lily:</em> anyone wanna go for drinks?</p><p><em>Mary:</em> dont hate me..but im going to finish cleaning my closet now…</p><p><em>Lily:</em> MARY</p><p><em>Mary:</em> organization is the key to happiness!!!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to evans (</em><em>ง</em><em>'̀-'́)</em><em>ง</em><em>:</em> …</p><p><em>James: </em>i know this seems weird, and i promise this isnt as perverted as it sounds, but ur the only person from this town whose number i have besides frank, and he wont help, and ive never /not finished and giving up is not an option an nor is google, because that’s for quitters. So can i ask a ?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> what the fuck, potter?</p><p><em>James: </em>...are there any adult shops in town?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> hey serious question</p><p><em>Lily:</em> what the actual literal FUCK is wrong with u </p><p><em>James: </em>Its a scavenger hunt! I promise!</p><p><em>James: </em>so are there any, or</p><p><em>James: </em>evans?</p><p><em>James: </em>fuck</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to mother of my child:</em> ….dont read too much into this...but do we have any like,,, adult shops around here????</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> i thought ud never ask???</p><p><em>Lily:</em> nvmd</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Dorcas Meadowes to lils</em>: ...hey</p><p><em>Lily:</em> well u disappeared pretty fucking sharpish after Petunia brought out the cheese and wine for us</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>things to do, girls to seduce</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>has Pet calmed down?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> she was so furious she left for a few days!</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>fabulous</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject: </em>did u sort lydia’s costumes by season, then colour?</p><p><em>Mary:</em> yes! </p><p><em>Mary:</em> i STILL think shes ridiculous but you’re welcome</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to kittymama: </em>im worried about mary</p><p><em>Lily: </em>she also organised my shoes by fuckability</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: most 2 least or least 2 most?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> the latter</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: yikes</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Bertram Aubrey to Modern Literature Study Group</em>: Had a delightful time today, ladies. I’ve just reviewed the documents you drafted. What a superbly featured powerpoint and what excellent font choices! I’ve never seen such exemplary slide transitions. To which of my esteemed colleagues shall I compliment the excellence of the formatting?</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>100% Lily</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Delightful. Your course of study is communications, is it not, Miss Meadowes?  </p><p>Dorcas: ...yes</p><p><em>Bertram: </em>Well, how kind of you take Miss Evans under your tutelage and allow her a chance to develop this skill.</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>thanks?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>James Potter to frankenfurter:</em> Sorry to interrupt your date, mate. :) I know u said no help but do u have like, a good solicitor on file</p><p><em>Frank:</em> ...wow</p><p><em>James: </em>just messing with you!</p><p><em>Frank</em>: haha, so funny James</p><p><em>James: </em>although...a homicidal elderly woman kicked my arse, i properly ruined whatever small chance i had with evans, sirius got slapped by the shop clerk who had a giant mood ring on her finger, and pete got attacked by fifteen year old, so...</p><p><em>Frank:</em> dear god</p><p><em>James: </em>i did have a legit question though...where is the sex shop youre trying to send us to???</p><p><em>Frank:</em> I wasn’t. We don’t even have anything like that here.</p><p><em>James: </em>well i know that now? But the clue seems pretty clear.</p><p><em>Frank:</em> Why would i send you to a sex shop, mate???</p><p><em>James: </em>i did wonder</p><p><em>Frank:</em> ok. Which clue are you on. I took pics of the clues..just in case something like this happened.</p><p><em>James: </em>smart man. 16.</p><p><em>Frank:</em> oh. OH. Well, i could see where you might get that, but the third line wasn’t a euphemism.</p><p><em>James: </em>Oh</p><p><em>Frank:</em> ...yeah.</p><p><em>James: </em>So...the arboretum, then?</p><p><em>Frank:</em> indeed. good evening, gentlemen. Please don’t make me regret this.</p><p><em>James: </em>might be too late for that, buddy. having a blast though</p><p><em>Frank:</em> Well that’s all that matters.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAL</em>: u aren’t at work??? </p><p><em>Alice:</em> i’m in the back</p><p><em>Lily:</em> I asked the hostess...u aren’t at work today at all?? I came to vent...about everyone.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> oh...about that.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> oh dear. </p><p><em>Alice:</em> I thought you’d be busy with the study group</p><p><em>Lily:</em> …so where are you?</p><p><em>Alice:</em> the thing is</p><p><em>Lily:</em> did u lie to me about where u were??</p><p><em>Alice:</em> maybe?</p><p><em>Alice:</em> i just wanted one drama free date, lils. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> im not the source of the drama!! </p><p><em>Alice:</em> you are like, a tiny bit!!!! </p><p><em>Lily:</em> wait hold up im willing to overlook evrythng </p><p><em>Lily:</em> did you just admit it was a date????</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Lily!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> you said it!</p><p><em>Alice:</em> Oh, fine. yes. I like Frank.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> we all LIKE frank</p><p><em>Alice:</em> well I… LIKE-like frank</p><p><em>Lily:</em> oh alice, u beautiful innocent tiddlestout butterfly </p><p><em>Alice:</em> i mean how couldn’t I? He’s sweet, funny,</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fit </p><p><em>Alice:</em> intelligent, caring,</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fuckin loaded, like, properly flush                 </p><p><em>Alice:</em> :/</p><p><em>Lily:</em> im just kidding. he has a concerning taste in friends but other than that, i approve. U have liked much stupider people. Enjoy the rest of your date.</p><p><em>Alice:</em> *love heart emoji* </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to Moony:</em> good news or bad??</p><p><em>Remus:</em> this game sucks, guys</p><p><em>Peter:</em> we solved the scavenger hunt! prize was ‘a greater appreciation of our beautiful town’</p><p><em>Peter:</em> so I guess that’s kind of bad news too, actually.</p><p><em>Remus:</em> and the actual bad news?</p><p><em>Peter:</em> james just nearly murdered a cat lol.</p><p><em>Remus:</em> yeah i saw that on padfoot’s snapchat. wtf</p><p><em>James: </em>tbf it was a bastard of a cat, and thats coming from Me</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>all cats are bastards</p><p><em>James: </em>thats ur one flaw, black. sleep in your own room tonight!</p><p><em>James: </em>i didn’t mean to boot it, and black didn’t have to post it for the world to see</p><p><em>Sirius</em>: i sort of did actually</p><p><em>James: </em>its a little maniac. it went for my ankles</p><p><em>James: </em>u kno i’d never boot a cat on purpose</p><p><em>Remus:</em> is it ok???</p><p><em>James: </em>its fine. it was a gentle boot. Sirius didnt post me looking around for him for twenty minutes. he ran away and didnt trust me enough to come back though</p><p><em>Remus:</em> shocking</p><p><em>Remus:</em> you’re all terrible friends. do you have any idea what today did to my stress????</p><p><em>James: </em>gotta keep you on ur toes moony</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is by far one of my favorite chapters, but is it any surprise given all the shenanigans? I love a proper scavenger hunt! What do you think of Bertram as Mr Collins?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 4. Spice Up Your Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>@<em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: what kind of lowlife scumbag kicks an adorable little kitty unprovoked </p><p>@<em>lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted</em>: just when u think somebody can’t sink any lower…</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to tweetypetey</em>: no judgment ok</p><p><em>Peter:</em> no promises!</p><p><em>James: </em>I was...perusing...evans’ fb pics and found that she and snivellus did debate together. Looked awful chummy??? NOT that i Care</p><p><em>Peter:</em> he’s here???</p><p><em>James: </em>yes. And THEN of course I sussed him out. he’s that cat’s owner!</p><p><em>Peter:</em> is there a reason you’re telling me this instead of the whole group?</p><p><em>James: </em>maybe<br/><br/></p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans posted to</em> <em>Instagram</em>: mr wickham, the little stray outside our building, is a class-A cutie.</p><p><em>James Potter commented</em>: really? You’re friends with THAT slimy bastard??????</p><p><em>Lily Evans commented</em>: piss OFF potter cant believe i let u follow me</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to kittymama</em>: hey lils. kindly fucking stop throwing ur phone at the wall</p><p><em>Lily:</em> it SLIPPED</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> third time in an hour?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> v slippery hands tonight</p><p><em>Lily:</em> not as slippery as potter though!!</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> ur watching that video again???</p><p><em>Lily:</em> HE NEARLY MURDERED MR WICKHAM</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> really regret saving that for u now</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>i kno we’ve hashed this out...but is there any chance it was, u know, an accident</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>or that, u know, its not even mr wickham?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> IVE WATCHED IT A /THOUSAND TIMES. OF COURSE ITS MR WICKHAM LOOK @ THE BOWTIE</p><p><em>Lily: </em>PLUS POTTER JUST CALLED HIM A SLIMY BASTARD</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>can we maybe not do this at 3am when lydia has a photo shoot in 5 hrs?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ok then.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> goodnight</p><p><em>Lily:</em> it wasn’t an accident though.</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> GOODNIGHT</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to the netherfellas</em>: what kind of pompous arse calls their cat ‘Mr Wickham’</p><p><em>James: </em>anyway i guess that’s why Lily’s all upset over that cat? they must still be friends</p><p><em>James: </em>What she sees in him i’ve no idea… maybe she doesn’t know what an arse he is?</p><p><em>Remus:</em> … not to ruin your clearly well-planned narrative….but do you have any idea how common black cats are?</p><p><em>James: </em>it’s the SAME cat. look at that bowtie! </p><p><em>James: </em>i s2g he set me up to make me Look a fool in front of Evans</p><p><em>James: </em>do you think she will ever forgive me for accidentally kicking that cat?</p><p><em>Peter:</em> could it really be call ‘forgiving’ if she hated ur guts in the first place</p><p><em>James: </em>ouch </p><p><em>Frank:</em> Maybe you should text her, explain yourself. </p><p><em>James: </em>no. i’ll only make it worse. everything i say aroundher is stupid and wrong and makes her hate me more</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> tru :/</p><p><em>Remus:</em> sirius!</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> it literally is tho</p><p><em>Remus:</em> that doesn’t mean u have to say it </p><p><em>James: </em>can’t believe frank is my only friend</p><p><em>James: </em>wait, friendship crisis on hold</p><p><em>James: </em>she LIKED my picture from 2016???</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to mother of my child</em>: NOT GOOD NIGHT</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> what now</p><p><em>Lily:</em> what if, in theory, i accidentally liked a photo of my Mortal Enemy</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> James Potter?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Howd u guess</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> im a seer. What year?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> 2016</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> fuck</p><p><em>Lily</em>: and it was on facebook</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>double fuck</p><p><em>Lily:</em> I unliked it right away!!!</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> no take backs, u know that</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to the netherfellas</em>: she unliked in 0.2 seconds later but thats not the POINT no take backs </p><p><em>Sirius</em>: not sure which is worse, looking @ fb or having fb push notifications on?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>Mary MacDonald to </em><em>boo u whore: </em>whats lily shrieking abt??</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>she liked a one of potters’ pictures from 2015 or smth</p><p><em>Mary: </em>RIP</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>are you on pinterest looking at organizational stuff again????</p><p><em>Mary: </em>NO</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>embarrassed for u</p><p><em>Mary: </em>save it for lily she needs all u can spare</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>Remus Lupin to the netherfellas:</em> whatever you do prongs....dont message her about it</p><p><em>James: </em>i wont</p><p><em>Sirius</em>: Prongs</p><p>James: i wont!!!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to e</em><em>♡</em><em>ans (</em><em>ง</em><em>'̀-'́)</em><em>ง</em><em>:</em> sooooo</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to mother of my child</em>: omg he messaged me??????</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> dont respond</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i wont??</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to Potter</em>: what do u want</p><p><em>James: </em>ill gloss over that picture thing? </p><p><em>Lily:</em> lydia did it</p><p><em>James: </em>listen evans, i hate to be That Guy bc i trust your judgment, despite Everything</p><p><em>Lily:</em> this shld be good</p><p><em>James: </em>but he’s a fiend, lily. You don’t know what he’s like i Swear</p><p><em>James: </em>honest!!!!!!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> he’s an INNOCENT little angel</p><p><em>James: </em>he’s a slimy greaseball!! </p><p><em>Lily: </em>Wrong</p><p><em>James: </em>Toss him now before it’s too late</p><p><em>Lily:</em> are you threatening him??? after the history you two have???</p><p><em>James: </em>no you’ve the wrong idea about all of that! I mean, fuck.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> do you deny it happened?</p><p><em>James: </em>i guess not?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> accident, my arse!</p><p><em>James: </em>but context, evans. let me explain!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> what is it with men??? BLOCKED</p><p><em>James: </em>you’ve been taken in!!</p><p><em>James: </em>hellooooo?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to fleabag: </em>she isnt responding to my texts. tried to warn her abt snape.</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> she def blocked ur number. just tweeted abt it </p><p><em>James: </em>she actually blocked me?</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> well she did say BLOCKED</p><p><em>James: </em>...how do u know??</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> also snapped screenshots</p><p><em>James: </em>wtf</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> sUx To bE u </p><p><em>Sirius:</em> want me to post a really sexi pic of u on my story so she’ll see it nd be mad?</p><p><em>James: </em>yes pls. I’d heart emoji u but i don’t have the energy.</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> its ok. now, kit off</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to kittymama</em>: look @ blacks latest snap</p><p><em>Lily:</em> goddamn it</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> that was for u</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: why does god give good abs to bad people</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>2 days of this, lils. time to move on</p><p><em>Dorcas</em>: also time for me to delete snapchat from your phone again</p><p><em>Lily:</em> yes. Save me from myself</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>come to the bus stop. trading up for info abt ppls auras</p><p><em>Lily:</em> hey! Dont ruin auras for me</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>come before u contact Potter again</p><p><em>Lily:</em> depends. what are u up to?</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>started with a crisp bag, up to a bicycle. it only has one wheel, but still</p><p><em>Lily:</em> omw</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter posted to Lily Evans’s Facebook</em>: I need you to know I love cats and would never kick one on purpose not even Mr Wickham also will you and your mates come to a Christmas party at Frank’s its on the 18th its fancy dress</p><p><em>Lily Evans commented</em>: did u just write on my wall you absolute freak this isn’t 2008 i’ll block you on here too</p><p><em>Marlene Mckinnon commented</em>: she doesn’t mean that, and we’re coming to the party.</p><p><em>Marlene Mckinnon commented</em>: … well she probably DOES mean it but we’re coming anyway</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Alice Hopkins to no evanses, precious: </em>i still don’t like this girls</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>its not to be mean alice. its for…</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: mary explain it 4 alice</p><p><em>Mary</em>: practicality?</p><p><em>Mary</em>: plus we already have a chat w/out petunia? that doesnt bother you</p><p><em>Alice</em>: well it does, sometimes. and this is lily we’re talking about!</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: alice do u really want to keep hearing about potter every time we add to the grocery list, or?</p><p><em>Alice</em>: well when you put it like that</p><p><em>Mary</em>: good girl</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</em> i haven’t seen u in five (5) days</p><p><em>Alice:</em> why have every single one of my professors conspired against me?? </p><p><em>LIly:</em> library again?</p><p><em>Alice:</em> yes. and Why did i change my course of study three times???</p><p><em>Lily:</em> bc u want to save the world and u just cant decide how</p><p><em>Alice:</em> i’ll reiterate one more time (because I know you). James can’t be the villain you’re making him out to be! Frank wouldn’t be friends with someone so intentionally cruel—to cats, or otherwise</p><p><em>Lily:</em> you’re too good for this world, alice</p><p><em>Lily:</em> also wrong but i still love u</p><p><em>Alice:</em> I don’t think I am!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> you’ve seen the texts!!</p><p><em>Alice:</em> dozens of times, yes, lily, but there must be a misunderstanding</p><p><em>Alice:</em> i can talk to Frank about the whole mess?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> no! if I’m wrong, let potter contradict it himself</p><p><em>Alice</em>: i think he’s tried that?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ANYWAY. is there anything i can do to help you survive the next two weeks??</p><p><em>Alice:</em> write these papers???</p><p><em>Lily:</em> im in my own Group Project hell or i would</p><p><em>Alice:</em> is bertram still being himself then?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> indeed. at least his beady eyes are on dorcas &amp; not me</p><p><em>Alice:</em> well could you put the heating pad on my sheets to warm them up for when i get home??</p><p><em>Lily:</em> already done. come home soon xo</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to Flat Partyline</em>: hey girls guess what?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Oh just tell them mar</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> its time again</p><p><em>Mary:</em> time?? for what??</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> TO SPICE UP YOUR LIFE </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> DECEMBER 18TH AT NETHERFIELD</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> AND I CALL DIBS ON SCARY SPICE MARY BEFORE U TRY ANYTHING U LITTLE SHIT</p><p><em>Mary:</em> YOU SNAKE YOU WERE SCARY LAST YEAR I’M NOT BEING SPORTY /AGAIN </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> IF YOU WANT 2 FIGHT ABOUT IT COME GET ME IM IN THE BATHROOM BUT I WONT HESITATE I S2G</p><p><em>Mary:</em> IM GOING 2 MURDER U IN UR SLEEP </p><p><em>Alice:</em> Can’t you just both be Scary? </p><p><em>Marlene:</em> don’t be absurd alice, we can’t have two Scarys and no Sporty</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Really, Marlene, Spice Girls Again? And Girls, aren’t we a little old for fancy dress? What will Frank think? He was nice enough to hand-deliver the invitation to Alice. I’ll scour for some age-appropriate group costumes (on the cheap, of course.).</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> u look hot in the posh dress, Petunia</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> It’s rather revealing and tight fitting for my taste. (Especially since I’m a soon to be a married woman!)</p><p><em>Lily:</em> once again. how are you SO in love that you had to bump your wedding by five months??</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Lily, we’ve been through this! After our time together last week, we decided we don’t want to be apart any longer. A New Year’s wedding is just as romantic. We were able to work with most of our vendors to push the date up.</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>(Although I am sorry you girls won’t be able to attend. Smaller venue and all that.)</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>(And Girls, don’t worry. Things will not descend into chaos in my absence next year. Although I will no longer be here to do your chore charts, I have faith in Mary.)</p><p><em>Mary:</em> *thumbs up emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject: </em>insufferable suck up</p><p><em>Mary:</em> shes batshit abt most things but my life is finally coming together</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: god</p><p><em>Mary:</em> *middle finger emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to </em><em>Flat Party Line:</em> We’re going to continue paying my portion of the rent. We just want to be together.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> god, i can’t even say that it’s revolting, pet. we can switch the mini dress for tight trousers and a strapless top if you want</p><p><em>Lily:</em> you gotta wear a push up bra tho </p><p><em>Mary:</em> come on Tuney! For old times sake! It’ll be like a hen party!</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Oh, fine, but no drinking.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> And no skin tight top! I’ll look ridiculous. And no photos! </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia </em><em>Evans to Evans, Lily:</em> (And Lily, if you’d pay attention to those profiles, you could have happiness as great as mine!)</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to Marauders</em>: Hurray! It took four days, five amazon orders, and an emergency parcel from mum, but I’ve finally got the spice girls costumes ready…..</p><p><em>Peter:</em> about that…</p><p><em>James: </em>about What</p><p><em>Peter:</em> remus?</p><p><em>Remus:</em> you were doing good mate</p><p><em>Peter:</em> ok james, we’re not doing spice girls don’t be mad</p><p><em>James: </em>Wormy, mate. Given what happened Last Time, I get the trauma. It’s fine if YOU want to skip this one, but the rest of us are Spicin’it up. Obvs.</p><p><em>Remus:</em> yeah, no</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> sorry mate. not happening. u got that text</p><p><em>James: </em>I fucking did NOT</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> weird</p><p><em>Remus:</em> yeah, we decided to do ‘favorite group costume in history’</p><p><em>James: </em>that’s not a THEME</p><p><em>Peter:</em> it totally is. we voted. you were there.</p><p><em>James: </em>scrolling</p><p><em>James: </em>still scrolling</p><p><em>James: </em>STILL scrolling</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> glitch? idk ill send u the screenshots</p><p><em>Peter: </em>potter cover your ears</p><p><em>James: </em>done</p><p><em>Peter:</em> mates that was the ther oay at chay </p><p><em>James: </em>did u just say ‘other chat’ in pig latin???</p><p><em>James: </em>i TAUGHT u pig latin</p><p><em>Peter:</em> damn!</p><p><em>James: </em>Wait. HOLD THE PHONE</p><p><em>James: </em>you lot have another chat????</p><p><em>James: </em>Without me???</p><p><em>James: </em>AGAIN???</p><p><em>Remus:</em> just for like, votes and stuff. Minor things.</p><p><em>Peter:</em> and to whine about ur griping about evans</p><p><em>James: </em>wow</p><p><em>Remus:</em> too far, wormy</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Sirius Black to jam pisspot</em>: we have chats that exclude everyone. not to mention our facetime commentary mocking the group chat?</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> chill, babe</p><p><em>James: </em>i thought that was OUR thing tho</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> it is, except for this one thing</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> lbr, the evans thing was just a Bit much. ya feel?</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> nd like, i didnt Want the chat. obvs</p><p><em>Sirius: </em>but ur hysterics pushed me over the Edge</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> blame lupin hes the one who named it No James Allowed Treehouse</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to deerheart</em>: it was all sirius’s idea, whatever he tells u</p><p><em>James: </em>i kno mate, it’s all good</p><p><em>Remus:</em> we do have that chat w/out pete. AND that chat w/out sirius.</p><p><em>Remus:</em> WAIT. do you guys have one w/out me??</p><p><em>James: </em>We’d never</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to Prongs</em>: listen, it was all my idea. don’t blame the others...</p><p><em>James: </em>thanks, pete. Ur the only real friend i have now.</p><p><em>Peter:</em> I’m still not going to be ginger spice!</p><p><em>James: </em>GDI ok</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to betrayal mates</em>: ok, so what ARE your subpar costumes????</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> Tish</p><p><em>James: </em>fair. that dress does wonders for ur figure</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> damn str8</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> wont be the same without my Gomez though</p><p><em>James: </em>maybe you should have thought about that before u stabbed me in the back </p><p><em>Remus:</em> i’ll be big Baddie werewolf</p><p><em>James: </em>*cough**furry**cough*</p><p><em>Remus:</em> it’s Classic creature fic, potter</p><p><em>James: </em>missed your calling as a cinema critic mate. pete? what’s the flavour of your betrayal?</p><p><em>Peter:</em> well I WANTEd to be a spice girl, but no one else want to</p><p><em>James: </em>im not mad u dont have to suck up anymore</p><p><em>Peter:</em> ok then, im ringo</p><p><em>James: </em>u could have been any of them</p><p><em>Peter:</em> I LIKE ringo!!!!</p><p><em>Peter:</em> also I have the jacket so I don’t have to buy anything lol</p><p><em>James: </em>fine, but ur grave, mate</p><p><em>James: </em>frank, what are u??</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> ironically this is the chat w/out frank</p><p><em>James: </em>fuck</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to loony tuney: </em>Hey Pet, can we chat </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I’m halfway through a pedicure, so you have until my feet are finished soaking. </p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Also, you ought to soak your troll feet before the party.</p><p><em>Lily:</em>  Oh I will no worries. Also, I… Listen, I know I can be a little stubborn about things at times. Especially about relationships. But even if I go a little crazy at you for trying to set me up, I know you’ve my best interest at heart really.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Well, I appreciate you saying that.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Yeah, so… I thought you’d want to be the first to know I’ve met someone! Had to find a date for your wedding anyway, didn’t i?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Oh, Lily! You looked at the profiles, then? Do tell me all about him. Is he charming? What does he look like? Does he have a job?</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>Of course he does! (I thoroughly vetted them.)</p><p><em>Lily:</em> SO charming, Pet! And handsome! Such neat shiny black hair, I adore him. I really think he’s filling a void I’ve had in my life for a long time.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> That’s utterly delightful! If you keep up like this maybe I shan’t be the only one hearing wedding bells! What’s his surname, will I know his mother?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> It’s Wickham! We’re going to the party together.</p><p><em>Lily: </em>And if that goes well, the wedding!</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Hm, I’ll have to check the address book. But nevermind that. Let me see a picture of him!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> *picture of Mr Wickham snuggled in bed with Lily*</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Lily! Marie! Evans!</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> The Second my feet are finished soaking, I’m going to M-U-R-D-E-R you!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> and what does M-U-R-D-E-R. stand for?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> A slow and agonizing death! For you! And I S-T-G (swear to God), the next time you forget to water you plant, I’ll let it die as well!</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>Get! That! Fiend! Out! Of! Our! House!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Bertram Aubrey to Modern Literature Study Group: </em>Ladies, congratulations on a job well done! ;) I believe we exceeded our professor’s expectations! I’ve enjoyed working with you both. Indeed, it’s the sadness of my term that we’ll no longer find ourselves in each other’s company. Especially you, Miss Meadowes. It has been truly lovely experience; I am devastated our paths will likely not cross again.</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>thanks?</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Unless. I believe I have family from your area, Miss Meadowes. Chedwicke, yes?</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>oh. OH. hey I’m gay, Aubrey </p><p><em>Bertram:</em> As in happy? As am I, Miss Meadowes, as am I at the idea we may be connected in the future.</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>about that! gay as in, i have gay lesbian sex. with women!</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Oh! Well. It’s been a pleasure despite. </p><p><em>Bertram:</em> As for you, Miss Evans, I’m sure we’ll keep in touch.</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Goodbye, then.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: was in tutorial, I canNOT believe</p><p><em>Lily:</em> my hero</p><p><em>Lily:</em> OMG hold on my sister is texting me</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily:</em> Lily. I have just received a message from Mr Bertram. I gave him formal permission to text you.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> no</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I Desire. Nay, I Insist that you hear him out. Especially after aggravating my Nerves with your ridiculous shenanigan the other day.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> NO</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I will call the landlord on Lydia, Lily, I swear it.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> fine</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: OH MY GOD</p><p><em>Lily: </em>oh no, he’s texting me???</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>well he didn’t waste any time did he?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Bertram Aubrey to Miss Lily Aubrey </em><em>;)</em>: Hello, Miss Evans.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> did u need something else for the presentation, or?</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> I have just obtained your sister’s hearty (and enthusiastic!) permission for this address. She also gave me permission to address you by Miss Lily.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> I heard.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Bertram, is there ANYTHING on this earth I can say now to make you stop?</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> I don’t think so, no.</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Forgive me, Miss Lily, but I have to say your reluctance only adds to your appeal.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> you really didn’t have to say that actually</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> You can hardly doubt the purpose of my text, Miss Lily.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> unfortunately you’re right? well get on with it then.</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Subtlety has never been my strong suit, and you caught my eye almost as soon as we started this little project together. But! Before I ask the Question, I think we should go over the reasons for doing this in the first place.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> …</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: CAN U BELIEVE THIS SHIT</p><p>            <em>Bertram:</em> And allow me to state, dear Miss Lily, that the special attention of my Aunt</p><p>            is one of the advantages of courting me. You will find her beyond anything I can</p><p>            describe. She will love your humour and charm, as do I.</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>why is he talking to you about his aunt?</p><p><em>Lily:</em>  he’s finally done but I wish he’d keep talking about his aunt?</p><p><em>            Bertram:</em> And now I assure you, Miss Lily, my affection is unwavering.</p><p><em>            Bertram:</em> I therefore wish to accompany you to the Longbottom Christmas</p><p>            Extravaganza. Your sister kindly forfeited her place!</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>!</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>also I expect full screenshots when ur thru eviscerating him</p><p><em>Lily:</em> holy fuck, he’s STILL typing</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans, Petunia </em><em>Evans has invited you to collaborate with her</em> <strong>How to Keep Your Man! </strong><em>Pinterest board!</em> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to Fuckboi #1</em>: Don’t run away with those violent affections, buddy.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i mean DO run away, but please stop talking. </p><p><em>Bertram:</em> I believe it’s too late for that, Miss Lily.</p><p><em>Lily: </em>thx for the, er...compliments? and um, yeah? </p><p><em>Lily:</em> but no.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> capital N, No.</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> ;) playing hard to get I see.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> NO</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Refusing a second time! Your denials only add to the thrill of the hunt, Miss Lily. I am therefore by no means discouraged by what you have just said.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> your hope is extraordinary</p><p><em>Lily:</em> (that’s not a compliment btw)</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Look, Im NOT one of these ‘hard to get’ girls. Im perfectly serious. you couldn’t make me happy for a date or anything else and I s2g I’m last woman in the world who could make you happy </p><p><em>Lily:</em> even your Aunt would find me ill qualified</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Terrible grammar aside, Miss Evans, I cannot imagine such an instance. I shall speak in the highest terms of your modesty, thriftiness, and other lovely qualities.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> thats not necessary</p><p><em>Lily:</em> wish u a nice life, but NO</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: oh my god he’s STILL GOING ON. I’m in hell </p><p><em>Lily:</em>      <em>Bertram:</em> When I speak to you about this again,</p><p>            I hope to receive a more favorable answer. </p><p>            I’m not accusing you of cruelty, exactly. This is typical</p><p>            female practice. Perhaps even now you’ve</p><p>            said as much to encourage my pursuit.  </p><p><em>            Bertram: </em>I believe you’re leading me on for two reasons:</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>the Perils of dating men</p><p><em>Lily:</em> i’m not dating This man</p><p><em>Dorcas</em>: not if Pet has anything to say about it!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ps def need to go out &amp; drink after this k</p><p><em>Dorcas: </em>already started</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Bertram Aubrey to Miss Lily Aubrey ;)</em>: Also, your sister told me it’s been quite some time since your last courtship, despite her many efforts to find you a potential suitor.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> did she</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Yes!</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> I believe you are trying to increase my ardent love by suspense, as females often do.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> call me Female one more time</p><p><em>Lily:</em> I know u might get that impression from my twitter, but I don’t actually like to torment respectable men for fun</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Unrespectable? Sure</p><p><em>Lily:</em> the BEST compliment u could give me would be to believe me, bertram, and then to leave me alone</p><p><em>Lily:</em> my feelings forbid saying yes to a date.</p><p><em>Lily: </em>as in, the lack of any romantic feelings for you.</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> You are uniformly charming! I see the ‘fire’ your sister mentioned! Come now, Miss Lily, I will eventually win you over. ;) ;)</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Miss Lily</p><p><em>Bertram: </em>Miss Lily?</p><p><em>Lily</em>: fuck offfffff</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily: </em>Lily, what did you say to that Poor Young Man?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Lily?</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Lily Marie!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> im Busy with Al</p><p><em>Lily:</em> but how do u even know I said anything</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Dorcas has been Snap Chatting your screenshots, Lily!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> 1. how do u know what that is?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> 2. I’ve blocked him. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> 3. You have officially gone TOO FAR. Petunia Evans If you DARE to interfere with my love life again, I’ll...</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> 1. What love life?</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>2. You’ll what, Lily? You have nothing over me. I can kick you out of the flat. Out of the wedding. And at this moment in time, I’m almost inclined to do Both.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> 3. You will accompany that boy to the party, Lily Marie Evans, or so help me.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> I’ll tell Vernon about the bunyon, Petunia.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> You wouldn’t!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> No more interference....</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> I don’t even know what you’re talking about actually.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> You JUST admitted it.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Well. How do you even know about that?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> I snooped.</p><p><em>Petunia</em>: !</p><p>Lily: yes, I said it. I snooped on you, Petunia Elizabeth Evans, and I’m NOT sorry.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> H-D-U</p><p><em>Lily:</em> ????????</p><p><em>Petunia: </em>How! Dare! You!</p><p><em>Lily:</em> BY</p><p><em>Lily:</em> BUN-YON</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Never again, Pet. Promise.</p><p><em>Petunia:</em> Fine.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> oh and BTW (by-the-way) its a house party you didn’t have to forfeit your place jfc</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</em> we’re going out for drinks</p><p><em>Alice:</em> to celebrate end of term?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> sure</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to fuckboi #2</em>: Don’t read Too Much into this, Potter, but you are surprisingly Not the worst thing, male-specimen wise, that’s been inflicted upon me this term.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> I mean I’m blocking u again but I just thought u should know.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to Marauders</em>: but what do u think she means by this</p><p><em>Peter:</em> she told u not to read too much into it mate...four hours ago</p><p><em>James: </em>who is fuckboi #1?</p><p><em>James: </em>do you think it’s snape? Did they fight?</p><p><em>James: </em>clearly I need to kick someone’s arse</p><p><em>James: </em>i hope its snape</p><p><em>James: </em>and I’m NOT a fuckboi</p><p><em>Remus:</em> by definition, you are. don’t you follow dorcas on snapchat?</p><p><em>James: </em>Black won’t reinstall it. Like I NEED parental controls?? Who pays your phone bill sirius??</p><p><em>James: </em>and what does she mean by ‘specimen’ </p><p><em>James: </em>DO YOU THINK THAT MEANS SHE’S OBJECTIFYING ME? Because thats good, right?</p><p><em>James: </em>sirius, stop pretending to ignore this and lets do another sexy Snap for evans</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to auntie</em>: men are shit. All of them.</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Potter again?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> not this week.</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Oh, then the Aubrey fellow?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> how do you—?</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> I follow your friend on Snapchat.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> oh no</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> I’m only teasing. Your sister filled me in.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> that’s Hardly better</p><p><em>Lily:</em> she threatened to kick me out if I don’t, and i quote, ‘accompany’ him to the party</p><p><em>Lily:</em> like it’s 1843??? Between that, and her wedding mania, she’s Insufferable. Not my fault she bumped her wedding up? AND she threatened to kick me out of it! Which, at least i could wear a decent gown?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> still</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Is that everything?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> oh! And she’s still forcing us to diet even though the girls arent even going to the wedding now??? I’m SO tired of her threats</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Lily, dear, angry people are not always wise, and your sister is under a considerable amount of stress. But after everything that young man said to you, I would perhaps think less of you for saying yes to him.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> are you going to make me say nice things abt petunia :(</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Not today. You did the right thing telling the Aubrey boy how you felt. If he can’t accept that then it’s his problem, not yours. What is it I’ve always told you girls?</p><p><em>Lily</em>: no is a complete sentence</p><p><em>Minerva</em>: Precisely.</p><p>Lily: why cant the idiots in my life get that memo?</p><p><em>Minerva</em>: Try to forget about young Aubrey, dear. As for your sister, she was out of line, but again she’s under a great deal of stress right now.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> self-imposed!</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> A little grace, dear. Nevertheless, I shall talk to her about the Aubrey boy.</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Also I’ve sent you an early Christmas gift. Buy something nice for the party. </p><p><em>Lily:</em> not going, on principle</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Yes you are, dear. Who else will be ginger spice?</p><p><em>Lily:</em> not compelling enough</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Not going would give your sister, the pompous prick, and the Potter boy the satisfaction of knowing they’ve beaten you down.</p><p><em>Lily:</em> well now I Have to</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Enjoy, dear. I’ll see you at the wedding.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 5. Fireworks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em> Remus Lupin to the netherfellas </em>: my trains getting in at 6, can i expect a welcome party?</p><p><em> James: </em>i’m uh helping pads out with his tish costume. Spanx are a bitch</p><p><em> Frank: </em> Im a bit busy with the decorations at the mo, Remus. Awfully sorry. I can send a car?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> helping the caterers sorry! </p><p><em> Remus: </em> oh no. im so sad and disappointed <br/><br/></p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Petunia Evans to Flat Party Line </em>: Ready, Girls?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Tuney are you dressed as Posh Spice or a nun I can’t tell</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> This is as far as I’m willing to go. </p><p><em> Alice: </em> Can somebody come tell me if my pigtails are even</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> Scary, reporting for duty</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> mary do u need a scrunchie</p><p><em> Mary: </em> im good actually  </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Marauders </em>: THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE</p><p><em> James: </em>AS IF WE WOULDN’T MEET YOU AT THE STATION MOONY. WE HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN FOUR HUNDRED MILLION YEARS</p><p><em> Remus: </em> ahhhh. you got me. again. didn’t see it coming.</p><p><em> Remus: </em> although i heard james &amp; sirius before i saw any of you??</p><p><em> Peter: </em> they have a proper ft addiction</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> the only addiction is my face, and thats hardly james’s fault?</p><p><em> James: </em>we were hiding in different places? what else would you expect us to do</p><p><em> James: </em>what if some kind of situation had arisen?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> you should probably have learned by now, moony. we’ve played that prank on you like twelve times!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to lyddy's babes </em>: MARY MACDONALD U ABSOLUTE CRETIN</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> OUR COSTUME MAKES ZERO SENSE WITHOUT SPORTY NOW I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> IF I HADN’T JUST PAINTED MY NAILS YOU’D BE GETTING A CLOUT</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> U ARENT EVEN THAT FUCKING CUTE...LIKE U CLD EVER BE CHER HOROWITZ?? WITH THAT HAIR? LMAO</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject </em>: permission 2 poison marys drink tonight</p><p><em> Lily: </em> permission denied!?????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> mar???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> DENIED</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to the netherfellas </em>: FRANKIE. Its looking GREAT out there. You went All out</p><p><em> James: </em>and before you ask the fire breathers DEFINITELY aren’t too much</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> Yeah, bang-up job mate </p><p><em> Frank: </em> Thanks, lads. </p><p><em> Frank: </em> I have 999 on speed dial so please stay away from the pyrotechnics so I needn’t use it. </p><p><em> Peter: </em> u have ‘999’ on speed dial?</p><p><em> Frank: </em> Well, Peter, having one’s house catch fire puts one on edge.</p><p><em> James: </em>Frankie. mate. You have nothing to worry about!</p><p><em> James: </em>And the butterfly man costume is looking. Particularly dashing tonight. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes </em>: fuck this rain</p><p><em> Lily: </em> all in for an uber? or else i’m going to ruin my boots</p><p><em> Lily: </em> geri halliwell did NOT have trekking through a muddy field in mind when she planned this outfit</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> oh petunia hired a fancy-ass car, didn’t she tell you???</p><p><em> Mary: </em> she did? thats… decent of her.</p><p><em> Alice: </em> See, Petunia has her moments.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> hmmm</p><p><em> Alice: </em> ???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i don’t trust her. whats her motive??</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sabatha47201 posted to LyddyKitty’s Instagram post: </em>cant believe u put a cat in a spice girls costume and posted it to the internet??? lmao</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Marauders </em>: are we SURE we’re not telling him butterfly man isn’t like, a REAL superhero?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> nd break his spirit? this close to the party?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> i'm sure Alice will like it mate!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> how could she not</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass </em>: are u coming tonight???</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i am </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>and listen! ILY but I’m on a date</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>not that You’d cause drama. but Pet???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I get it. Shes a nightmare</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>exactly</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Fill me in later???? GET SOME</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>mwah</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to tish </em>: did u use parental controls to delete my social media again????</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> evans’ll be here. nd u’ll be drinking if i have anything to say abt it</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> and ilysm babe but im NOT dealing w/ that fallout tomorrow</p><p><em> James: </em>idk what ur talking about</p><p><em> James: </em>and blocking facetime is only hurting yourself</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> u cant get into trouble if ur in my sightline @ all times</p><p><em> James: </em>i’ll call Mum</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> lmao ok</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> ps i hid the burner phone, so dont bother tearing the bunkroom apart </p><p><em> James: </em>Wow</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> don’t Wow me its for ur own good potter</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> love what those trousers do for ur arse btw. n that crop top</p><p><em> James: </em>dont suck up NOW</p><p><em> James: </em>frank is dragging us downstairs</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> but tahts so UNfashionably early</p><p><em> James: </em>hes threatening no alcohol if we dont comply</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> fucking fine. be right there </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass </em>: listen. I know you’re on a date but veggie boy is here!!!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>you’re joking</p><p><em> Lily: </em> NO. he party crashed??? Or Petunia technically invited him??? unclear</p><p><em> Lily: </em> what am i going to DO</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>I’ve something that will take your mind off Aubrey</p><p><em> Lily: </em> oh?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>3 o’clock. sporty spice</p><p><em> Lily: </em> OH MY GOD</p><p><em> Lily: </em> oh my GOD we have a sporty spice for our pics!!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> wait</p><p><em> Lily: </em> WAIT</p><p><em> Lily: </em> is that???</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>the one and only</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>TURNING MY PHONE OFF NOW. LOVE U</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>good luck</p><p><em> Lily: </em>Dorcas?????</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Remus Lupin to the netherfellas </em>: James, don’t read too much into this mate,</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> seems to be a recurring theme lately</p><p><em> Remus: </em> but if im right in thinking I just spotted Evans and co, you might want to check out their outfits </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to fuckboi #2</em>: did u plan this</p><p><em> James: </em>i did not. also, hi!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i feel as though you planned this</p><p><em> James: </em>must be fate ;)</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p><br/><em> Alice Hopkins to Flat Party Line </em>: Spice Girls assemble! Frank’s cousin wants a photo with us all</p><p><em> Alice: </em> ...including james</p><p><em> Lily: </em> oh GOD.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I need a drink first</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Oh, can we do it by the ice sculpture in the fountain?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> that’s lovely</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it is freezing outside. No.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> where is the ALcohol, al</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Please behave like an adult tonight, Lily. No little embarrassments, alright?</p><p><em> Petunia </em>: Same goes for all of you, Girls. Best behavior! </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>come to the bar we have shots</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ANGEL</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to Flat Party Line </em>: well that was terrible</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> He’s so unreasonably tall. That hair! Horrid boy.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> agreed</p><p><em> Mary: </em> you didn’t have to stand RIGHT next to him lil</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> or wrap ur arm around his waist???</p><p><em> Alice: </em> or lean your head on his shoulder like that</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i hate u all</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it was for the PICTURE i was trying 2 be authentic </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> did i miss the part in the nineties where ginger spice and sporty spice were in each others pants or </p><p>
  <em> Lily Evans has left the conversation. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p><br/><em> Mary MacDonald to Scary Impostor </em>: celine dion or is that too obnoxious this early in the evening?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> don’t speak to me traitor</p><p><em> Mary: </em> hm you’re right</p><p><em> Mary: </em> britney it is</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to the netherfellas </em>: babe where are u</p><p><em> James: </em>in the kitchen. lily evans is being mean to me. </p><p><em> Peter: </em> u sure that’s whats happening mate? was just in the kitchen and it looked a LOT like she was flirting with u? i'm no expert but…</p><p><em> James: </em>she asked me if i’d ever thought about suing my barber?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> yeah but im pretty sure that was just an excuse to touch ur hair lol...</p><p><em> Remus: </em> stop texting us and flirt back for christs sake</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Mary Macdonald to lyddy’s babes </em>: Lily did I just see you FLIRTING with potter?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> No??? im being mean to him in the kitchen</p><p><em> Mary: </em> lil even i know putting your hands in his hair is flirting…</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yeah, only to INSULT it…</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> u may be fooling urself Lily Evans but ur not fooling me</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you’re such a traitor, mary!! it’s the crop top...his abs are on full display! obscene i had to call him out</p><p><em> Alice: </em> At least she sent it to the chat without Petunia….</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> now get back to ur weird hate-flirting we’re all very proud of u</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to kittymama </em>: hey i take it back pull urself away from potter we need BACKUP</p><p><em> Lily: </em> whats happening?????</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> petty @ the buffet table bragging abt frank &amp; alice…...LOUDLY </p><p><em> Lily: </em> COMING </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to loony tuney: </em>I can’t believe you, Tuney! Boasting about alice’s rich boyfriend in front of.. Oh i dont know.. All of alice’s rich boyfriend’s FRIENDS? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> You’re making her sound like some kind of gold digger </p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Oh don’t talk nonsense, I was being perfectly quiet. </p><p><em> Petunia: </em>(And marrying rich doesn’t make you a gold digger. It makes you strategic and practical. Look at Vernon and I!)</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Not the point!!! And insulting Potter to everybody that’ll listen? Its embarrassing! </p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Why is it that you’re defending James Potter all of a sudden?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m Not! But at least have the decency to insult him quietly like the rest of us!</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Oh, just like your ridiculous ‘Twitter’ spats?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> thats totally different. and i don’t throw alice under the bus!</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Unbelievable. (Oh, and do have a word with Marlene about her obscene dancing. She’s making a mockery of us all.)</p><p><em> Lily: </em> doing a bang up job of that on your own, tuney</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Marauders </em>: what does it mean when girl tells you you have serial killer eyes but she’s looking at you in a way that makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> this is why we have a group chat without u potter</p><p><em> James: </em>and then she checked her phone and said ‘see you later’ and ran off? </p><p><em> James: </em>like what does that mean?</p><p><em> James: </em>See you later as in she’ll ACTUALLY see me later or do you think she just says that to everyone, like ‘see ya later’</p><p><em> Remus: </em> please tell me you’re quoting angus thongs and perfect snogging on purpose and you haven’t actually turned into a 13 yr old girl</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to the one without prongs: </em> can i block him</p><p><em> Remus: </em> no</p><p><em> Peter: </em> maybe?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Marauders </em>: and she said i wasn’t, and i quote, the Worst sporty spice she’s ever seen. that’s good right?</p><p><em> James: </em>in her own way?</p><p><em> James: </em>are you guys on the other chat?????</p><p><em> Peter: </em> no!</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> def not</p><p><em> Remus: </em> never</p><p><em> James: </em>Right.</p><p><em> James: </em>wait. who’s that potato-looking arsewipe chatting up evans?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to the one without prx_xngs </em>: can i kill him</p><p><em> Remus: </em> maybe</p><p><em> Peter: </em> I object!</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> too late, petey. make sure hes positioned by the fountain at midnight</p><p><em> Peter: </em> I will not!!!</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> want me to start a group chat w/out u?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> actually I'll make sure he is in position</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to TishTosh </em>: listen. U have to stop making people cry.</p><p><em> James: </em>ur ruining the christmassy vibe</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> ur ruining MY christmassy vibe</p><p><em> James: </em>is that the 5th one tonight????</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> only the 3rd</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> that i know of. nd i always know</p><p><em> James: </em>oh well thats not bad. Fire away. </p><p><em> James: </em>but be nice to evans. she’s falling for me, I Feel it.</p><p><em> James: </em>not that I fancy her</p><p><em> James: </em>I just can’t bear to think she could like that greasy scumbag over me</p><p><em> James: </em>tish!</p><p><em> James: </em>stop ignoring me!</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> stop talking about evans then</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass </em>: listen. I know ur phone is supposedly turned off or whatever????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> but like, Bertram just tried to corner me in the ballroom</p><p><em> Lily: </em> declared his intentions...AGAIN</p><p><em> Lily: </em> tried to ask me to dance????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and he grabbed me before I could say NO??????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it was AWFUL. Complete mortification.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i sloshed a champagne glass at his head</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it was mostly EMPTy, but the gesture was amazing i hope someone filmed it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> anyway, then i ran away</p><p><em> Lily: </em> pity my nails are too great to ruin with a punch </p><p><em> Lily: </em> btw have u seen mary or mar??? Lowkey concerned they murdered each other</p><p><em> Lily: </em> FUCk here comes Bertram again</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> U wish (@shiningstar) tweeted </em>: so glad for this Mary M reprise #soblessed</p><p><em> lillyflower (@heavensevans) replied </em>: ur spanx r visible under that dress</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to  </em> <em>frankincense</em>: I know ur having fun, but do u know who that bloke who’s trying to get lily to dance w/ him is</p><p><em> James: </em>Not that I Care</p><p><em> James: </em>that uniform doesn’t suit him at all BTW</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Petunia Evans to Flat Party Line </em>: Has anybody seen Alice and Frank?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> yes!! they’re hanging out together.</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Oh??</p><p><em> Mary: </em> he’s showing her some cocoons??</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Oh.</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> That could be rather romantic, I suppose.</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> I do wish she hadn’t worn those ridiculous pig-tails. How will he take her seriously?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> wild thought tuney but maybe he likes her for more than her hair</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Yes, well let us pray we can find somebody willing to make the same oversight for you! <em> Lily: </em> uh</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> wow she gets even bitchier when she drinks</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> …</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> wrong chat </p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Also, not drinking, remember? Someone has to keep you girls in line.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to christmas jams: </em>babe u cant see my spanx line right?</p><p><em> James: </em>not at all. Why???</p><p><em> Sirius: </em>fucking knew it</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Peter Pettigrew to the netherfellas </em>: ok mates we’re good to go i double checked the ice-sculpture, it’s all wired up...</p><p><em> Frank: </em> what?????????</p><p><em> Peter: </em> … wrong chat</p><p><em> Peter: </em> and didn’t mean ur ice-sculpture. gorgeous btw! the craftsmanship!</p><p><em> Peter: </em> was talking about some other, totally unrelated, ice-sculpture.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Remus Lupin to Marauders </em>: nice save, pete</p><p><em> Remus: </em> thx for double checking the wires tho</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to lyddy’s babes </em>: listen al. u have to slut it up a bit for frank</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Mar! he does NOT</p><p><em> Lily: </em> don’t debase yourself babe</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> does he even know u like him for real????</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> cocoon him in ur warmth</p><p><em> Lily </em>: marlene! </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> listen. i’ve been watching u2 all night n getting total Friendzone vibes</p><p><em> Lily: </em> go look for the golden toilet, mar</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> is this Official Permission™</p><p><em> Lily: </em> if it means u leave alice alone, Yes</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> bye</p><p><em> Mary: </em> is anyone going to come support me in the karaoke room?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> theres a karaoke room?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> there is NOW</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Frank Longbottom to RLupes</em>: Remus, pal, you’d tell me if James and Sirius were going to do anything... Dangerous? Wouldn’t you?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> frank. I wont ask you to trust James or Sirius</p><p><em> Remus: </em> or even Peter for that matter </p><p><em> Remus: </em> but do you really think I would approve anything that could do any serious damage? </p><p><em> Frank: </em> No I suppose not. Cheers, Remus. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass </em>: did every single one of my flatmates make an agreement to expose themselves tonight???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> props to them tho they really took this seriously</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fine performances all around</p><p><em> Lily: </em> at least frank hasn’t seemed to notice??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i don’t Hope your date is going terribly but wld love for u to respond</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fuck it im going to have a Good Time</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Remus Lupin to Marauders </em>: better not fuck this one up lads if anyone dies tonight I’m not sure frank will ever speak to me again</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to Flat Party LIMES (tequila!) </em>: photo time again bichtes</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Language, Marlene!</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> But O-M-W (on my way)!</p><p><em> Mary: </em> Technically bichtes isn’t a swear word.</p><p><em> Mary: </em> And I’m coming</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> Stop being a suck up mary </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes </em>: DID I JUST AGREE TO PLAY BILLIARDS WITH JAMES POTTER</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> very enthusiastically!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I LOVE billiards but Why</p><p><em> Mary: </em> how many shots have you had???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fuck</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it’s just bc i want to beat his arse. Humble him a bit. Doesn’t he know Cokeworth girls were raised in pubs???</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> just like, don’t be a Fool</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> give him a chance cos he was DEF flirty (n u DEF liked it)</p><p><em> Lily: </em> didnt</p><p><em> Alice: </em> and yet, you still said yes to him</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> maybe you’ll like spending time w/ him?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> dont wish such evil on me?????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> where’d he go anyway??</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> he’s waiting for u 2 come w/ drinks cos u wouldn’t accept one from him??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i could just, not show up</p><p><em> Alice: </em> that’d be Terrible, Lil. You said you would. Now GO.</p><p><em> Marlene </em>: ;)</p><p>
  <em> Lily Evans has left the group chat. </em>
</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> alice u think it’s unfair that u told frank 2 tell james she’s a sucker for billiards</p><p><em> Alice: </em> all’s fair where these two are concerned</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Frank Longbottom to JPots </em>: would you tell me if there was something Marauderish Planned for tonight???</p><p><em> Frank: </em> because i haven’t seen you for an hour, and thats a bit troubling</p><p><em> Frank: </em> James?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to Flat Party Line </em>: uhhh so</p><p><em> Lily: </em> did i just see bertram bleeding from the mouth?????</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> U MISSED IT. IT WAS INCREDIBLE. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> ???</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> he tried to introduce himself to black and idk wtf he said but… black just straight decked him in the face?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> oh my god</p><p><em> Lily: </em> im so conflicted </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to sporty fuckboi </em>: listen don’t think you’re safe from being blocked again just because we played one game of billiards but</p><p><em> Lily: </em> did ur bff just punch bertram aubrey in the face</p><p><em> Lily: </em> because dont get me wrong i think we’ve all had that urge</p><p><em> Lily: </em> but 10 seconds after meeting him??????</p><p><em> James: </em>….. I’m afraid that is something that may have happened. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> why!?</p><p><em> James: </em>Bertram made the mistake of saying it was an honour to meet a member of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black</p><p><em> Lily: </em> noble and most ancient house of??? Jesus christ i’ve had enough of rich people lately</p><p><em> James: </em>sirius is… touchy about his family</p><p><em> Lily: </em> are they anything like the show? for real?</p><p><em> James: </em>worse. but sirius IS great people.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> lol</p><p><em> James: </em>he is, actually</p><p><em> James: </em>look i know you don’t get it and I cant really explain because its not my place to but just. a lot of people in his place wouldn’t have turned out to be half the person he is. worlds best mate. hes family</p><p><em> Lily: </em> right. Well. you can thank him for the punch, I suppose</p><p><em> James: </em>always happy 2 help</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to worlds best mum </em>: mum can i ask a favour </p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> If it’s to unlock your accounts,,, I’m afraid I’ll trust your brother’s judgement on this! But if it’s anything else then ask away darling!</p><p><em> James: </em>im downgrading you to Worlds Okayest Mum</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Do what you must!</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Just remember I have your social media passwords. Shall I post something on your behalf?</p><p><em> James: </em>night, mum</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Xx</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Frank Longbottom to the netherfellas </em>: Sirius, mate. That was a fine punch, and I know that the Aubrey bloke was… less than gentlemanly. So don’t think I’m criticizing.</p><p><em> Frank: </em> But can we please make that the first AND last bout of fisticuffs for the night?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> will do my best frankie but i’m not prepared to make promises i’m not sure i can keep. anything cld happen</p><p><em> Frank: </em> That’s… close enough. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Mary MacDonald to Scary Impostor: </em> i know ur still mad at me but</p><p><em> Mary: </em> I’ve already looked in 3 bathrooms but its boring Alone</p><p><em> Mary: </em> and i just REALLY gotta know if its true, you know??? no one will believe me</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> fine. we can do it together.</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> but ur on thin fucking ice!!!!!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Petunia Dursley to Flat Party Line </em>: I daresay I may have been mistaken about Mr Bertram.</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Most presumptuous of him to make a speech at a party he was barely even invited to. </p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Indeed. I believe we should vacate the room and leave this man to his lunacy.</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Has anyone seen Lily?</p><p><br/>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to lils </em>: sorry i’ve been ignoring you but. are u seeing this</p><p><em> Lily: </em> No. I’ve run away</p><p><em> Lily: </em> whats he saying</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>‘If I were able to sing, I should have great pleasure, for I consider music an innocent and appropriate distraction.’ so glad he approves</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Oh god. </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>‘’I don’t mean to imply that we can be justified in devoting too much of our time to music, of course.”</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I would never accuse him of implying such a thing </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>he says he’s your date tonight?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’d never admit this ifs i wasn’t drunk but I think i have a newfound respect for sirius black</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i think u can probably come out now it’s over</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>Potter and Black have drowned him out with rude christmas carols</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> lillyflower (@heavensevans) tweeted: </em>from bad 2 worse… @theonlyjpotter @shiningstar nice christmas carolling</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to e </em> ♡ <em> ans ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง </em> <em> : </em> sooooo </p><p><em> James: </em>i cant tweet u back bc sirius and my mum conspired behind my back 2 delete twitter but i saw ur tweet on his phone and i have to say. deck ur balls is a classic</p><p><em> Lily: </em> thats sounds healthy </p><p><em> James: </em>oh and u may want 2 be within viewing distance of the ice-sculptures at midnight</p><p><em> James: </em>tho not… TOO close</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fuck</p><p><em> Lily </em>: hey potter...up for another round of billiards?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Frank Longbottom to the netherfellas </em>: REDRUM</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> it wasnt us</p><p><em> Frank: </em> really???????</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> listen</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> fine it was totally us but we have Reasons y it was important to take action</p><p><em> Frank: </em> this should be good?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> remus?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> fuck you, black</p><p><em> Remus: </em> frank, the fireworks were our christmas present to you</p><p><em> Peter: </em> *and early birthday.</p><p><em> Frank: </em> bursting forth from my specially commissioned ice sculpture which just exploded into a thousand pieces???</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> more than 10k pieces frankie but yeah</p><p><em> Remus: </em> surprise!</p><p><em> Frank: </em> but i LOVED that ice sculpture. it was for alice!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> and now that butterfly can live on in immortality. no one will EVER forget it</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> nd we were careful to do it Outside to minimise property damage</p><p><em> Peter: </em> it would have melted anyway lol.</p><p><em> Frank: </em> you still ruined, like, six trees???? And the azalea bushes</p><p><em> Remus: </em> we’ll pay for new ones</p><p><em> Frank: </em> you killed their souls</p><p><em> Peter: </em> well, between the fireworks and the confetti, we thought it’d be so romantic we thought maybe u’d maybe snog Alice??</p><p><em> Frank: </em> she choked on the confetti</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> well, fuck</p><p><em> Remus: </em> sorry mate</p><p><em> Peter: </em> we’ll clean it up!</p><p><em> Frank: </em> AND the food table’s ruined fellas. Ppl are leaving</p><p><em> Remus: </em> u dont want people staying TOO late frank, yeah</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> u get a bit tetchy if ur up past two frankie</p><p><em> Frank: </em> that’s actually...a good point</p><p><em> Frank: </em> still angry, but the fireworks Were nice once she stopped choking</p><p><em> Frank: </em> i expected more from you, Remus</p><p><em> Remus: </em> fair</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> u have to admit the choreography of the timing was beautiful, yeah?</p><p><em> Frank: </em> Too Soon</p><p><em> Frank: </em> and who’s idea was this??? James, since he’s so mum? I hope he’s properly ashamed</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> im sure that what it is</p><p><em> Peter: </em> yep!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> definitely</p><p><em> Frank: </em> and where is he?????????</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to Marauders </em>: prongs???</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> James?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> thought he was with you, pettigrew?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> thought he was with you, moony?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> fuck</p><p><em> Remus: </em> pete, check his GPS</p><p><em> Peter: </em> it just says hes INSIDE THE HOUSE</p><p><em> Remus: </em> we’d better find him before frank embarrasses himself trying to yell at him</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> must we though</p><p><em> Peter: </em> yes. frank always gets so upset with himself after he (tries to) scold us. that'd be an awkward ride tomorrow, no?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> fucking fine</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins to Lilys Other Best Mate: </em>have you seen Lily</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>is this Alice?</p><p><em> Alice: </em>yep!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>she was just texting me 10 mins ago. did she pass out somewhere</p><p><em> Alice: </em> probably</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>we’d better find her before Pet does</p><p><em> Alice: </em> &lt;3 &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to the nettherfellas </em>: Frank, we’ll find him and bring him to you to meet his Doom</p><p><em> Frank: </em> thanks.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon added to her Snapchat</em> <em>story</em>: *blurry pic of Mary puking into a golden toilet* with the caption ‘it exists’</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Alice Hopkins to</em> <em>lyddy’s babes</em>: not to interrupt your fun, mary &amp; mar, but Lilys missing and Pet will be on a rampage if shes passed out. Will you look at the fourth floor?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> and what are you doing in frank’s ensuite???</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> how do U know what frank’s ensuite looks like???</p><p><em> Alice: </em> FOCUS. Find Lily</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Mary McDonald to Seriously Whack </em>: listen i still dont know how your number got onto my phone and i dont trust you at all but</p><p><em> Mary: </em> have you and ur throng of weirdos kidnapped my housemate</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> ??</p><p><em> Mary: </em> Lily. She’s missing. </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> thats interesting </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to lyddy’s babes </em>: CODE</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> IDK WHAT CODE THIS IS</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> WE NEVER PLANNED FOR THIS</p><p><em> Alice: </em> What is it???</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> GINGER N SPORTY. ON THE BILLIARDS TABLE </p><p><em> Mary: </em> Oh fuck </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to</em> <em>the one without prongs</em>: FUCK </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> found him????</p><p><em> Remus: </em> YEs</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> how bad</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Bad</p><p><em> Peter: </em> talk sense, moony.</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> we have code for things like this. garmented goats bad or like </p><p><em> Remus: </em> more like Ginger goats bad</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> evans???</p><p><em> Peter: </em> is she murdering him?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> er, no</p><p><em> Remus: </em> she IS mauling him, but...er. We dont have a code for whatever the hell this is</p><p><em> Remus: </em> eW</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> wait</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> WAIT. hes snogging evans???????</p><p><em> Remus: </em> yea?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> fuck me we’re never going to hear the end of this</p><p><em> Remus: </em> should i intervene?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> padfoot? should he intervene?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> location? </p><p>Remus: billiards </p><p>Sirius: omw</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins to Flat Party Line </em>: Petunia, where is the car? It’s rather cold out here and Lily’s in a right state.</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> What has her so wound up?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> nothing in particular</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Is she saying ‘Potter’?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> I believe she’s saying Party. The car?</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> B-T-W (by the way), I paid the driver extra to take his time so you and Frank could enjoy some alone time before his London trip tomorrow. ;-)</p><p><em> Alice: </em> he’ll be back after the holidays! but thanks :)</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> is that why you keep winking at us like that, Petunia?</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> I’m not going to dignify that with a response.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Frank Longbottom to the netherfellas: </em>did I see you guys prying James off Lily???</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> more like the other way round frankie, but yeah</p><p><em> Frank: </em> Wow. didnt see that coming</p><p><em> Peter: </em> didn’t u though?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to the netherfellas </em>: is the video real tho</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> no. moony stayed up for sixteen hours after the party, drunk, doctoring footage just to fuck with u</p><p><em> James: </em>u say that like it’d be off brand</p><p><em> Remus: </em> its real prongs</p><p><em> James: </em>fuck </p><p><em> James: </em>i snogged lily evans and don’t remember it???</p><p><em> Peter: </em> apparently lol...</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> if u psychoanalyse this Jam ill murder u &amp; keep ur christmas presents </p><p><em> James: </em>fuck me</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass </em>: fuck me</p><p><em> Lily: </em> did i ACTUALLY drunkenly snog james potter last night oh my god</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>maybe deep down you like him</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>deep deep deep deep down</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well that’s a nuisance as i’ve sworn to hate him forever???</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>not to alarm you, but there is in fact a video!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> super</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 6. Me, Ow</h2></a>
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    <p>To: petunia.evans@gmail.com</p><p>From: okcupid@rescubscribe.okcupid.com</p><p>Date: December 19</p><p>Subject: Give yourself the gift of love for Christmas!</p><p> </p><p>Dear Lily Evans,</p><p>Spending another this alone with your cat and your great aunt Mable? It’s not too late to unwrap the gift of love for Christmas. Log back into your account to read your <b>twelve </b>unread messages!</p><p>Remember that at OKCupid, you’re more than just a photo. You have stories to tell, passions to share, and things to talk about more interesting than the weather. Get noticed for who you are, not what you look like. Because you deserve what dating deserves: better.</p><p> </p><p>Sincerely,</p><p>The OKCupid Team</p><p> </p><p>(If you by some miracle have found the love of your life without our assistance, click HERE to unsubscribe.)</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Minerva McGonagall to Ephie P </em>: My dear Euphemia, happy early Christmas!</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> You as well!</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Did you see the video by chance?</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> I have actually,,,his brother showed me! This is your famed niece?</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Indeed, although I wish that wasn’t your first impression of her.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Nonsense!! You’ve been bragging about her for years! Gorgeous by the way</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> James makes a fine ‘sporty spice’.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> He insists it’s an isolated incident. The exhibitionist snogging lol,,,not the fancy dress</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> As does Lily.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> May I indulge in a bit of gossip? Of course I may,,,His brother insists he’s QUITE taken with her!</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Lily denies any feelings on her part rather vehemently.</p><p><em>Minerva</em>: A little too vehemently, if you catch my meaning.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Interesting,,,</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Quite.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Thank you for the embroidered pillow, by the way.</p><p><em> Euphemia </em>: Fleamont would have loved it as well.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> And how are you really, Ephie?</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> You know, I keep expecting it to get easier. And yet, after four years this is still a difficult time of year. </p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I despise September for the same reason. Would you like me to come up for Christmas?</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Oh no but thank you! You’ve got a wedding at the end of the month,,,</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Oh yes. </p><p><em> Minerva </em>: Euphemia, I suspect that’s a source of gossip, no?</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> I won’t sugarcoat dear. Everyone is talking about. Although it makes no difference to me. Times have changed!</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Yes they have.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> And we also ran around a fair bit at their age if you recall??</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Speak for yourself, Miss banned-from-the-library! Petunia of course mortified. I’ve done my best to console her, but we’re so very different it's hard to reach her. Lily is more like me.</p><p><em> Euphemia </em>: Political? Brilliant? Scathing wit? Wants to make a difference, just not sure how to do it yet? Xx</p><p><em> Minerva: </em>Well now.</p><p><em>Euphemia</em>: Take the compliment, my dear!</p><p><em>Minerva</em>: Alright then, yes, Lily is rather like me in...some respects, and she'll find her way. Petunia, on the other hand, has only ever wanted stability, to settle in and have a family. Especially since her parents... Well. And there’s nothing wrong with that, mind! It's just that she prefers order. She has a five year plan, for crying out loud. And this wasn't the way she imagined it. </p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Well, I can understand that I suppose. But she'll do well and be as happy as can be a year from now, that's what matters. Bugger anyone who feels differently!!</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Thank you, dear friend. Would you believe Lily’s been too distracted with her studies to notice? (And with your son, of course.)</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Glad he could be of service lol!! </p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> And thanks for the offer to come but I have a full house. The Boys just got in from London. They're a delight but also demand my FULL attention!!</p><p><em> Minerva </em>: I understand completely.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em>I do want to catch up however. This Spring?</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Yes, after this wedding business is over.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Peachy. Mind the liquor, Min!</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I was never the imprudent one, Ephie.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Cheers!!</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Before I let you go, this is something Lily mentioned in passing. Have you any idea what a sim is?</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> The card for a phone?</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I think not. </p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Then none at all.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> The closest I could find is a Subscriber Identity Module, but that doesn’t fit.</p><p><em>Euphemia:</em> These children!</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Indeed. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>Are you ready to talk about it yet?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> talk about what?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> you Know what</p><p><em> Lily: </em> women’s world championship kickboxing? </p><p><em> Alice: </em> Lily</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yes?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> you Know what</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m afraid I don’t</p><p><em> Alice: </em> I see</p><p><em> Alice: </em> well nevermind. I was going to tell you all about the convo i had with frank at the party, but</p><p><em> Alice: </em> let me know if you want to chat!</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily: </em> Lily, is your Pinterest down?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ….no</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Odd. It’s been deleted off my phone and I can’t pull it up on my laptop. Can you check?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> won’t work on mine either.</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> I wonder if the IT guy at Grunnings can take a look at it for me.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> good luck!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> Al?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> yes?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> did u delete pinterest from pet’s phone?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> I would never? although I saw her phone with mar before the girls went home for the holidays.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> good on her!</p><p><em> Lily </em>: also, god its so quiet here without them around</p><p><em> Alice: </em> but also its kind of nice to be able to study at home</p><p><em> Alice </em>: I miss them too</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> fine WHAT did frank say</p><p><em> Alice: </em> about what, dear?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> c’mon, al. what did he say</p><p><em> Alice: </em> about women’s world championship kickboxing? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> ALICE</p><p><em> Alice: </em> yes, dear?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> what did he say about potter</p><p><em> Alice: </em> oh, that! Actually nothing, except that he vouches for james</p><p><em> Lily: </em> that’s it???? Of course he would say that</p><p><em> Alice: </em> is mr wickham really the hill you’re going to die on, lil?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> YES</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fuck. i cant believe you made me say his name for nothing</p><p><em> Alice: </em> it’s good for you. now if you’ll excuse me i have to collect my five quid from dorcas</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you bet on me???</p><p><em> Alice: </em> you all had to corrupt me at some point...</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ill timing</p><p><em> Alice: </em> true. I’ll pay for dominoes tonight</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fine but i want garlic bread. and we’re not talking about you-know-what</p><p><em> Alice: </em> promise</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to e ♡ ans ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง </em> <em> : </em> had a great time the other night</p><p><em> Lily: </em> like when you barely talked to me during billiards u mean? I tried like 3x</p><p><em> James: </em>yeah…about that</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i think we’re both the same, actually! cocky. distant. unwilling to speak unless we expect the whole room to be amazed.</p><p><em> James: </em>evans, that’s def not you…</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ....</p><p><em> James: </em>ah. i suppose that’s what you think of me then?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> …</p><p><em> James: </em>listen, evans. idk what HE’S done to pull you in and corrupt you against me but I can assure you he’s an utter prick</p><p><em> Lily: </em> he’s been SO traumatised thanks to YOU he’s likely to suffer all his life.</p><p><em> Lily </em>: and uve been doing that on your own FYI</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to jam pot: </em>how do u think these hoverboards wld perform on the ice???</p><p><em> James: </em>lets find out</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to e♡ans (ง'̀-'́)ง: </em> sorry got distracted. </p><p><em> Lily </em>: for seven hours????</p><p><em> James </em>: had to get a wrist splint. Don’t worry your pretty little redhead tho, im fine its Nbd</p><p><em> Lily </em>: i literally wasnt worried</p><p><em> James </em>: anyway ;) What were we saying?</p><p><em> Lily </em>: Nothing. </p><p><em> Lily </em>: literally nothing. we really have nothing to talk about, potter</p><p><em> James </em>: Im sure we can find Something</p><p><em> James </em>: I didnt mean that creepily</p><p><em> Lily </em>: and yet </p><p><em> Lily </em>: again. nOtHiNg in common</p><p><em> James </em>: spice girls</p><p><em> Lily </em>: One thing </p><p><em> James </em>: Reading? Your goodreads is amazing</p><p><em> Lily </em>: who the fuck looks someone up on goodreads???</p><p><em> Lily </em>: And anyway we read completely different genres. footballer memoires, spy novels n books abt sharks?</p><p><em> James </em>: first of all…</p><p><em> James </em>: WAIT. how would you know what i read?</p><p><em> Lily </em>: lucky guess</p><p><em> James </em>: well we could argue about our diff opinions, evans? I KNOW we have those n ur hella fun to argue with</p><p><em> Lily </em>: no thx im busy</p><p><em> James </em>: perusing my goodreads, i know</p><p><em>Lily</em>: bye</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to not EVEN a good snog </em>: actually</p><p><em> Lily </em>: i have a ?</p><p><em> James </em>: truth or dare ;)</p><p><em> Lily </em>: did u mean that one to be creepy, because it was</p><p><em> James </em>: …whats the question, evans</p><p><em> Lily </em>: u once tweeted abt hardly ever forgiving anyone once you set your mind to hating them</p><p><em> James </em>: yea…</p><p><em> Lily </em>: do u just randomly going around hating people or wld u say they have to earn it?</p><p><em> James </em>: earn it, definitely.</p><p><em> Lily </em>: and you’re NEVER blinded by your own prejudice??</p><p><em> James </em>: Evans, is this about something specific??</p><p><em> James </em>: SOMEONE specific??</p><p><em> Lily </em>: NO it’s not. im just, like, trying to figure you out is all</p><p><em> James </em>: aw, you care enough to try to figure me out</p><p><em> Lily </em>: no, potter, I REALLY dont</p><p><em>Lily</em>: i’ve just heard so many different rumors abt u its...confusing</p><p><em> James </em>: yeah I can imagine. look, evans. that’s a can of worms I don’t want to open again, yeah? we both know where the other stands on the matter and we can argue about it all day long but we’re never going to agree. you’ve already chewed my arse about this before and im not interested in a repeat performance, alright?</p><p><em> Lily </em>: lmao you cant just brush your behavior under the rug like that?</p><p><em> James </em>: whatever</p><p><em> James </em>: wait, evans. actually I was texting abt what happened at the party</p><p><em> Lily </em>: what? the ice sculpture vandalism?</p><p><em> James </em>: that was amazing and u know it</p><p><em> Lily </em>: sirius punching Bertram?</p><p><em> Lily </em>: I take that back that was actually amazing</p><p><em> James </em>: the other thing, evans</p><p><em> Lily </em>: …</p><p><em> James </em>: oh c’mon</p><p><em> James </em>: ive SEEN the video</p><p><em> Lily </em>: probably 50000 times</p><p><em> James </em>: at least ⅓ of the counts were yours</p><p><em> Lily </em>: not true b/c there’s no video to watch</p><p><em> James </em>: lies</p><p><em> Lily </em>: nothing happened</p><p><em> James </em>: Really????</p><p><em> Lily </em>: yep. </p><p><em> Lily </em>: your eyes must have deceived you?</p><p><em> James </em>: lily c’mon</p><p><em> Lily </em>: you said it yourself, potter. we can argue about it all day long but we’re never going to agree. I’m not interested in a repeat either</p><p><em> Lily </em>: listen its been Real but i have wedding stuff to do</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass </em>: Okay. Im done. Im not analysing this convo anymore this is stupid. </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>Okay, Lils.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to moonie pie: </em> how goes the library? Any wankers?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> every day. i dont even care anymore</p><p><em> James: </em>im sorry the library killed ur spirit mate</p><p><em> Remus: </em> well that’s the patrons, not the books</p><p><em> James: </em>true</p><p><em> Remus: </em> how’s the wrist?</p><p><em> James: </em>fine! so long as padfoot doesnt tell mum, im gold</p><p><em> Remus: </em> …</p><p><em> James: </em>fuck</p><p><em> James: </em>spoons?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> aw honnie, you’re worried</p><p><em> James: </em>im always worried lupin</p><p><em> Remus: </em> im Fine</p><p><em> James: </em>Fine sounds a lot like ‘shit’</p><p><em> Remus: </em> i know my limits, mate</p><p><em> Remus: </em> and yes, im fucking tired, but my boss is great abt it and i can work and do school at the same time, so</p><p><em> James: </em>k but if u need to outsource that descartes paper, im game</p><p><em> Remus: </em> snooping on my google docs??</p><p><em> James: </em>always</p><p><em> Remus: </em> unfortunately i have to actually DO the paper</p><p><em> James: </em>ok! Offer stands tho</p><p><em> Remus: </em> ...i do have nine articles to read and i would Not complain if you wanted to read very thoroughly and provide comprehensive, but not overwhelming notes? Not to be too picky?</p><p><em> James: </em>my Pleasure</p><p><em> Remus: </em> say that after youve seen the list</p><p><em> James: </em>its a good skill for me to keep up, in case i ever do decide to go to school. also i need something to keep me occupied</p><p><em> Remus: </em> sent!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> prongs? Thx</p><p><em> James: </em>actually id better wait until im off these pain killers tomorrow, but np</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to peteyboiiii: </em>miss u mate</p><p><em> Peter: </em> miss u too mate!</p><p><em> James: </em>how’s mum?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> the usual O_o</p><p><em> James: </em>yikes</p><p><em> Peter: </em> how’s mum?</p><p><em> James: </em>the usual</p><p><em> Peter: </em> lucky bastard!</p><p><em> James: </em>g’luck delivering groceries today. also sent a care package from mum. </p><p><em> Peter </em>: ironic because I sent u a bag of my gingersnaps yesterday</p><p><em> James </em>: bless u</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass: </em> But why EXACTLY did he need a wrist splint? probably abusing another cat!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>blocked</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans, you have received the following private message on Academia.edu from Severus Snape </em>: Saw that atrocious display of you degrading yourself with James Potter at his revolting christmas party. I thought you were better than that, espeically after all I’ve told you he did to me. How could you do this to me? You’ll soon see his true colours I’m sure!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily: </em> You’ve posted seven pictures of that mangy stray today.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> he’s not mangy, he’s magnificent</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Didn’t I see his picture on the telephone pole?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no that’s someone else’s magnificent kitty, went missing last week! </p><p><em> Petunia: </em> I need your help with programmes.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Or what?</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> I’ll take myself off the lease before the end of the year.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> BUN-YON</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> One hour, then.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fine</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to e </em> ♡ <em> ans ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง </em> <em> : </em> listen. Please stop editing my biographical Wikipedia article?? That’s for recruitment purposes.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Recruitment for what? its LITERALLY just you talking about how great you are</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i mean. you have a wikipedia article?? Link pls</p><p><em> James: </em>Evans...here are the edits made at 2:35 this morning</p><p><em> James: </em>‘Hair so untidy it scares Medusa.’</p><p><em> James: </em>‘Not even a memorable snog.’</p><p><em> James: </em>‘Off-key Christmas singer.’</p><p><em> James: </em>‘Kicks poor, defenceless cats for pleasure.’</p><p><em> Lily: </em> That does sound like the tirade of a woman scorned.</p><p><em> James: </em>I haven’t scorned you! I was just piss drunk!! </p><p><em> James: </em>You literally just edited the entry to say ‘Womaniser.’</p><p><em> Lily: </em> prove it</p><p><em> James: </em>you also tweeted the link to the updated article</p><p><em> Lily: </em> glad to see your mum gave you your social media back</p><p><em> James: </em>harsh</p><p><em> James: </em>ps OF COURSE ive got a wikipedia. my parents are famous! Youve seen the hair commercials, yeah?  I KNOW you have don’t deny it. Also, my mum does tons of charity work</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no words</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>i cannot believe her facebook post</p><p><em> Alice: </em> your sister</p><p><em> Lily: </em> shes the only one for whom that sentence would make sense...no clarification needed. What’d she do?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> just look</p><p><em> Lily: </em> im AFRAID to look</p><p><em> Alice: </em> lily</p><p><em> Lily: </em> oh GOD how embarrassing im sorry, al</p><p><em> Alice: </em> she tagged me in it! And then she messaged me the link just in case i missed it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> at least she didnt tag frank?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> could you ask her to take it down, please? It makes me look like a money grabbing gold digger.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i can try, the best i can guarantee is that she’ll untag u tho</p><p><em> Alice: </em> that’ll have to be good enough i suppose</p><p><em> Lily: </em> sorry my sister is the Worst</p><p><em> Alice: </em> but you are the best</p><p><em> Lily: </em> xo</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to padfeet: </em> do you have my red scarf??</p><p><em> James: </em>Sirius????</p><p><em> James: </em>if you arent going to answer my ft at least answer my texts</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> .</p><p><em> James: </em>oh come on mate, is SCARF a banned word, too???</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> no. RED is. obviously.</p><p><em> James: </em>ridic</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> EVANS</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> LILY</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> GINGER</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> LILS—which is weird btw</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> RED</p><p><em>Sirius:</em> REDHEAD </p><p><em> James: </em>listen</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> ill print this out for ur reference</p><p><em> James: </em>but do you know where the damn scarf is???</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> yeah its in my pillow</p><p><em> James: </em>????</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> i dont pry into UR business do i</p><p><em> James: </em>i mean u do but point taken</p><p><em> James: </em>can u reach into ur pillow im afraid to stick my hand in there</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> fine pass my pillow then</p><p><em> James: </em>u are LITERALLY on your bed and the pillow is under ur head.</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> makes no diff to me if u get ur scarf james</p><p><em> James: </em>fine im coming up</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Remus Lupin to longshot: </em> hi! I hope this isn’t creepy</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Although there’s no way it’s NOT creepy.</p><p><em> Lily: </em>potter is this U</p><p><em> Remus: </em> no, but i AM one of Frank’s friends</p><p><em> Remus: </em> I’m really non-threatening, I promise. I colour code my penis!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> oh god, PENS. sorry, my friends are Shittttttttttttt</p><p><em> Lily: </em> oh. You Must be one of potters friends then too</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Well, yes. That, too</p><p><em> Lily: </em> You’re the normal one.</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Yes.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Remus ‘Moony’ Lupin? Maths and philosophy? handles the amazing uni library twitter acct? werewolf?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> oh...kay.</p><p><em> Remus: </em> I mean yes, that’s me.</p><p><em> Lily: </em>just checking</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Listen…I know you’re mad at Prongs about the one thing.</p><p><em> Remus: </em> *Potter</p><p><em> Remus: </em> And the thing is, try not to take that too seriously ok?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> James is a really good friend, and don’t write him off based on one out of context video ok?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> There’s a lot of history between those two that you don’t understand.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> sounds like BS to me</p><p><em> Lily: </em> …did he put you up to this?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Actually he doesn’t know and please don’t tell him. Just trying to live by my conscience, yeah?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I can respect that.</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Didn’t make a difference though did it.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> nope! But do u seem alright. A good mate at least. Do you play words w/ friends???</p><p><em> Remus: </em> No, but I’ve heard you love Sims?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> bye</p><p><em> Lily: </em> btw @heavensevans if u change ur mind abt words w/ friends</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Marauders: </em> soooooo This is an interesting tidbit</p><p>
  <em> Sirius Black has left the group chat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Remus Lupin has left the group chat. </em>
</p><p><em>Peter</em>: sorry, prongs, but i Can’t do this again</p><p>
  <em> Peter Pettigrew has left the group chat. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to</em> <em>lyddy’s babes</em>: remember when we all assumed that vernon would be just as insufferable as petunia? </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> yah?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well we were wrong!</p><p><em> Mary: </em> we were?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Yes! He’s SO much worse</p><p><em> Lily: </em> we were out for dinner last night and he honest-to-god SNAPPED his fingers at the waitress to refill his glass </p><p><em> Alice: </em> i just had a visceral reaction to that </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Lupin: </em> wanker, it wasn’t about evans</p><p><em> Remus: </em> don’t waste it, mate. </p><p><em> Remus: </em> I regret defending you to her</p><p><em> James: </em>you what?</p><p><em> James: </em>????????????</p><p><em> James: </em>remus, what did she say??? What did YOU say????</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Go try pete.</p><p><em> James: </em>damn u lupin</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to liddy's babes: </em> he hates me, also </p><p><em> Alice: </em> what did you do?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> nothing! It’s totally unwarranted!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> …</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fine there may have been some innuendos but i was drunk and he works for a DRILL firm what was i supposed to do</p><p><em> Lily: </em> anyways if i never come back he probably ran me over in his Volvo</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Pettigrew: </em> im offended, pete. What would ur mum think?</p><p><em> James: </em>after everything i’ve done for you???</p><p><em>Peter</em>: like what???</p><p><em>James</em>: that date with margie wilkenson</p><p><em> Peter: </em> she ditched me halfway through dinner!</p><p><em> James: </em>her bad judgment, mate, with your Stud Suit! and that cologne i bought you???</p><p><em> Peter: </em> she cited both of those in her list of reasons when i pressed her for an explanation!</p><p><em> James: </em>And WHO WAS IT consoled you through that heartbreak???</p><p><em> Peter: </em> moony!</p><p><em> James: </em>Fine. point is, i’ve acted out, like, twice today, but i’m a New Man. evans free.</p><p><em> Peter: </em> six times actually lol.</p><p><em> James: </em>four times tops</p><p><em> Peter: </em> scroll up in the group chat, prongs.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to</em> <em>Prongs:</em> not answering because ur still scrolling for that long or because u know i’m right</p><p><em> James: </em>it WASNT about evans</p><p><em> Peter: </em> sure thing mate.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Peter Pettigrew to Padfoot </em>: youre next!</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> im Ready</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Black: </em> twat, answer facetime. it WASNT about evans</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> dont know if i can ever trust you again</p><p><em> James: </em>really?? How will you do a backflip without me as your spotter?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> frankie</p><p><em> James: </em>frank doesn’t condone gymnastics, you Know that</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> ill do without</p><p><em> James: </em>Safety First, mum's still chiding me abt my wrist!</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> you may have a Point </p><p><em> James: </em>i hate to pull this, i really do, but…</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> no</p><p><em> James: </em>marauder’s honor</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> nice try</p><p><em> James: </em>fine then im calling in the favor you owe me</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> thats fucking Serious, Potter</p><p><em> James: </em>it IS serious, Sirius</p><p><em> James: </em>it WASNT about evans, but it is important</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> if this is another trick i stg james</p><p><em> James: </em>solemnly swear</p><p><em> James </em>: sorry abt the serious joke</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to The New One Without Prongs: </em> sorry mates</p><p><em> Remus: </em> fucking hell im pulling your admin privileges, black</p><p><em> Peter: </em> not again o_O</p><p><em> Sirius Black has added James Potter to the group chat </em>.</p><p><em> James: </em>so it wasnt about evans, i solemnly swear</p><p><em> James: </em>…but it is abt her sister </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> godDAMN it potter</p><p><em> James: </em>DONT delete me just read her fb post??? she’s super implying that they’re after frank b/c he’s rich??</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> one of these girls made a trashy, classless fb post…. is this news? </p><p><em> Peter: </em> those hashtags are a crime!</p><p><em> James: </em>i don’t care about petunia, obviously, but alice?</p><p><em> James: </em>dont u think we should have frank’s back?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> alice seems so nice tho...</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> sh pete the adults are talking</p><p><em> James </em>: yes But she was bragging about it at the party too?</p><p><em>James</em>: remember that cougar who bilked him for 50k? frank is a good guy and entirely too trusting. </p><p><em>Remus:</em> james is right</p><p><em> Remus: </em> which is smth i haven’t said in a while</p><p><em> James: </em>… ignoring that jab</p><p><em> James: </em>go on</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> well even if we cared</p><p><em>James</em>: and we do!</p><p><em>Sirius</em>: what are we supposed 2 do about it franks a big boy </p><p><em> James: </em> mum isnt using the london house atm...time for a lads holiday i think</p><p><em> Peter: </em> can’t afford a ticket mates? just got here!</p><p><em>Sirius</em>: we literally just left london, prongs</p><p><em>Remus</em>: he's right though, we have to have franks back. we owe him</p><p><em> Sirius: </em>still feeling guilty abt that ice sculpture, lupin?</p><p><em> James: </em>enough, padfoot! we're doing this. and pete, ive got ya, mate. gig economy is thriving in london btw</p><p><em> Peter: </em> he’s obsessed with her though, how do we convince him?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> tell him there’s a bug convention or whatever the fuck. he’s usually ready to cycle out of an obsession by now but he seems really into this butterfly thing</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> i hate that i know this, but natural history museum is doing a new butterfly exhibit, andromeda could get frank on as a consultant</p><p><em> Peter: </em> lol</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> fuck off?</p><p><em> James: </em>thats a good idea.</p><p><em> James: </em>but also lol</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to</em> <em>deerhart:</em> you know for this to work, you’re going to have to lay off evans for awhile, yeah?</p><p><em> James: </em>yeah i know</p><p><em> James: </em>m8s b4 d8s, even fantastic ones</p><p><em> James: </em>probably for the best we don’t go back, she hates me anyway</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> happy New Year!!!! Wish I were with you instead of in Surrey. </p><p><em> Alice: </em> I know, love. I’m sorry.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> FYI theres absolutely enough room here that u girls cldve come but...she probably wouldn’t have invited ME if auntie hadn’t forced her. </p><p><em> Alice: </em> It was short notice and all, I understand. Im not terribly upset by it, if that helps.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> wish you were here to make faces at though?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> How terrible is she being?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> 100/10 bridezilla</p><p><em> Lily: </em> wish i was filming this - i could be internet famous???</p><p><em> Alice: </em> the Girls would never forgive you. Mary’s already upset that your video-that-shall-not-be-named is more famous than her toilet pic</p><p><em>Lily</em>: u know what?  ive had my moment of internet fame im good</p><p><em> Lily: </em> are the girls behaving now that they’re back home?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> we’re having a Lydia fashion show to celebrate the New Year</p><p><em> Lily: </em> JEALOUS</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Oh, and Mr Wickham is now officially a full time house cat </p><p><em> Alice: </em> dont tell Pet</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ofc</p><p><em> Lily: </em> she has me so busy i can barely text u the misery. </p><p><em> Alice: </em> at least you have Aunt M to make faces to.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> shittt, tuney calls. must run!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> it’ll all be over tomorrow</p><p><em> Lily: </em> xo</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to</em> <em>lyddy’s babes</em>: its time. the wedding is happening. I’ll see u on the other side… if i survive it</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> stop being so dramatic </p><p><em> Alice: </em> it’ll all be over soon lils! </p><p><em> Mary: </em> id copy and paste the speech from braveheart but i cba </p><p><em> Alice: </em> hows petunia holding up?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well she stopped screeching when the guests started turning up so that’s good, i suppose</p><p><em> Lily: </em> although she did have a minor meltdown 10 minutes ago and ask me to go count how much confetti there was on each table</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i stuck my finger in the cake just to make her go batshit later. i’ll blame it on the flower girl</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject </em>: ’0/10. I’ve seen shinier fur on a sphynx cat. she looks like a mix between grumpy cat and siamese, but even nobblier and with less charm’</p><p><em> Mary: </em> thats an awful thing for someone to say about lydia</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> then why can i hear u cackling through the wall</p><p><em> Mary: </em> i saw a funny meme</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> thin. fucking. ice. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> im on my way home babe, finally! can u pick me up at the station?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Aunt M is coming home with me, so can you like, replace petunia’s sheets?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> this is marlene. can you speed up that train???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no...why</p><p><em> Lily: </em> wait. why are you using alice’s phone??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> WHATS WRONG</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> how are u</p><p><em> Alice: </em> you’ve been gone 5 mins, lil. You haven’t left my side for a week. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> that’s not answering the question, al</p><p><em> Alice: </em> of course i am?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> convincing </p><p><em> Alice: </em> I’m ok. Honestly. You’re literally just going to tesco </p><p><em> Alice: </em> … and i am truly happy for him. I wish him the best. Consulting with the natural history museum’s is a wonderful opportunity. It was a lifelong dream for him, if you can believe it</p><p><em> Alice: </em> And the exhibit doesn’t open until summer, so he’ll probably be there until fall, no?</p><p><em> Alice </em>: I just...wish he’d told me personally? or texted me? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> alright i’m coming home we didn’t need milk that badly anyway</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins </em> to ily evans: just got this email from ur sis: </p><p>     Hi Alice, </p><p>     Just heard the bad news about Frank. Vernon and I are out on the town for dinner tonight<br/>
     (you would Adore Majorca!), but I made him wait for me so I could send you my condolences.</p><p>     So sorry dear! Maybe you’ll listen to me in future? I do know a fair bit about men, being a<br/>
     happily married woman and all! (You always were the most sensible of Lily’s friends.) Not<br/>
     that I’m saying it was the pigtails that turned him away, Alice (not entirely, anyway).</p><p>     Nevermind that though, it isn’t your fault really. I daresay you tried your best. You’re a pretty girl!<br/>
     If you follow my advice yet, we’re bound to find a man who will take you! Then maybe you can be<br/>
     as happy as I am :-) </p><p>     Anyways, must dash! Vernon is getting impatient. </p><p>     Best wishes, Petunia Dursley</p><p><em> Lily: </em>alice, i’m truly going to murder her</p><p><em> Lily </em>: in cold blood</p><p><em> Lily </em>: and if they use this conversation to convict me of murder, so be it. live a long and happy life and don’t ever feel guilty about my incarceration</p><p><em> Alice: </em> she means well </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to auntie </em>: Did you get settled back at home?</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Yes, dear. The bees were abuzz with happiness at my return.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Glad to hear it. </p><p><em> Minerva: </em> How is darling Alice?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Actually, that’s the issue. Do you mind if I ask for a favor? She needs a … change of scenery.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I’ve already inquired, dear. There’s a position at the Science Museum in London, should she desire it. Her time there should help narrow her focus in terms of her future studies and it would be a wonderful placement for her. I know you said she was stressed about that.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> You’re the best person I know.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Poor thing. </p><p><em> Minerva: </em>Although it does a girl good to be crossed in love every once and awhile, dear.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Auntie!</p><p><em> Minerva: </em>What about Potter? He’d do the job for you.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Potter who</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Mary MacDonald to boo u whore: </em>so when are you going to hold up your end of the bargain???</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> me?? u lost the bet!</p><p><em> Mary: </em> no i didnt. I won if it existed, and it did!</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> no……...that was my end</p><p><em> Mary: </em> wait, did we actually talk about it?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> guess not??</p><p><em> Mary: </em> well are you still going to play my music over her next video??? </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> lmao y would i do that</p><p><em> Mary: </em> bc were friends??</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> its not on brand sry</p><p><em> Mary: </em> fuck off?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass </em> : <em> DORCAS </em>! </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>Lily! </p><p><em> Lily: </em> are you really truly leaving me?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> TELL ME IT ISN’T TRUE </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>you make it sound so personal!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>I am leaving… in general</p><p><em>Lily:</em> DORCAS!!! THIS IS PERSONAL!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> in fact ITS VERY SELFISH OF YOU</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>Lily. breathe. I’m moving to Gloucestershire, not Australia. Staying with Gran so there’s no real risk. </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>and no ‘congratulations on landing a great job at the tender age of 20’?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Well yes of course I’m proud of u but I mean </p><p><em> Lily: </em> IDK tho don’t you think you should finish your education??? you’ve already done 2.5 years of it isn’t that a waste???</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>u know if u have to qualify something w/ a ‘but’ that’s a problem right</p><p><em> Dorcas </em>: I was only doing a degree for my career. and now a career opportunity that's better than most graduates will ever get comes along then nah? not really</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i just thought you cared a bit more about your education, is all </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>are you seriously judging me right now?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> its ur decision </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>well i’ve made it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well good 4 u all the best</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>why are you being such a dick about this</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m not</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m very proud of u for using aubreys weird fuckin crush on you to land a job running his aunt's twitter.</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>there it is </p><p><em> Lily: </em> well were you even going to tell me??</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>no! and can you blame me if that was your reaction?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>besides he only got me an interview, i got the job on my own thank you. </p><p><em> Dorcas </em>: nice to know my best friend has so much faith in me </p><p><em> Lily: </em> i DO have faith in you and thats why i know you can finish your education and get a job on your OWN terms instead of cosying up to that slimy prick</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i did not ‘cosy up’ to him. he offered to get me the interview and i accepted</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>god, lily. being a publicist to someone like Druella with so many contacts? thats a good opportunity. one I might never get again! </p><p><em> Dorcas </em>: i don’t have a connected aunt ready to get me a good job like u do</p><p><em> Lily: </em>well shame on me for wanting whats best for you dorcas</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>well I get to decide that, not you. and if you don’t have anything supportive to say, piss off until you do? </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> miss u </p><p><em> Alice: </em> My train pulled out 5 minutes ago. I’ve not even left tiddlestout yet</p><p><em> Alice: </em> miss u too tho </p><p><em> Lily: </em> ur going to smash it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ur going to save the planet. And make green energy resources sound SO sexy </p><p><em> Alice: </em> Im setting up exhibits nd giving tours, Lily, not saving the world</p><p><em> Alice: </em> But thank you</p><p><em> Alice: </em> losing signal, ily &lt;3</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ILY &lt;3 </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to miss ur stupid face 2 u twat</em>: <strike>I’m so sorry babe Im just so worried about your future and</strike></p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes: </em> did someone refill Mr Wickham’s bowl?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> i haven’t touched mr wickham’s food bowl since you went all petunia on me for overfeeding him</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ew. please dont use tuney as a verb, esp abt me</p><p><em> Mary: </em> if the temper fits</p><p><em> Lily: </em> mar, did you?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> nope</p><p><em> Lily: </em> interesting</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> ur shoes are killer today btw</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Big Ben Postcard to Lily Evans </em>: It feels exotic to send a postcard, even if it’s just from London. Can’t believe it’s been a few weeks already. My host is lovely, and I’m learning tons. Very much enjoying all the sightseeing. Miss talking to you, but glad to be taking a break from my phone these days. Present in the moment, and all that. Hope you’re doing well. Be kind to your Sims. Xo - Al </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene </em> <em> McKinnon to Flat Party Line</em>: WE HAVE A TRAITOR IN OUR MIDST I DEMAND A FLAT CONFERENCE RIGHT FUCKING NOW</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>what’s going on?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Dorcas? hi! how did you get back on this chat??</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i dont get into ur business dont get into mine</p><p><em> Lily: </em> k</p><p><em>Marlene:</em> anyway, mary’s the bitch Sabatha whose been writing all of those mean instagram posts????</p><p><em> Alice: </em> mar thats a horrid accusation to make without proof!!!</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> its true tho??? i was in ur icloud to find that pic from the fundraiser n i found all the random flower pictures u put on one of the sabatha accounts?????</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>God i dont miss this drama actually. i’m out ladies, have fun</p><p><em> Mary: </em> alright its true?????? but fuck, mar! we were proper mates before that damn cat came along!</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> apologise to lydia?!!!?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> look. im not proud of it!!! but i have nothing to say to her until YOU apologise first</p><p><em> Lily: </em> girls, GIRLS. I know this is like, pressing or whatever, but when was the last time anyone saw mr wickham?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass:</em>  <strike>idk what will happen if this falls thru for u? and I know I could have handled it better, but</strike></p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Petunia Dursley to Flat Party Line </em>: Girls, it’s time for another flat video tour, please!</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Please include today’s paper so I know it’s fresh! </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> that was One time</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> We want the deposit back at the end of the term, don’t we? (I came home to ants last time!)</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> it was 1 ant n it was mary’s fault</p><p><em> Mary: </em> good to see you’re talking to me again</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> i’m talking ABT u not 2 u……..fuck off</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to to lyddy’s babes: </em> Lily, shes unreal</p><p><em> Mary: </em> lil i have no comment to anyone else but you HAVE to intervene</p><p><em> Lily: </em> why me???</p><p><em> Mary: </em> …</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> ……</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fine but you two have Got to sort this nonsense out</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to Loony Tunes: </em> Tuney you are literally supposed to be sunning it up on a beach, no?</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> ‘Cleanliness is next to godliness.’ -Mahatma Gandhi</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Petunia, really…</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> You can’t argue with Gandhi!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> 1. i can </p><p><em> Lily: </em>2. wasnt gandhi a domestic abusing pedophile???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> 1. “‘Cleanliness is next to godliness.’ -Mahatma Gandh’” -Petunia Evans</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> 1. My name is Petunia DURSLEY now, Lily, and you know it!</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> 2. Tut tut.</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> 3. I Will pull the lease early if you can’t keep the flat tidy!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> BUNYON</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> About that! I told Vernon, now that we’re married. He understood that it was stress induced and there was nothing I could have done.</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> And now you’ve nothing to blackmail me with now that Vernon and I are J-F-L (joined-for-life)!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Wow</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> 6pm</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes </em>: we’d better get cleaning, ladies. Since you’re being ridiculous, I’ll split the chores and send you each a separate list</p><p><em> Mary: </em> away for the day. SORRY!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you literally just ran out the door, mary. Come back?? I thought you loved cleaning??</p><p><em> Mary: </em> big difference between a properly folded sock drawer and scrubbing a toilet </p><p><em> Lily: </em> *middle finger emoji**shrug emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to dork ass:</em> <strike>I just thought you were above lowering yourself to taking a job from someone like that? I’ve just dealt with so many shitty men this term and I just, want better for you. Also I would never ever admit this to Petunia but creating chore charts is a bitch of a chore</strike></p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> London Skyline Postcard to Lily Evans </em>: Met the Queen today! Ha! I can feel your scorn at that joke all the way from, as Marlene would say, Tiddystoat. Tell the girls I miss their shenanigans terribly. London continues to impress and distract. Haven’t seen any butterflies though, if you get my drift. xo, Al</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Mary to lyddy’s babes </em>: uh, Lily </p><p><em> Mary: </em> what just happened????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> dont worry about it </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> it was him wasn’t it?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yeah it was snape. he came bc i blocked him on every platform, but i told him to fuck off. And slammed the door on his hand.  </p><p><em> Lily: </em> the other day he transferred 1p into my bank account with the ref ‘PLSTALKTOME’</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> ironic that stalk me is in that message??</p><p><em> Marlene: </em>u ok</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m fine, he’s not worth worrying about </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> file a harassment complaint</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I uh. Already did actually. You told me to! Seeing as he hasn’t been violent or outright threatened me there isn’t much they can do, apparently. </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> ffs</p><p><em> Mary: </em> useless!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Its fine. I think he got the message this time. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> im going to make a snape sim to torture bye</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Minerva McGonagall to </em> <em> ✴ </em> <em> favourite niece </em> <em> ✴ </em> <em> : </em> Are you quite sure you’re alright, Lily?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> of course</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ...why</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> This is the fourteenth captioned cat portrait you’ve sent to my phone today.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and? Im avoiding cleaning before pet demands another video tour</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I can’t help but notice the tone is darker than your usuals, dear. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> i don’t think so auntie</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> ‘tried to jump off a building...landed on my feet’</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it would be annoying, don’t you think?</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> ‘MEOW’ ‘It’s just ME + OW’</p><p><em> Lily: </em> not my finest work, but has a nice ring to it</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> ‘when I caught the red dot I realised there’s no point’</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it’s not Wrong, Auntie</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Very Nihilistic of you. I asked the Google and found them under ‘depressed cat memes’. I’m not sure what that is, but it concerns me.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i love you so much</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Quite mutual, dearest. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m FINE, Aunt m.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> …</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Really</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Hypothetically, I could see how one might be lonely without my dearest friends around.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i suppose</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> And if my housemates were fighting.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yea</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> And if my new pet vanished.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> And if a boy who drove me mad, but who at least kept the days interesting, suddenly left.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I daresay, there’d be no shame in missing my sister as well.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> too far, Auntie. She’s evil, even from majorca.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you are doing a bang up job of cheering me up, auntie</p><p><em> Lily: </em> besides im NOT depressed</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> …</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i Might be a little sad (not about tuney tho she’s the Worst)</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I thought so.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> but don’t worry about me!! </p><p><em> Lily: </em> sure i miss Alice’s cuddles and cupcakes? And Dorcas’s schemes and withering glares that keep me in line. sure</p><p><em> Lily: </em> also my spider plant died w/out pet to water it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> but school starts soon! And it will be...soul crushingly difficult. But distracting! I’ll be too busy to be depressed.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> There’s that silver lining.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Perhaps you need companionship of the romantic sort?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> all men are shit—derby boys, uni boys, pompous boys??? Sick of them all</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ill find someone w/ no common sense or anything nice at all….</p><p><em> Lily: </em> stupid men are the only ones worth knowing auntie</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Lily, dear, that sounds very close to bitterness. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> ??? have you not been paying attention, auntie</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> You sound like your sister.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> harsh</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> But am I wrong? </p><p><em> Lily </em>: ...</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> maybe lighten up on the cat portraits? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> nah</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Well it’s clear you’re in picture perfect mental health. Nevertheless, I have arranged a spa day for you on Saturday. In London. With Alice.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you are...the literal best</p><p><em> Lily: </em> would you spot me deposit and rent for the rest of the year so i can move out?</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> If the only reason is so you can avoid cleaning, dearest, then no.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> didnt think so</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> =^._.^=</p><p><em> Lily: </em> wow</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass: </em> Hi Dorcas. I’ve typed out about fifty versions of this text. I’m eternally sorry for being such a shit over this whole thing, and especially for not reaching out sooner. So sorry. The sorriest. I should’ve put more faith in your decision making and approached you with an open heart. Instead, I made accusations about your motives and projected my own assumptions about your feelings on you instead of just asking where you were coming from. And obviously this is going to be better in a phone call rather than a text, so is it okay to call you? </p><p><em> Lily: </em>PS And before you ask if a Lily-bot took over my phone, I’ve been listening to this amazing podcast and I followed her advice on the perfect apology. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> PPS I’ve been highkey stalking the twitter account and you’re doing an amazing job, as I knew you would.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> TLDR Sorry for being an unsupportive bitch. Can we talk?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p><br/>
<em> Thames at Night Postcard to Lily Evans </em>: Hello, lovely. Ran into Sirius B the other day, he was having lunch with his cousin, I think. He barely acknowledged me. Good to know where I stand with that lot I guess? Now I can move on at least. Loving the museum, so much history in one place! xo, Al</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. 7. Heartbreak at the Miniature Golf</h2></a>
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    <p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: cant believe i get to see u soon!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>excited doesn’t cover it. how are u?? it’s been a hell month for u with school</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>and the girls</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>and Pet micromanaging every aspect of your life from afar</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>and u’d never admit it but you miss boy drama as well</p><p><em> Lily: </em> feel free to stop listing every terrible thing abt my life pls</p><p><em> Lily </em>: except the boy drama thank GOd thats over</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>sorry?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> none of it matters. One week left!!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>same. although Gloucestershire is a dull place to spend your reading week</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well technically reading week starts in a week and a half but ive got nothing important going on, so</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>no complaints here! two weeks is glorious</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it’s better than here, and we need to rebond.</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>lil, we have literally hashed this back and forth for weeks</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>forgiven</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>also, you had a few valid points in there</p><p><em> Lily: </em> my execution was shit</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>well</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>on a cheerful note, i have a terrible surprise for you</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ominous</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>the good news is, seeing me outweighs the terror of it all</p><p><em> Lily: </em> obviously</p><p><em> Lily: …</em>but how bad could it be, honestly</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>*shrug emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>From: Severus S (severus.snape@gmail.com)</p><p>Date: February 14</p><p>Subject: POTTER IS A TOERAG DO NOT BE BEGUILED! — invitation to edit</p><p> </p><p>Severus S has invited you to <b>edit </b>the following document:</p><p> </p><p>POTTER IS A TOERAG DO NOT BE BEGUILED!</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Open in Docs</span>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Minerva McGonagall to </em> <em> ✴ </em> <em> favourite niece </em> <em> ✴</em><em>: </em> sent you some extra spending money for your trip next week xo tell dorcas i said hello</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Petunia Dursley to Flat Party Line</em>: Girls, in Lily’s absence, I’ll be doing daily Skypes to touch base and make sure you’re doing okay! (Don’t worry, while it is a time burden, I am willing to sacrifice for your collective well being.)</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to kittymama: </em>listen im going to strangle ur sis</p><p><em> Lily: </em> literally not my problem for the next two weeks!</p><p><em> Lily: </em>also u have no idea how much of her bs i shield you from! </p><p><em> Marlene</em>: don’t go</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I HAVE 2. u know I need this. you’ll be fine! im trusting you as the sensible one</p><p><em> Marlene</em>: im the sensible one?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> of course</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ps make up with mary</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Mary MacDonald to TheGoodEvans: </em> please don’t leave me here to your sister’s mercy? or mar’s???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> 1. mary, youve no idea how much tuney’s fuckery i shield you from on a daily basis</p><p><em> Lily: </em>2. just apologise to marlene! it really does work.</p><p><em> Lily: 3. </em>keep practicing, music therapy helps!</p><p><em> Mary: </em> daily skypes are too much even for me? and as for mckinnon, id rather die</p><p><em> Lily: </em> aaah ok then don’t ask for my advice?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> wasn’t asking for ur advice lil, was asking for you to TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> not a chance, mary. sorry! </p><p><em> Mary: </em> well what if i just<em>…</em>don’t answer pet’s skypes?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> she Will come to the flat and we don’t Want that. ps trusting u to be the responsible one.</p><p><em> Mary: </em> fair</p><p><em> Mary: </em>wait, are you telling mar the same thing?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> u wont know unless you ask her, will you?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> gag</p><p><em> Mary: </em> but have a WONDERFUL trip despite leaving me here to die</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass:</em> I need you to come pick me up</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i thought you were just walking/hiking to stretch your legs?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I thought the air would do me good but i was Wrong</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i see. Any particular reason??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m pretty sure you KNOW what happened</p><p><em> Dorcas </em>: do i tho</p><p><em> Lily: </em> YOU NEGLECTED TO MENTION THAT DRUELLA DE BLACK IS YOUR GRAN’S NEIGHBOUR AND THAT AUBREY BERTRAM WAS HERE VISITING FOR A FEW WEEKS</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i did mention that i had a horrible surprise</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i didnt Realise</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I mean i thought we might run into Druella at the ‘office’??? </p><p><em> Lily: </em>Or i had deluded myself into thinking that meant your gran’s house smelt like codfish or something</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>would u have come??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> considering</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>see</p><p><em> Lily: </em> kidding. I would have come because i love you but oh my God</p><p><em> Lily: </em> why did you let me take a walk????</p><p><em> Dorcas </em>: bc u get tetchy without a daily walk</p><p><em> Dorcas </em>: and also so you might not murder me quite as cruelly</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>good news is, now we can Suffer together!</p><p>Dorcas: speaking of...BTW guess where we’re going for dinner tomorrow tonight</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Druella de Black’s house</p><p><em> Lily: </em> which is stupid btw - who puts a ‘de’ in their name?? </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i know. FYI she’s completely bonkers you were absolutely right about that</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and the way he spoke about her!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>creepy doesn’t begin to cover it</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>she doesn’t normally let him come for dinner i don’t think</p><p><em> Lily: </em> tbf i wouldnt either</p><p><em> Lily: </em> but he… he was so fucking pleased to get an invite? going on abt what to expect, and warning me abt the splendor of it all so i dont piss myself</p><p><em> Lily: </em> im not going btw</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>u have to! i need this for my cv and also u agreed when i invited u and she is Expecting you</p><p><em> Lily: </em> he assured me his aunt wouldnt look down on me for my ‘simple attire’</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>maybe wait an hour before coming home? hike out that rage</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>the rise on the other side of town has some delightful views</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I see nothing here but betrayal </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>mwah</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Bertram Aubrey to Miss Meadowes: </em>Good Afternoon! I’m sure both you and Miss Evans are anticipating our little dinner with our benevolent hostess. However, there was a certain matter of some delicacy which I should like to discuss with you.</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> Miss Evans possesses a delightful sense of humour and a spark of fire, as we know. We also know that her upbringing has made her a little coarser than Lady de Black is accustomed to.</p><p><em>Bertram</em>: It is therefore perhaps in our mutual interest that you impress upon Miss Evans the level of decorum expected at an occasion such as this. Your guidance regarding the appropriateness of certain language and the manner of her dress may prod her in the right direction.</p><p><em>Bertram:</em> I only want this evening to be successful and enjoyable for all involved, and avoid any little embarrassments. I’m sure you understand. </p><p><em>Bertram</em>: Kind regards, Bertram.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass: </em>almost back. i do have to say this place is good for my ig</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and my arse im going to get IN shape</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>hush your arse is perfect</p><p><em> Lily: </em> &lt;3</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>so Aubrey just told me to ask you not to swear or dress like a slut at dinner </p><p><em> Lily: </em> and were those his exact words?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>near enough</p><p><em> Lily: </em> enchanting</p><p><em> Lily: </em> lucky i bought the velvet fuck me heels then </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to lils: </em> are you hiding already???</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>also have i told you your outfit is completely inappropriate </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>love it. u look fit</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no im in the bathroom</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and thanks ily2</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>for 15 minutes?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> do have to give berty credit<em>…</em>this place IS nice</p><p><em> Lily: </em> is he still pissing himself abt being chosen to sit at the foot of the table?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>if i say no will you come out</p><p><em> Lily: </em> has he stopped complimenting every mouthful?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>no</p><p><em> Lily: </em> im busy prying the gold tp holder from the wall...it’ll buy my textbooks next term</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i’ve no moral objections to that but hurry</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>Suffering</p><p><em> Lily: </em> u deserve no less for tricking me</p><p><em> Lily: </em> there’s a window im going to see if i can climb out</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: uhhhh so whats the code for ‘i’ve fully lost it and am hallucinating james potter standing in a field in Gloucestershire out the bathroom window’ </p><p><em> Lily: </em> did we ever make a code for that at all???</p><p><em> Marlene: …</em>not that i’m aware of </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> this is a very specific hypothetical scenario lily</p><p><em> Lily: </em> check snapchat</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> FUCK</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to</em> <em>Potter:</em> hey potter just unblocking you to ask why the FUCK i can see you from the bathroom window right now </p><p><em> James: </em>think you have the wrong man evans I’m literally in the middle of like the cotswolds rn lol </p><p><em> James: </em>seeing me when I’m not even there… I must be on your mind *angel emoji*</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no its definitely you that blue jumper looks fucking dumb on you</p><p><em> James: </em>wait what</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes: </em> fuck he’s coming for dinner </p><p><em> Mary: </em> he’s WHAT </p><p><em> Lily: </em> this isn’t happening </p><p><em> Lily: </em> fuck i gotta go </p><p><em> Alice: </em> keep us updated!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes: </em> he is druella de vil’s third cousin twice removed or whatever the fuck because of course he is </p><p><em> Alice: </em> does that mean Bertram and James are like<em>…</em> Related?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I mean yes! I Guess so! I don’t want to think about that!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> And so is sirius apparently he’s her nephew. thank fuck he's not here...lupin is tho</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i see they have the exact same aura</p><p><em> Lily: </em> apparently black despises them all and james is only here because his mum founded the cat charity she donates to</p><p><em> Alice: </em> How are you finding all of this out<em>…</em></p><p><em> Lily: </em> because she forced me to sit NEXT to him and now he’s telling me all his business as if i CARE </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> sure doesn’t sound like u care </p><p><em> Lily: </em> ok the cat charity IS amazing but thats his mums thing?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to auntie </em>: Auntie have ever heard of druella black? she seems the sort to run in your charity circles</p><p><em> Lily: </em> she’s Dorcas’s opinionated, insufferable bitchy boss</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> So you’ve met!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> auntie, how do I tolerate her? she’s insufferable! she has an opinion abt everything!! And she’s so patronising about it! Has been grilling Dorcas abt every detail of her rooms at her Gran’s, her internship. giving her SHIT advice by the way. I don’t think this woman has ever been told how awful her opinions are a day in her life</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I know she can be a challenge, dearest.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> She quoted her own poem at dinner, Auntie.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Quite a challenge.</p><p><em> Lily: </em>Well<em>…</em>how much does that relationship mean to you?</p><p><em> Minerva: </em>this is important to Dorcas. And, as I can only expect that you’re texting me from the loo, perhaps it’s time to leave your Sims and return to dinner.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> She’s not even the least of my worries, Auntie. Im so Stressed</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> The sooner you go to dinner, the sooner you can leave.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> wisdom for the ages</p><p><em>Minerva:</em> =^._.^=</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes: </em> does 'dear James' have any siblings that we’re aware of </p><p><em> Alice: …</em>are you in the toilet again </p><p><em> Lily: </em>!!!!!!!! your phone is on!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> I thought I’d better since the girls are alone</p><p><em> Marlene</em>: rude?</p><p><em> Marlene</em>: fair point tho</p><p><em> Alice: </em> I don’t mean any offence, love. and lily, /are you on the toilet again?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no </p><p><em> Lily: </em> i have my phone hidden under my napkin </p><p><em> Alice: </em> thats even worse</p><p><em> Alice: </em> but to answer your question I don’t think so, Frank never mentioned it if he does </p><p><em> Lily: </em> weird. Nvm </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> y</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> is there a potential hot sibling i could get in on??? boy or girl im not picky u know</p><p><em> Lily: </em> idk Cruella is asking about someone named Georgiana </p><p><em> Lily: </em> and James said that she composed a piece tht was played on Classic FM </p><p><em> Lily: </em> he sounded very proud </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> …You don’t have James on IG do u </p><p><em> Lily: </em> couldn’t bring myself to follow n didnt want to risk snooping after the fb incident</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> Georgiana is his cat Lily</p><p><em> Lily: </em> What the fuck </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> he does call her his sister in the captions tho </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> #georgianapotter</p><p><em> Lily: </em> what the Fuck</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> dont pretend like u arent going 2 go look at every post</p><p><em> Alice: </em> at least wait until dinner’s finished, dear</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Marlene<em> McKinnon to lyddy’s babes: </em>lil glad to see u survived dinner the other night but if ur snaps are to believed…are u playing mini golf with james potter?? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> He just. Turned up </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> y don’t you care that he’s stalking u??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Its a small town. Not much to do. Plus he’s got some mini golf moves, tbh, better than beating Dorcas for the fifth time </p><p><em> Mary: </em> how much mini golf have u played this week lil</p><p><em> Lily: </em> like i said. small town. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to</em> <em>deerhart:</em> where are you?? u left the shower running but arent in there????</p><p><em> Remus: </em>potter please tell me you went on a walk</p><p><em> Remus: </em> you did NOT go over there</p><p><em> James: </em>i did not go over where</p><p><em> Remus: </em> i can track your location mate</p><p><em> James: </em>its too late moony ive already rung the bell</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to lils: </em> hey lils come down u have a, uh, guest? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> ????? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> its not bertram is it??</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>just. come down  </p><p><em> Lily: </em> let me just save my game </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to no evanses, precious </em>: ladies we have a code</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>well actually i never gave a flying flip abt Lily’s codes but Potter just showed up and they’re in the living room…alone</p><p>
  <em> Dorcas: … </em>
</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>lmao why add me for gossip only to ignore me when i deliver it on a silver fucking platter?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em>i hate myself for knowing this but mary (still dead to me!) is practising for her big gig at the laundrette tonight, lydia is resting for our photoshoot at the park with the pigeons this afternoon, and alice is taking a tour guide training class </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>u should be embarrassed</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> i am</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>not as embarrassed as Potter should be tho this is awkward to eavesdrop on</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> it usually is but ur a hero for doing it</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>wait. Alice is becoming a guide at Longbottom’s museum????</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> the science museum next door. she didnt want to be ‘too forward’</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>oh God how embarrassing</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> you cant make fun of alice tho its not allowed</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>wouldnt dream of it. its just, Potter just said something terribly unfunny and lils giggle-snorted</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> not the first time</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>the first time i’ve heard it!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>she actually thinks hes funny. </p><p><em> Marlene </em>: yes</p><p><em> Dorcas </em>: Shit. she actually fancies him.</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> sad, isn’t it</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>shes going to be insufferable tonight</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> complaining or dissecting</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>both probably</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> at least she’s not gushing??</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>this is so depressing i cant listen anymore. it’s indecent</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> at least go outside &amp; film through the window in case they start snogging again</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Remus Lupin to</em> <em>deerhart:</em> well how did it go? need me to come pick u up in the golf cart?</p><p><em> James: </em>Horrendously. She laughed at me the entire bloody time.</p><p><em> James: </em>Why did you let me do that? What happened to bro code?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Bro code?</p><p><em> James: </em>marauder’s honour, then</p><p><em> Remus: </em> I didn’t 'let' you do anything</p><p><em> James: </em>you didnt handcuff me to the radiator</p><p><em> Remus: </em> forgot them!</p><p><em> James: </em> shit</p><p><em> Remus: </em> are you going to go again tomorrow?</p><p><em>Remus: </em> james?</p><p><em> James: </em>……</p><p><em> Remus: </em> right </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Sirius Black to</em> <em>the one without prongs:</em> he keeps rejecting my calls whats wrong </p><p><em> Remus: </em> guys</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Its getting dire </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> whats he doing?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> he keeps turning up at her mates house uninvited </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> that stupid fuck </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> nd u arent stopping him? Marauders honour lupin we protect our own???</p><p><em> Remus: </em> unless i handcuff him to a radiator idk how im supposed to do that</p><p><em>Sirius: </em> and why didnt u??</p><p><em> Remus: </em> left them at home</p><p><em> Peter: </em> damn!</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> i can ship u some</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to longbottom’s pretty mate: </em> why are ur mates here, Black?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> Here as in on this temporal plane, here? Who can say? Why are any of us here?</p><p><em> Dorcas </em>: so clever</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> want me to quote Nietzsche</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>not worth it</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> bye</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnin to lyddy’s babes</em>: did he show up today?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well, they did!</p><p><em> Mary: </em> potter being an arse??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> er, no</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> insufferable in any way???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> actually no</p><p><em> Lily: </em> hes actually not being anything</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> well thats something</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i have no idea what they mean by it tho</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> none at all?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I mean potter just sits there, silent, for minutes at a time. Remus and i talk about<em>…</em>whatever<em>…</em>and then they leave</p><p><em> Lily: </em> so weird, all of them. at least we aren’t arguing? he did try to explain that he's sometimes shy around new ppl? lmao. anyway im determined not to argue.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: also remus is actually fine? as clever as his words w/ friends suggests</p><p><em>Lily</em>: but the whole thing is effing Weird</p><p><em> Mary: </em> and you really have NO idea why they keep coming round?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> not a single reason off the top of ur head that would tempt them 2 visit?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i mean, obviously they’re obviously as bored as i am??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i almost dont mind it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> almost</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to no evanses precious: </em> is she playing dumb?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> i dont think so but shes not THAT clueless</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> well im not telling her this is 2 fucking funny</p><p><em> Mary: </em> agreed</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> im going back 2 ignoring u again now</p><p><em> Mary: </em> AGREED</p><p><em> Alice: </em> you two really ought to try and reconcile</p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to longbottom’s studious mate: </em>so why are u and Potter really here Lupin?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> hello</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>hi</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em> why are u and Potter really here</p><p><em> Remus: </em> is this dorcas</p><p><em>Dorcas</em>: yes</p><p><em>Dorcas</em>: why are u and Potter really here</p><p><em> Remus: </em> james needs the exercise hes getting fat</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>u arent very helpful</p><p><em> Remus: </em> well</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to jam pot </em>: prongs. james. jamie. jam. </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> gotta stop my man</p><p><em> James: </em>i know I have! but I can’t! i just keep going over and ogling at her! she’s not arguing but Idk whats happening to me! </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> oh james. You’re so fucking wet sometimes. </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> facetime me, babe</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to longbottom’s short mate: </em>for real Pettigrew why are Lupin and Potter here</p><p><em> Peter: </em>meadowes. to visit see james’s aunt, i’m told?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>his cousin u mean</p><p><em> Peter: </em> that’s what i said.</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>literally u didn’t</p><p><em> Peter: </em> they’re very close.</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>doesnt seem like it. but really, what's his deal? he’s obviously besotted with her</p><p><em> Peter: </em> his cousin?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>don’t get smart w me Pettigrew my patience is Thin</p><p><em> Peter: </em> point taken.</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>but really, what’s his deal</p><p><em> Peter: </em> i know u all think he’s like evil or something but he’s a really good mate.</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>is he paying you to say this</p><p><em> Peter: </em> nope!</p><p><em> Peter: </em> though he has offered to pay off one of my loans before<em>…</em></p><p><em> Peter: </em> and it wasn’t even a bribe!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>hmmmmm</p><p><em> Peter: </em> and he practically adopted sirius after his er, family issues<em>…</em></p><p><em> Dorcas: </em> interesting</p><p><em>Peter: </em> and he really came through for frank, didn’t text your mate for months!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>wait what </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em> why does Potter not talking to Lily make him a good friend to Longbottom?</p><p><em>Peter: …</em>actually</p><p><em> Peter: </em> never mind that last one!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em> peter?</p><p><em>Peter: </em> honestly it’s nothing<em>…</em>just looking out for a mate yknow?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>fuck</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>fucking fuck</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>there wasn’t a Butterfly exhibit at the Natural History Museum was there</p><p><em> Peter: </em> the butterfly exhibit was real! sirius knew a bloke<em>…</em></p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>but you lot pressured him to go, didnt you</p><p><em> Peter: </em> encouraged, at worst!!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>…</p><p><em> Peter: </em> damn please don’t tell him i told u!</p><p><em>Peter: </em> i promise he had good intentions…</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em> he?</p><p><em>Peter: </em> we?? </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>and what were these ‘good intentions’?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> u saw petunia’s fb status, she was loving it!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>so???? he wasn’t dating Pet was he</p><p><em> Peter: </em> WE thought she would have got into alice’s head u know? it would’ve ended badly for frank</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>hmm. don’t know if i can see it that way Pettigrew. IDK if Lily will either</p><p><em> Peter: </em> oh my god please dont tell lily<em>…</em></p><p><em> Peter: </em> they’ll be SO pissed!</p><p><em> Peter: </em> PLEASE?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> do u accept bribes?? apologies??? baked goods???</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>hoes before bros, sure u understand :/ </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to</em> <em>the one without prongs:</em> mates do i have any marauder’s honour favours to call in?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> no </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> u know you don’t m8  </p><p><em> Peter: </em> damn. can i have one anyway?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> what do you want?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> unconditional forgiveness?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> what have u done</p><p><em> Peter: </em> first off, it wasn’t my fault…</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Marauders: </em> lads, i almost died this morning</p><p><em>Remus:</em> druella almost ran over you with her golf cart, james. you’re literally fine.</p><p><em>James</em>: i am, but my life LITERALLY flashed before my eyes, lupin </p><p><em>Remus: </em> where are you btw?</p><p><em> James: </em>ive locked myself in a bathroom at an undisclosed location</p><p><em> James: </em>and ive turned off my gps</p><p><em> Remus: </em> this cant be good</p><p><em> James: </em>and no offence but im blocking u all temporarily so you cant talk me out of it, but i cant hide it any longer. If i die tomorrow tho ill always regret not telling her. so<em>…</em><em>…</em>im going to tell lily how i feel.</p><p><em> James: </em>well, im going to text her, but u get the point. I wish i was right next to her so we could snog??? But ive tried to talk to her 3x now and i cant get it out. </p><p><em> Remus: </em> prongs </p><p><em> Peter: </em> prongs! that is a BAD IDEA mate…</p><p><em> James: </em>self care is telling evans the truth</p><p>
  <em> James Potter has left the chat. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to lils: </em> Lils?</p><p><em>Lily: </em> Yes? </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>what’s that banging coming from ur room?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> It isn’t me</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Maybe this room is haunted </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>throwing ur phone at the wall again?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> HE’S JUST SUCH A SLIMY NASTY SCUMBAG DORCAS</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i know that Lils</p><p><em> Lily: </em> CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T DISLIKE HIM FOR LIKE .5 SECONDS?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO ALICE</p><p><em> Lily: </em> SHE’S AN ETERNAL BALL OF SUNSHINE AND HE’S A TOSSPOT </p><p><em> Lily: </em> I KNEW HE LIT THAT FIRE ON PURPOSE. AND BLEW UP THE FOUNTAIN!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i Know that Evans, i’ve already agreed with you</p><p><em> Lily: </em> WELL AGREE WITH ME AGAIN</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to the one without prongs: </em> lupin where is he</p><p><em> Remus: </em> i dont know ive looked literally everywhere</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> ur in the middle of nowhere how many buildings can there be</p><p><em> Remus: </em> want to hop on a train to come help me look??? u know im severely asthmatic and have to power walk everywhere</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> steal a bicycle</p><p><em> Remus: </em> funny</p><p><em> Peter: </em> stop arguing lads prongs is in mortal danger! </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> shut up pettigrew<em>…</em>you've lost your contributing-to-the-conversation privileges</p><p><em> Remus: </em> dont be a prick, sirius. but idk where to go next???</p><p><em> Peter: </em> what about the backup transmitter???</p><p><em> Remus: </em> he left his shoes in the bathroom and his watch next to the pond as a decoy</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> tricky bastard</p><p><em> Peter: </em> impressive tho!</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> not the time, pete</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> lupin. might i suggest the mini golf place? </p><p><em> Remus: </em> thats<em>…</em>actually pretty bril</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> get to it lupin. no pressure but his survival is literally in ur power-walking hands</p><p><em> Peter: </em> feet, technically speaking…</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> pettigrew</p><p><em> Peter: </em> sorry<em>…</em></p><p><em> Peter: </em> but also lol</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to lils: </em>why has it gone quiet</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>and why is that even more worrying</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>Lils?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>are u rereading old texts from Alice from when she was happy again?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>because you’ve already had to take an anadin for the rage headache so maybe it’s time to take it down a notch?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>have a bath? light a candle? </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>Evans what’s happening up there don’t make me break in</p><p><em> Lily: </em> potter just texted me </p><p><em> Lily: </em> serendipity</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>Lily NO</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to e </em> ♡<em>ans ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง </em> <em> : </em> evans</p><p><em> Lily: </em> potter</p><p><em> Lily: </em> potter ive been watching the little … of you typing and deleting texts for three minutes now do you have something to say???</p><p><em> James: </em>fuck, fine</p><p><em> James: </em>i cant keep lying to you, evans. I’ve got to just. Say it. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> Say it then???</p><p><em> James </em>: i’ve been at war for months now, since I met you really. And i fancy you Evans</p><p><em>James</em>: a lot.</p><p><em>James</em>: Despite everything!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> despite what specifically?</p><p><em> James: </em>Well, you know<em>...</em> the volatile twitter tirades, the rushes to judgement, the ENDLESS grudge holding over shit that happened ages ago and has nothing to do with you</p><p><em> James</em>: and the short stature complex you’ve got going on </p><p><em> James</em>: (which is actually very cute!)</p><p><em> Lily: </em> is that ALL potter? </p><p><em> Lily </em>: thought ‘being at war’ w yourself for months there’d be more to it than that?</p><p><em> James: </em>well we can agree that your terrible sister and desperate housemates are also barriers to us having a successful go of it?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> wow! You like me despite all that? I’m a lucky girl.</p><p><em> James: </em>yes! as you can see its a problem!</p><p><em> James</em>: so go out w/ me, evans?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fuck, potter, I’m sorry that my existence is such a dilemma for you</p><p><em> James: </em>i didnt mean it like that, evans, and you Know it. </p><p><em>James</em>: (also the deliberately misinterpreting me at every turn!) (not as cute!)</p><p><em> James: </em>Well??? Will you go out with me??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no.</p><p><em> James: </em>that’s all you have to say?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> 1. No is a complete sentence</p><p><em> Liy. </em>2. I’m not sure I owe you much more on a good day</p><p><em> Lily: </em> 3. especially after you’ve just thoroughly insulted me and my friends? </p><p><em> James: </em>you’d rather i lie and pretend like ur perfect? Ur not and thats...FINE. because i like you anyway! i’d rather know your flaws! we all have issues</p><p><em>Lily</em>: clearly i have issues, uve been kind enough to point them out?</p><p><em> Lily: </em>dont worry tho Im not saying no because of that, potter. i’d have said no anyway, now I just don’t have to feel bad about it. </p><p><em> James </em>: rude, evans! what have I ever done to u personally??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> /I’m/ being rude??? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> potter. why in the hell d’you think i’d say yes to the fuckboi who hurt my best mate??? Arrogant prick. i have EVERY reason to despise you, potter. alice and frank were bloody in love and you sent frank off to london to break them up before they got started???</p><p><em>James: </em>it wasn’t like that</p><p><em>Lily: </em>and I suppose setting fire to your own mates house wasn’t like that, either</p><p><em>Lily</em>: or blowing up the fountain to subvert their kiss?</p><p><em> Lily: </em>or kicking an innocent cat?</p><p><em> James: </em>Why are you once again bringing snape into this?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> What in the hell does he have to do with anything?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Actually, don’t answer that, I don’t care</p><p><em> Lily: </em> actually, speaking of???</p><p><em>Lily</em>: he TOLD me abt the sick shit you did to him at school</p><p><em> James: </em>did he</p><p>Lily: yes, potter! and i wld give the benefit of the doubt abt that bc snape is a complete slime ball, but so! are! you!</p><p><em>Lily</em>: and aside from all of that<em>…</em>your shitty manners? making fun of everyone in tiddlestout? ur arrogance, selfishness n disregard for ANYONE who isnt one of ur best mates?</p><p><em>Lily</em>: every step of the way, u have completely appalled me, potter. u NEVER 'mean it' and yet u always manage to come off as creepy, or rude, or completely fucking shitty. miracle, that.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: please know i wldnt go out w/ u if it was a choice between u and bertram's putrid argyle socks!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> BLOCKED</p><p><em> Lily: </em> forever this time, not just for fun</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Remus Lupin to the one without prongs: </em> lads. I found him @ the mini golf trying to drown himself in the fountain</p><p><em> Peter: </em> don’t let him look at her twitter.</p><p><em> Remus: </em> its okay he threw his phone in the fountain too </p><p><em> Peter: </em> oh good!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> @heavensevans tweeted: </em> I just want it to be known that @<em>theonlyjpotter</em> is the last man in the world i'd ever date or fuck bc apparently that wasn’t clear. KthxBYEeeeee</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to lils: </em> idk what exactly happened with potter but ive left tea by your door</p><p><em> Lily: </em> thank u but i dont want tea i want u</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>Evans,</p><p>If any situation deserved a hand-written letter, I suppose this is it. I’m not going to ask you out again, don't worry. Remus told me you've blocked me on everything, including linkedin (?). Which, I suppose I deserve. You accused me of, well, a lot of things, but I need to set the record straight on three of them—your friend, Mr Wickham, and Mr Wickham’s owner. (I’ve rewritten this about fifty times so I hope you don’t burn it before giving it a read.)</p><p>First, the most important to you: Alice. I know it’s shit reasoning to you, but I was trying to help Frank. While it's not really my dirty laundry to air, you could find the article easily enough, so I’ll tell you that Frank was swindled once before by a woman after him for his money. He's so trusting and I couldn’t stand the idea of that happening again. And Lily, I’m not implying that you… Obviously you and Alice have NEVER said anything like that. But your mates (and your sister especially) were carrying on about how rich he is, and how good that would be for them. That FB post especially. Well. We wondered if they'd gotten to Alice after all? As someone who clearly loves her friends very much, I hope you can understand why I’m so protective of mine. Alice never said anything that made me think she really liked him seriously. As I watched them, he seemed to be more into her than she was into him. I didn’t think she’d be hurt by us staying in London. I was clearly wrong on that count. For me, there’s no better motive than wanting to help your mates, so I stand by it.</p><p>Wickham, on the other hand, is an easier crossword to solve. I didn’t figure it out until your comment about Snape yesterday. It seems like this entire Wickham thing has maybe been a miscommunication? Lily, I was never slagging off Mr Wickham on your ig! Or ever! He’s a cat, and none of its /his fault. It’s his greasy prick of an owner I have a problem with, but I know you’ve already been acquainted with Severus Snape. Yes, <span class="u">that</span> Snape. Much as I hate him, I would never take it out on his cat. I love cats! I was raised with our housecat as my sister, no lie, we had adjacent cots. And my Mum has this amazing shelter, Pemberley. Anyway...last summer Snape tried to use Wickham to lure Georgiana away. We think to try and breed her, which is creepy and also irresponsible cat ownership. Also she is elderly and has been spayed for many years? None of it make sense, but I know he's associated with that Riddle fellow and...</p><p>Anyway, I was obviously offended when I saw you doting over Wickham, but only because I thought you were hanging out with Snape. And okay, yes I was snooping and found out you were on the debate team together. But you’ve done your fair share of snooping as well, Ms. Goodreads. </p><p>As for Snape himself, I can only imagine the shit he told you about our school days. I’ll own it—I was a prick to him. An absolute prick. However, I was a kid and it went both ways, I swear it. He was really into some dark, sick shit. Hanging out with some messed up people. If you were mates with him, you know what I’m talking about. He never missed a chance to take a go at me, and I wasn’t about to take that lying down, ya feel? I loathed him, but it was entirely mutual. </p><p>And the thing is that I would never, and I mean NEVER, want him (or anyone else) dead. I’m not proud of what happened with Snape in school, yeah? I can’t share everything about what happened, because again it’s not mine to tell, but Sirius made a terrible mistake and told Snape how to get into that building. The minute I found out I hustled arse to get him out. And I did. And he was<em>…</em>okay. He survived. I know he hates me for it, and some days I wish I could regret it, but there you go. It’s done. And I thought we’d gone our separate ways after school. Was happy with the idea never to see the prick again, but I was sure fucking wrong.</p><p>I’ll have to square with all the other stuff you said about me, Lily, but I did want to set the record straight on Snape and Alice. I’m not sure how you’re supposed to sign off letters but, thanks for reading? I guess? </p><p>(Now you can burn it. I’ve enclosed a match for this purpose.)</p><p>Oh and also, you might think this is all bullocks, but Remus can verify any of it. We both know he’s a better person than me, even if you scare him a bit.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> James </em>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Dorcas Meadowes to lils’ horny mate: </em> how is she?</p><p><em>Marlene: </em> a bit weird</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> but mostly fine i think</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>ok good. I felt negligent for sending her on the train alone</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>wait. weird how? </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> yesterday she tried 2 act like she’d forgotten potter’s last name  </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> then spent an hour n a half stalking his fb back years &amp; openly weeping</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> n THEN asked the group chat if we think cats can sense whether their owners souls are going 2 heaven or hell </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> so there’s that </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>and that’s ‘mostly fine’??</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> its lily</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>point taken</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>everything alright lil?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> hmm?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> saw your tweets last week</p><p><em> Lily: </em>yeah i took those down</p><p><em> Alice: </em> was giving you some space, lil. but what happened?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i really dont want to talk about it al.</p><p><em> Alice: </em> was potter a prick to you? Im not quite sure how to punch someone properly but you did give me those lessons, so</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i love you al. and im fine.</p><p><em> Alice: </em> i believe you</p><p><em> Lily: </em> so we can drop it?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> talk or im coming home</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you can’t! Your tours!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> then spill so i dont have to. u havent posted a rant in days</p><p><em> Lily: </em>i think my twitter rant days are over actually</p><p><em> Alice: </em> lily</p><p><em> Lily: </em>FINE. what if like, potter didn’t deserve to be punched after all?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> I think that’s been my stance from the beginning? I was mostly offering for moral support</p><p><em> Lily: </em> al, this is about my own personal journey.</p><p><em> Alice: </em> stop listening to that self actualization podcast babe ur already perf</p><p><em> Alice </em>: actually, go on<em>…</em></p><p><em> Lily: </em>okay, what if...</p><p><em>Lily</em>: what if some (just some!) of the stuff i assumed about potter was wrong? dont get me wrong he’s still a delinquent, rich arsehole with a hubris problem and no direction in life, but maybe hes not as scummy as i thought</p><p><em> Alice: </em> what exactly happened between you two??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> loads of stuff! He sent me a letter</p><p><em> Alice: </em> like a /real letter?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yah</p><p><em> Alice: </em> pic?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no! I mean. Its personal, al</p><p><em> Alice: </em> ha</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i mean it has stuff about his mates</p><p><em> Alice: </em> well i certainly don’t want to pry into their personal affairs</p><p><em> Lily: </em> idk what to make of it though. he could be lying about everything? What if hes a sociopath. </p><p><em> Alice: </em> hes not, lily. the rich delinquent w/ a hubris problem stands though</p><p><em> Lily: </em> what if my intuition about people is broken? I mean first snape, who i thought was okay and turned out to be scum, and now potter, who thought was shit and maybe isn’t<em>…</em>quite so shit.  </p><p><em> Alice: </em> lily, your judgment in people isnt off. Look at your amazing friends</p><p><em> Lily: </em> tru</p><p><em> Alice: </em> I mean sometimes you do rush to judgment? but i love that about you! do you believe the letter?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i cld fact check it w/ remus but i dont think i could stomach it if he tells potter i cared enough to do so</p><p><em> Lily </em>: and the letter did seem sincere. maybe the most sincere he’s ever been?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> also do you care enough to fact check?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> dont push it, al. im just saying maybe hes not so scummy.</p><p><em> Alice: </em> well that’s progress, then</p><p><em> Lily: </em> progress?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> i mean, i dont want you to waste any energy thinking negatively about anyone, lil. Its bad for your aura.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i see uve been listening to that podcast yourself!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> I barely have time to breathe, lil, but of course you rub off on me in a good way &lt;3</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i shld let you get back to work</p><p><em> Alice: </em> but im here to talk about this more?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> its Fine</p><p><em> Alice: </em> mar said you’re acting weird</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i hate it when you two share notes</p><p><em> Alice: </em> only bc we love you. And this potter thing, whatever it is? It’ll sort itself out</p><p><em> Lily: </em> there’s no potter thing!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> right. Well I really should get back to work actually. I've got training and lunch and about a billion things going on, but if you want to talk I’m here, ok? It might take me a few hours to check in though…</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Al, you’re lovely but go and enjoy the museum, yeah? Im fine</p><p><em> Alice: </em> xo</p><p><em> Lily: </em> xxxxoooooo</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to x-factor reject: </em>listen. i think we shld bury the hatchet</p><p><em> Mary: </em> so NOW you want to talk???</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> have u noticed lil’s been more peaky than usual?? </p><p><em> Mary </em>: yes!</p><p><em> Marlene </em>: have u talked to her about it?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> i thought you’d talked to her about it??</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> she must be devastated abt mr wickham. she burned his leash in the sink the other day</p><p><em> Mary: </em> i found his ceramic bowl in the bin in about a thousand pieces</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> intervention</p><p><em> Mary: </em> the greater cause. we’re cool. what were we even fighting abt???</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> u creating multiple fake accounts just to attack my daughter??</p><p><em> Mary: </em> right</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> doesn’t matter. lily is more important than our personal dramas</p><p><em> Mary: </em> VERY grown up of you, mar!</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> i still might shave ur head in your sleep? undecided</p><p><em> Mary: </em> fair. but that could be an edgy new look, was thinking about rebranding anyway</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> going to gloss over that but mary, i WAS a shit friend<em>…</em>i let lydias fame get to my head &amp; im sorry. &amp; ill do better </p><p><em> Mary: </em> and?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> ill b more supportive of your singing thing?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> thing?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> your singing career. ill b more supportive of your singing career.</p><p><em> Mary: </em> ok</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> ice cream sundae party &amp; buzzfeed unsolved marathon?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> perf</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> ur buying tho</p><p><em> Mary: </em> why would i do that when we can use the emergency visa?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 8. Frog Curlers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>To: petunia.dursley@gmail.com</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From: okcupid@rescubscribe.okcupid.com</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Date: March 23rd</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Subject: Don’t let the love of your life pass you by!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dear Lily Evans,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having a difficult time escaping those post-Valentine’s day blues? Swiping right not satiating the endless void in your soul? No luck meeting that special someone at the laundrette? It’s time to reactivate your account because you have </span>
  <b>twenty-three </b>
  <span>unread messages!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remember that at OKCupid, you’re more than just a photo. You have stories to tell, passions to share, and things to talk about more interesting than the weather. Get noticed for who you are, not what you look like. Because you deserve what dating deserves: better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sincerely,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The OKCupid Team</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(If you by some miracle have found the love of your life without our assistance, click HERE to unsubscribe.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon to lyddy’s babes</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Hey Lil? You going to come out of ur room at any point today?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m studying for exams </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I can hear sims music </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I listen to it for ambiance </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Okay well the girls are going to defrost one of Petunia’s farewell lasagnes later so join them if you fancy it yeah</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia Potter to Min:</span>
  </em>
  <span> This is getting out of hand!! Sirius tells me James is in a right state. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> My intelligence says the same of Lily. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hate to plot n scheme but our intervention is required,,,we’ve let this go on for FAR too long!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You love this sort of thing, actually!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Can’t believe you remember our old school shenanigans lol</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Of course I do. You’ve a brilliant mind for scheming! How do you feel about a pair of visitors in April?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Splendid!! Three or four days ought to do the trick, just name the dates Xx</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia Dursley to McGonagall, Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Aunt Minerva, are you terribly busy?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I am busy, dearest, but not terribly so. How’s married life?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Wonderful! The decorator comes with curtain samples next week! And every morning I pack a picnic for two and go to Vernon’s office for lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lovely.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> That’s not why I’m writing though. Truth be told, I’m worried about Lily (don’t mention this to her please). She seems...rather less combative than usual lately.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Oh?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I forwarded an OKCupid subscription renewal notice to her yesterday and she didn’t even respond. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> And you know how she never misses an opportunity to aggravate my nerves! (Recall that horrid cat prank!) But last night she didn't mention it at all, just thanked me for the lasagna and asked if I could send her the Pin for the recipe. Unusual, no?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> That is a departure from the Lily we know and love. Perhaps she’s maturing?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Please. I think she’s depressed about that dratted cat.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> It is worrying. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Indeed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Would it be accurate to say that you, worried for your sister, tested her by sending that email?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Don’t get carried away, Aunt Minerva! She ought to renew that subscription, of course I had to forward it. That’s an expense I don’t want to explain to Vernon. (Besides, it could be a bad investment. Who would want her if she lets herself go?)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well then.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I’ve also noticed that Lily has been rather subdued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Minerva</em>: Although it’s been several weeks since that Gloucestershire unpleasantness, I’d rather hoped she’d have perked up by now. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Do you know what happened in Gloucestershire?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> She’s been rather vague on the details, but I have heard it had something to do with the Potter boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Horrible boy, I advised her to stay well away from him!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’ve been thinking I might invite her for a hiking trip over her Easter holiday. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva</span>
  </em>
  <span>: The outdoors are very refreshing, you know. Just the thing to help her feel nice and rejuvenated for her upcoming exams. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> That sounds like the sort of thing she’d like.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You are also invited, of course.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I can’t, Aunt Minerva, I’m a married woman now. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I understand, dearest.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You singles have fun though!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Have a wonderful day. Enjoy your picnic!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Well, lil. How’s the Peak District? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im disgusting but so happy right now actually. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> :)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> can’t believe I only saw you for like a day before we left? but its just SO great to be w/out the girls’ drama. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily: </em>or boys. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily: </em>or anything but a path in the woods and Aunt M’s spare hiking stick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: Bugs are shit tho and i do miss my sims</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> aunt m holding up?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im struggling to keep up with her actually</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> badass</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> have I mentioned she’s one of my fave people on earth?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> twice this week, but she IS amazing so no worries</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we’re off to tour ‘somewhere special’ after lunch, shes really excited to see an old friend? being weirdly vague about it though</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she wouldn’t steer you wrong</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to Dear Aunt M:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she’s getting suspicious. I’m not sure shes going to like this actually. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Stewing in her resentments is only making her feel worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> still...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alice, dear, you've told me how torn up she is about all of this (even though she'll deny it until she's blue in the face). I’ve known Potter, albeit from a distance, since he was a boy. I don’t see why she objects to him so fiercely.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’s rich, for one</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> That’s rather snobby of her then. I’m rich, and she loves me. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Everyone loves you though</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well now.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and she finds him rather conceited</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well that’s certainly true. Although our Lily has her own issues as well. They’re rather suited for each other, don’t you think? Same sense of humor and penchant for theatrics, at any rate.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I did keep this a secret, didn’t I? I just...feel terrible lying to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sometimes the best medicine is confronting our issues head on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> SHES A FAULTY GPS THAT STEERED ME INTO A BLOODY LAKE.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> actually just to the potters’ luxe cat shelter next to the lake but thats worse??? pemberley???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oh dear, how terrible</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You aren’t properly upset about this. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m sorry?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ALICE</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> your texts look guilty</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> they don’t i promise</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alice</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: hmm?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: ALICE HOPKINS, did you know about this????</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alice: darn it! Will you ever forgive me if I say yes?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Betrayed by the two people I trusted above anybody else </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I WILL NEVER TRUST AGAIN </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lily, stop being so dramatic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lily: dramatic???? alice you betrayed me. you CONSPIRED AGAINST ME.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: I think this will be good for you. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> NEVER SEEING HIM AGAIN WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> His terrible, misjudged confession of love aside, what do we actually hate about him at this point? Didn’t we decide we believed his letter?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> 90% at best. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: well then? </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: he's so...rich! this place is insane</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: aunt M is rich, and you love her</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: unfair!! Anyway it’s awkward! And embarrassing! And I feel guilty! And I’m still pissed off! And I don’t know I just dont WANT see him!! And he’s still an arrogant prick with a hubris problem!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Okay Lily one emotion at a time </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Im going to die.  Hows that for an emotion</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ur aunt wont let u die. You’ll be fine</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well i cant trust her rn can i? If I drown in a lake its partially ur fault</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> damn, this shelter is nicer than our flat or any flat we’ll ever live in alice</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> meow</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva McGonagall to Darling Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Euphemia is charmed by our Lily, of course. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> everyone is charmed by our lily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: well, most people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: well, the ones that count!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> true.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Are you on the tour right now?? just want to know if i can check it off my list yet</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Halted. Ephie is tending to an emergency so we’re waiting until it’s resolved.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> the question is, is lily charmed by mrs potter?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> everyone is also charmed by Euphemia, dear.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> In truth, Lily does seem to be enjoying herself. Mostly because we have been informed the young Potter will not be here until tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> but i thought?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Falsehoods, of course, but it’s put Lily quite at ease.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> so clearly you haven’t told her the Rest of the plan</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I think it best to ease her into it, don’t you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im not responsible when this goes off the rails</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Of course.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to auntie</span>
  </em>
  <span>: do you keep texting my ex-best-mate?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Of course not, dearest. I’m coaching your sister through a baking crisis.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> did she binge bake off again and convince herself she’s not a disaster in the kitchen?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Indeed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im not sure how james fleamont (!!) potter was spawned by this angel woman, but the eyes don’t lie</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> eyes?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> he has her eyes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> interesting that you have his eyes memorised</span>
</p><p><em><span>Lily:</span></em><span> ALICE!</span> <span>it’s not like that. She has his portrait hanging in the office. She asked if i thought he was handsome!</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and what did you say?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> She’s a very lovely woman, Alice. I couldn’t tell her that her son is ugly. It wouldn’t be right. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> clearly</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to looney tuney</span>
  </em>
  <span>: How are those macarons coming?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I don’t know what you’re talking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> lol ok, tuney. have fun!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia Potter to Jamsikins: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Listen I know I just sent you and your brothers away for the weekend,,,</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>very rudely too, mum!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Keys to the Benz and London flat are hardly rude, darling!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>fair point. what’s up? we just got to Town</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well I hate to do this to u but there’s an emergency and I need you back. just you though</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>what level of emergency?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m sorry?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>dont play coy mum</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James</span>
  </em>
  <span>: is this like ‘which shoes for the party’ level of emergency or ‘jamesie darling dont panic but i think i may have broken my ankle because i insisted on getting up on the step stool (yet again) despite your many (!!) warnings instead of just asking for help’ type emergency? </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>James</em>: because there are levels to this sort and if it's the step stool again, MUM</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia</span>
  </em>
  <span>: That happened one time!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James</span>
  </em>
  <span>: two times!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia</span>
  </em>
  <span>: It was only broken once though jamsie xo. Stop being so dramatic. The other was a complete false alarm!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Anyway the emergency is that a new batch of kittens just came in, and Elizabeth is sick and Daniel has that wedding. And my old school friend is in town so I'm hosting her tonight, remember? And I’m SORRY to do this to you but can you please come back for an overnight? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>can't </span>
  <span>adam do it?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Would I REALLY be asking this of you if it wasn’t an emergency?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James:</span>
  </em>
  <span> something smells fishy mum</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> That’s the cat food still on your fingers James. The boys can stay there, no sense in dragging them back for an overnight. I’m in a pinch and you’d be helping your old mum. And then you can still have your lads’ weekend starting tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>already purchased a ticket, just winding u up. be back in a few hours &lt;3</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I still don’t trust it though</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Love you darling, see you in a bit Xx</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva McGonagall to Darling Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lily just confessed that she finds Potter unreasonably fit.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> is that an exact quote?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Indeed. And as planned, Euphemia has invited us to Potter Manor for lunch. Please remember to ring the hotel to have our things sent.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s already done.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Thank you, dearest.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> you’re enjoying this too much</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tell me you aren’t as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ...keep me updated</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva McGonagall to </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>✴ </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>favourite niece </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>✴</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I don’t want to distract you from the kitten room, but I forgot to add that I forbid you from teasing your sister about her baking mishap.</span>
</p><p><em><span>Lily:</span></em> <span>¯\_(ツ)_/¯</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva McGonagall to Effie P</span>
  </em>
  <span>: The portrait was a nice touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I do excel at this, don’t I?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Are you nearly done with your ‘crisis’? She’s starting to get antsy.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> He’s en route.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I didn’t expect to enjoy this so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> As the Boys would say Min,,,welcome to the dark side! LOL</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> sooo we are going to potter manor for lunch apparently</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oh?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> did you know about that as well???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i did not actually</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> you wouldn’t lie to me twice in one day, would u alice???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i would definitely not. You know how i feel about that sort of thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> *heart emoji*</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you going to go?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> of course I am? May as well satisfy that curiosity...not like he’s going to be there</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to Dorcas!</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I think i’m going to hell?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>it’s for her own good. we’ve endured this insanity for months.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> easy for you to say, you’re ‘so busy with work’ that she’s not texting you</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>i AM busy. her name is Stacia</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> good for you! Also though i could definitely use your help on this one</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>stay strong!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> So i know that we hate the rich and james is bourgeois scum </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ‘We’? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> but DAMN this house is nice </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> like huge pillars, marble statues, imperial staircases nice </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> P sure there’s a ballroom somewhere </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> And plot twist, Georgiana REALLY does have a grand piano </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> And his bedroom has this INCREDIBLE view out over the woodlands and its so green and beautiful </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Interesting to kno u were in his bedroom. noted</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mind out of the gutter pls Al, you’re starting to sound like me</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> It was just part of the tour </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I BET he’d like to give u a tour ;) </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> see I just don’t have ur innuendo skills </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> update: im in the twlight zone??? lunch was lovely of course. but then i toured the town &amp; every single person in this town is in love with potter </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: this is a problem?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: idk how he's tricked them all???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> every single person...like who?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> the woman at the food shop. Every single bloody shelter volunteer. the butler (!?) at lunch. why would they all say these things about him? What’s their motivation?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> perhaps...he’s actually a nice bloke?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> he could have paid them all off</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily</span>
  </em>
  <span>: anyway we’re staying for supper too?? ugh</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>Alice Hopkins to</span></em> <em><span>Dear</span></em> <em><span>Aunt M:</span></em><span> Could I have an update, please? Lil’s texts stopped awhile ago…</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well, she took a walk on the grounds after supper and...hold on.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yes! Now she’s in the garden with a very flustered young Potter.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> The little garden tete-a-tete is Ephie’s stroke of brilliance. That woman is a force to be reckoned with.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> They’re in the garden, then? Strangling each other?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Er, no. Visiting. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva: </span>
  </em>
  <span>She is also very flustered. Delightful!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Forgive me Aunt M, but that’s rather unlike you. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> That is very like me with a few glasses of wine, dear. Ephie practically forced them on me. Now he’s asking about her frog curlers for the third time! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Frog curlers? Are you sure?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hmmmm. Actually, no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Minerva</em>: Forgive us, Euphemia is terrible at lip reading!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Erm, Aunt Minerva? Where are you that you can hear what they’re saying?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oh we can’t hear them darling. Not even Fleamont’s old hearing aids would help us from this distance,,,don’t be silly! Lip reading as Min said. Keep up!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sorry for my language, but what in the hell is going on?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oh how rude of me. This is Euphemia! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Euphemia, Potter’s mum?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> The one and only! I'm sure you've heard good things about me, no? Min’s better at reading lips than I am apparently,,,or so she says!! Horsewash if you ask me.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> And where are you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> On the second floor drawing room balcony, dear! Keep up.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Although of course you wouldn't know that would you? We’ve got a pair of Fleamont’s old birding binoculars. I’m nothing if not resourceful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Minerva</em>: Oh! He just asked about you dear (James that is) and your friends! Thoughtful boy. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> To clarify, you and Aunt Minerva are tipsy on a balcony, spying on James and Lily during this interaction you orchestrated, delighting in their misery, and eavesdropping on them by lip-reading via birding binoculars?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well it sounds untoward when you phrase it like that! I thought you were in on our little Intervention??? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ...you two are the masterminds here, obviously.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Drat. They’ve walked off! </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Minerva</em>: Excuse me darling it was lovely to chat but min's demanding her phone back Xx</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hello, it’s Minerva again. Forgive Euphemia, please. She’s had far too much wine.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Clearly that’s the only thing wrong with this picture?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I do have to say dear, that as much as I detest the drama you girls get up to, this is rather fun. We’re off to arrange a little adventure for them tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’ll leave you to it, then. Good night!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice: </span>
  </em>
  <span>And no driving!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon to lyddy’s babes</span>
  </em>
  <span>: hey lils i spilled nail varnish on ur yellow topshop dress</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> &amp; a buckle on the red fuck me heels fell off</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> also i accidentally saved over ur sims game when I was snooping on ur laptop</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> @ mary told u she was awol </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> damn </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> what is she even getting distracted by up there??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> big rocks?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m sure she has plenty to keep her entertained. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Marlene McKinnon to no evanses, precious</em>: </span>
  <span>… Al do u know something we don’t </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> IS SHE TEXTING U OUT OF THE GC </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> IS THAT WHY U KEEP GRINNING AT UR PHONE </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> this is treason </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> .. No. And if she was, I wouldn’t be at liberty to say</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> TREASON</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry was out for a walk</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> wish you were here!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> same</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ive never seen my aunt so tipsy apparently we have to stay the night now?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Aunt Minerva???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes. i’d be embarrassed but Potter’s mum is further gone than she is</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> omg</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> apparently theyre best mates from boarding school but havent seen each other in ages??? redgrove alum its like a bloody cult</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> so what are you up to for the rest of your night?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Im exhausted and Im going to bed. Honestly. I have...things to tell you, but not tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sleep well Xo</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary Macdonald to alice &lt;3: </span>
  </em>
  <span>pls tell me whats happening??? i WONT wont tell mar I swear</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oh Mary. You always tell Mar</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> before i go to sleep?? how are you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m good! London was fun and all but its nice to be home. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I actually missed hearing Mary sing through the bedroom wall, believe it or not</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Im gonna go with Or Not </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> glad ur happy tho!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and how are you feeling about Starts With An F Sounds Like Plank</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m over it! Clearly, it just wasn’t meant to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I hardly even think about him anymore</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I don’t think I’d recognise him if I walked past him on the street. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i have my suspicious face on</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> but I’m glad you’re feeling better </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we’re having a sex and the city marathon and pizza night when I’m back its been too long </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i’ll look forward to it xo</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon to human sunshine emoji</span>
  </em>
  <span>: hey Alice</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Nope</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i wont tell mary! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I know u wont as there’s nothing to tell :-)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to ily evans:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hey Lils. Just checking you made it through the night</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I made it! I have some interesting intel, actually</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oh yes? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I got up for a glass of water at 6am and saw Potter already awake, cleaning out litter trays </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> which is just… Suspicious no?  What is he UP TO </span>
</p><p><em><span>Alice:</span></em><span> James</span> <span>is there?</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> nice try I’m not stupid. ran into him last night, was terribly awkward. he didn't bring up the letter though thank God</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …. well he’s probably Helping out his mum, I would assume? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> waking up early to do grunt work doesn’t seem very Potter-like</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Have you considered the possibility that you don’t actually know him as well as you seem to think you do? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> stop being so sensible </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> but I suppose you’re right</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily:</em> maybe he isn’t ENTIRELY self-centered</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> :) </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i’m going for a walk to clear my head</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> very sensible</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> —</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius Black to the one without prongs:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fyi mum got sloshed last night nd said she needs prongs there all weekend? also she Banned us from contacting him? lmao</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> that woman is up to no good</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its to get him and lily to sort things out. she was at the shelter yesterday and will be staying at the house for a few days with them?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> how do u know these things?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she apparently only trusts my intelligence</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> damn that woman!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> has he even texted anyone since last night?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> he has, sirius? He hasnt texted me</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fine. no</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> mates...maybe we should just let them be? our interventions haven’t exactly helped things between them, u know? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> speak for ur own betrayal, pete. my catwalk was a work of genius</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I dont think hes going to stop fancying her mate. better to just let it sort itself out.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i thought it had?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> pads, do you really want to be dealing w/ prongs right now? Can you imagine?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fucking fine. point taken</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius</span>
  </em>
  <span>: but if it hasnt happened in 2 days its not going to and im going home</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> codependent much??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> shush, betrayer</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> one mistake!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> anyway we have the tourney this weekend, she’ll be long gone by then</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im dead</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> your ghost is an excellent texter</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> u remember that first pic of potter we ever saw???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> the shirtless snap w/ water cascading town his naked torso u have saved on ur phone that im not supposed to know about</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> wow stalker but if such a pic existed...yes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im pleased to report that i was right. It was a gross misrepresentation</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> even worse than you thought then?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> terrible!! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> honestly it was so rude. I was taking an early morning stroll. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> as we’d discussed, yes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes. The lake was pretty at sunset but i wanted to see the sunrise?? Anyway he has the audacity to be like, swimming in the lake. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> how dare he swim in his own lake</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Shirtless! Who does that?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> id be more concerned if he was swimming fully clothed</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i dont trust it but ok. apparently he takes an early morning swim. which, he probably saw me walking and decided to strip off and jump in the lake</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> was he wearing trunks?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes, but still</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> this is worse than i thought</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> al i couldnt stop staring how can i ever face him again</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> still the last man u could ever date or fuck?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> why do i tell you anything</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice</span>
  </em>
  <span>: technically you told Everyone</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> alice! </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: hes still an immature toerag! Just like...a fit one</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: this was the lake where he broke his wrist on a hoverboard over christmas, fyi, mystery solved. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> well id better go im apparently getting a tour of the shelter today</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i thought you had one yesterday??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> but this one is like, with potter</span>
</p><p><em><span>Lily:</span></em><span> dont smirk at your phone like that, alice.</span> <span>it’d be rude to say no! plus i get to pet cats all morning how can i resist that? he is exploiting my greatest weakness it's Unfair</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ps if u mention this in the group chat i disown you furrever</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> sealed</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus Lupin to padfoot:</span>
  </em>
  <span> stop trying to facetime him and go back to sleep</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im not?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus</span>
  </em>
  <span>: i can literally hear u padfoot</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’s not answering anyway, is he?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck off lupin</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to Dear Aunt M:</span>
  </em>
  <span> How are you feeling today, Aunt Minerva?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Quite unwell actually.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ok well i just wanted to tell u she saw potter half naked and wants to jump his bones</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> (that means they want to have sex)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Context clues, dear. I understood. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i just thought you’d like to know</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Thank you. Although I had observed the phenomenon firsthand yesterday</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well yes of course, but she ADMITTED it. Which is progress</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I...that is progress indeed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and there’s no need to plot this morning...they’re voluntarily spending the morning together at the shelter. So unless you feel the need to spy on them you can sleep in, rest up.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m up</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I'm not up but I’ll message Ephie</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Thanks for the check-in Alice. Enjoy your creative writing workshop today!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia Potter to Min:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Listen. Never let me drink again</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> They went to the shelter.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Who??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> The children!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> On their own?? Bless them.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Apparently she saw him swimming</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Knew his exhibitionist ways would pay off some day! We should keep an eye on them though.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> We aren't going to the shelter to do it in person, right? Because I am not leaving this bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Heavens, no. The staff are prepared to spy for bonuses!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon to no evanses, precious:</span>
  </em>
  <span> so hows everything going with aunt minerva’s plan???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> how d’you know about that???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she didn’t until now...thanks for confirming *kiss emoji*</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Girls. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> nice try, alice. black's snapchat is suspiciously devoid of potter</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Okay fine she’s with James but promise me you’ll behave </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> The only reason I didn’t tell you is because I think she’d benefit from some time to think things through </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alone</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> without any Corrupting Outside Influences</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we promise!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ive never been called a corrupting outside influence before. im flattered</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> but fine we wont say anything. at least keep us updated?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …yes, fine. But only if you keep to your end of the deal </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> thats fine we had plans today anyway</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> oh?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we’re going to stand outside the gym and marlene’s going to enlist some ‘hot blokes’ to help us look for mr wickham</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> good to see you two back together</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> on the con side he is entirely too in love with puns</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> are we doing pros and cons now?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> focus, alice. puns.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> is that really a flaw though?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> isn’t it?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> you tell me</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ...now i need another con to balance this list</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>Peter Pettigrew to The One Without</span></em> <em><span>prongs:</span></em><span> what we up to today mates?</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> idk about u but what im doing today is Not Talking To Peter </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> whats got ur knickers in a twist?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you still cross about what I said to dorcas? that was ages ago!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ignore him pete he’s just in a mood because he misses James </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ur wrong im in a mood bc ive been forced to stay in london with u two tossers </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its only another day sirius you’ll be okay </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck OFF </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hard work suits him, actually </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and im not just saying that bc he has ripped arms </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m glad to hear you’re getting along </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes well me too seeing as mrs potter has SOMEHOW talked us into staying another night </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Idk what witchy powers of persuasion she’s using but theyre apparently working </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> his cologne is terrible tho i think its lynx</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its probably not lynx</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> could be</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter Pettigrew to SS</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Tomorrow. Do it tomorrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus</span>
  </em>
  <span>: You’re sure your intel is good?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I want to get paid don’t I?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to ily Evans: </span>
  </em>
  <span>did u just start reading a footballer memoir?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily: </span>
  </em>
  <span>STOP snooping on my goodreads, alice. it's not Nice. james was talking abt it nonstop today. mostly im perusing it to cleverly mock him on our hike tomorrow</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: no words</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary MacDonald to boo u whore: </span>
  </em>
  <span>in theory would u be interested in spying if it was immoral but juicy</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> do u know me at all???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> just realised we can hack lilys icloud</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything good????</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> apparently they went hiking and she took 50 pics of his arse!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i fucking knew it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus Lupin to Marauders: </span>
  </em>
  <span>how’s it going with Lily mate? she murdered you yet?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>No, its going fine</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ‘fine’? </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Sirius</em>: what do u mean, ‘fine’? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I mean its fine! we’re getting on well </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> is she watching ur texts? do u need us to send in reinforcements? remember the codeword!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>No codeword needed! (for the love of god NO codeword needed)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>We just went for a walk by the lake and she told me I smelled good </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>well she said ‘at least you don’t smell like cat litter anymore’ so that’s basically the same thing </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> get in there mate!!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>its not LIKE that </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>she doesn’t fancy me.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>which is fine. finer than i thought it would be</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Its nice just having her not hate me</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>s</span>
  <span>he’s so lovely when she isn’t angry</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I mean, she’s lovely when she’s angry too</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>But more lovely. Lovelier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James: like. funny and sincere and kind of fantastic? passionate? clever? friendly evans, turns out, is the best evans</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>lads are u still there</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no we’re doing quizzes without you. jealous?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>...no, actually</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m glad you’re getting along, mate</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva McGonagall to Effie P:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Are they back from their 'hike' yet, has anyone texted you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> James ordered a proper picnic lunch from the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minerva: It sounds like our work here is done, is it not?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Euphemia: Indeed. Now it appears they're shut up in the library with G. </span>
  <span>If we just leave them alone they’ll have this sorted in no time. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I believe that lake would be a wonderful place for the wedding, don’t you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I have a florist on retainer you know.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well, after these massages, what on earth are we going to do with our day?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Have you ever been on the Facebook? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I think not.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You’re missing out! Memes Minerva,,,CAT Memes. Delightful things!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I have grown rather fond of cat memes.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> As soon as we're finished, we’ll create an account for you.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sounds marvellous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to ily Evans:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cute snap!! Is that Georgiana!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yes!!! I know! She’s an adorable little old lady and I think I’m in love with her</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> james is looking at her the way I see u look at Lydia </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Al</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> He’s so…. Soft with her </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Its making it super hard to hate him when he’s there being all TENDER and GENTLE and LOVING </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> The other day she had to have an injection and I watched him sit and soothe her for an hour and a half afterwards without getting distracted once</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> This is very touching at all but did you really sit and watch him pet a cat for an hour and a half</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well I pretended to be on my phone obviously I’m not a total freak.  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> okey dokey </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary Macdonald to no evanses, precious:</span>
  </em>
  <span> so hows she doing?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Good. She’s having a nice time </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ....…..a nice time. very juicy </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well I’m sure she’ll tell you all of the details when she gets home, its hardly my place to do so!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ur moral compass is infuriating, alice. terrible for gossip   </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> where is petunia when u need her </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> btw has anyone seen lyds?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to ily Evans: </span>
  </em>
  <span>are you still at the <em>potters???</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: aunt m said we were staying an extra day, apparently she sprained her ankle on a step stool??? weird as hell but no use going hiking somewhere if she cant walk across the room w/out a cane????</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: you're not upset?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: how on earth cld i be upset w/ aunt m, really??? spent the day at the shelter, v lowkey, LOTS OF KITTEN KISSES i cant even</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: the Dream</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: exactly!</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: oh, i hope the answer is NO, but did u torment potter about that book?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily: </span>
  </em>
  <span>...it wasnt bad, actually.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily: </span>
  </em>
  <span>dont tell him though! like we're getting on well (appalling well, actually???) but lets not give him leverage</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice: </span>
  </em>
  <span>wouldn't dream of it</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: Going to a football game tonight. RIP</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> gdi i swear he’s doing this on purpose</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> it wasnt just any football game, alice...</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: APPARENTLY he started a football league for the at risk kids in town??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> that’s actually where THE PIC had come from? those kids had just dumped water on him after a hot practice??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> al he was so good with the kids?? He like, knew their names. They obviously worshiped him. And i think… </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i did google it btw...there’s a legit foundation. I dont think hes devious enough to create an entire website and testimonials or pay them off. Why would he?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Al</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’s….not what i thought at first, thats for sure. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> anyway he invited us to say for a tournament this weekend…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i said yes w/out even consulting aunt m?? And shes Fine with it, ankle and all, but Still. I said yes before he’d even finished the invite </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> what am i supposed to do with that???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> OMG also unlocked his Tragic Backstory this afternoon. he hurt his knee just after school and couldn’t play anymore? Like one day he had a pending contract and next day...done</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i cried. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> But it explains his kind of….drifting around? fuck</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and we talked politics for ages the other day and he isn’t a tory fuck after all? we're actually scarily similar on some views its unreal. we actually get on as mates, it seems, and...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and i think…alice</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> al?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> alice are you even there i NEEd you</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> lil. sit down please.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> al im laying in a bathtub actually</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> drain the water</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Whats wrong</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its lydia</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> shes missing</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. 9. #bringlyddyhome</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus Snape to Lucius</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I have the package. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Bring it to the previously discussed location, then. And hurry, you know L.V. doesn’t appreciate tardiness. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Im well aware, Lucius. Ive worked for him longer than you, lets remember.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ah, yes. Although you don’t seem to have been much use to him lately. Not since you failed to perform the simple task of acquiring the Potter’s ugly little beast.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> And still, he seems to trust me over you.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I must admit, I fear his trust in you may be misplaced. If I recall correctly, you seemed to have something of a weakness for the red-head?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> It wont be a problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Well it's true, isn’t it? You’ve followed her around like a tom in heat.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I said it wont be a problem, Lucius.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Unless? Severus! But surely even you couldn’t be that pathetic?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Did you really think forcing your mangy stray to impregnate her cat will get her attention somehow… bring you closer…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Nonsense, Lucius. Just be ready for pick up, Ill be there within the hour. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to mother of my child: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hey mar are you okay? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> No</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Just</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Will u be home soon?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m on the train xxx</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary Macdonald to lyddy’s babes:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ok i re-checked all of the flower pots in the house, nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I cleared all of the bedrooms</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Did u double check my shoe cupboard? She likes it in there</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yes, nothing I’m afraid</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Fuck. Nothing in the living room or kitchen</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> did u guys check behind the freezer she got stuck there once when we first got her remember?? </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yep, nothing there</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> when was the last time anyone saw her for sure?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yesterday evening </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> shit</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Fuck. She’s definitely gone isn’t she?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> And all those posts about local cats going missing…what if a fox got her???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> We’ll find her Mar</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> mar and i are going to go out and look for her</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i’ll go, too</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Al…u stay there in case she turns up</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> OK.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> girls, i’ll meet you when i get into town, alright?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> hey Al…  Tell me I’m not the only one thinking what I’m thinking?</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i saw Mr Wickham hanging about yesterday. At least, I think it was him?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> which was…the last time anyone saw lyds</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and from james’s letter, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s used mr wickham like that!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> that dirty greasy scumbag. lets just hope its a coincidence, alice. don’t say anything to the girls just yet</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to lily (</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>ง</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>'̀-'́)</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>ง</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>:</span>
  </em>
  <span> morning. waited for you as long as i could before heading to the park but you were still sleeping. kids are warming up now. better get here or you’ll miss the first game. :)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck. No one told you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>told me what?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im not there…came home last night</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>oh</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im SO sorry for bailing w/ no notice but i've got stuff to deal with here</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Okay, that’s fine Evans, no big deal</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no like, I’m not fucking around or making an excuse, james. family emergency</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>everything all right, evans??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> uh, no im not even close</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>shit, lily. whats going on???? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> my cat is missing</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>lydia????</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>shit!! is she at the house anywhere?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no we've checked everywhere</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>check again! sometimes G gets into the weirdest places. one time she got stuck behind the stove.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> shes NOT there believe me i wish with all my heart she was</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>well she has to be SOMEWHERE</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she’s not though. I have been up literally all night scouring the streets of tiddlestout w/ my mates</span>
</p><p><em><span>James: </span></em><span>marlene</span> <span>and mary and alice?</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> the girls are sleeping </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>did YOU sleep?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily: </span>
  </em>
  <span>would you have slept if G was missing?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>fair point...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yeah. Im going to wake them up soon and we’ll head home and regroup</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>if you find her, you can power walk her into exhaustion...dont chase her, and use your normal voice instead of calling for her</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>oh, and dont forget to leave food out</span>
</p><p><em><span>Lily: </span></em><span>james.</span> <span>mr wickham was hanging around yesterday, and the day before</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>that could be a coincidence, lily. Im sure shes just run off</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its snape, i know it. so do you pls don’t bs me</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>fuck. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>this is my fault. If i’d have just told everyone about the git</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> if I had just told my mates what a slimebag snape was? but I didn’t want to sour their memories of mr wickham...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>this isnt YOUR fault lily, youve done literally nothing wrong</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>fuck, ur crying arent you</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ……</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>want me to call u?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> NO im really ugly rn but thx</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>impossible, but not the point. so whats the plan to get her back? surely he’ll listen to you hes in love with you</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im not touching That one but ive no idea where he’d go. I’ve checked the local shelters. And ill go by snape’s flat, but… </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i was supposed to get her fixed and havent done it yet...i didnt want to inflict any pain on her, you know? and i couldve found the money if i’d bought less shoes? I kept telling myself i would wait until she was a year old! im a bad pet mom and now we dont have any hope of getting her back and its</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lily, listen to me. This is NOT your fault. Nothing about this is your fault. it's either an awful coincidence, or the kidnapper’s fault, or, MORE LIKELY, she’s just around the neighbourhood. But it’s NOT your fault. Of course you didn't want to inflict pain on Lydia, you love her. That's...really sweet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>James</em>: did any of that help at all?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> can i lie and say yes because it was really sweet?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ps thank you for not berating me for irresponsible pet ownership</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>obviously not the time or the place </span>
  <span>this is a fucking awful situation, lily. im sorry</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> it sure fucking is</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>what can i do to help?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> nothing, but thank you. you’ve your football thing this weekend, remember? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I know, but</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> attend to your kids. and please tell G im sorry to miss our tea party tomorrow, and give her a big hug for me. and i…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ive had fun these past few days, james, and im Really sorry to miss the tournament. i hope it goes well</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>thanks...are you sure there’s nothing i can do?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its a family affair but thank you</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>SHIT. ive g2g someone’s just got hurt actually</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>but let me know if you need anything? Seriously. and get some sleep</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no, thats fine! i hope everyone’s okay</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and thank you, really</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius Black to Marauders</span>
  </em>
  <span>: why does ur gps show u at a&amp;e prongs?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>bc I am</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i leave u alone for a few days nd??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>im fine. one of the kids got hurt during warm ups. Im staying while hes getting xrays</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> thank fuck</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Nice, mate</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we’re leaving on the 10am...see u this afternoon!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>sounds good</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia Dursley to Evans, Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Good morning, Lily! Am I to understand from Aunt Minerva the terrible News that our dear little cat is missing? Lydia, the poor dear!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> tuney, its really Not the time</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m mobilising, P-S-B (please stand by).</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> what does that even mean</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to worlds best mum:</span>
  </em>
  <span> mum, crisis…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sirius told me!! How long will you be at A&amp;E? </span>
  <span>And how is Thomas sweetie?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Not that one!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>but </span>
  <span>they’re setting the cast. i bought him the entire vending machine full of snacks though so he’s alright. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You’re so good with those kids!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>MUM. the crisis</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Right. Minerva has filled me in. Those poor darling girls! I’ve already told my contacts to keep a lookout. Nearly every shelter in the area has lydia's picture.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>world’s okayest mum</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I try!! Xx</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>and your...Other contacts?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yes, love.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>THANKYOU</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> But you know this sort. If it IS Riddle’s gang as Lily suspects,,,</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>theres always hope, mum</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Agreed!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You didn’t tell her what we suspect they’re up to?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>that he’s been kidnapping breeding cats and using their dna for his sketchy as hell black market kitten farm, and doing who knows what else with them? uh, no I did not</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Good boy! Get back to Thomas n eat something that’s not crisps please??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>will do</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Xx</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>hey...mum??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yes?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>how did you cope with it, when dad was in pain? How did you keep from going stark raving?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> That’s a hard question to answer via text.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I know. Im just…going out of my mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I see.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Every moment that I wasn’t by his side I was at the shelter working James. That feeling doesn’t go away,,,it means you care for her (don’t deny it). Channel it into action. That’s all you can do.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>thanks mum</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes:</span>
  </em>
  <span> girls, stop talking up there and get to sleep</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> you need rest for a few hours so we can work hard once the shelters open</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You too, dear</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and you. Alright. Maybe we all need a few hours' sleep</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> lmao</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Try to sleep</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Her things are in my room</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> go sleep in mine</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Im getting DMs……everyones noticed we havent posted anything</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we’ll post something official later. And maybe contact the news? Shes famous enough it could work. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> And i’ll contact the area shelters when they open up in a few hours.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> &amp; vet clinics! just in case</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we’ll do that. james actually sent a list of tips to help us</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> nice of him!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yeah, it is</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Come to bed lil?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i want to review these, and the vet offices will open soon so i’ll pass out pictures</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> perhaps you should rest now?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i just had another cup of coffee so fat chance on that</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i’ll come down and help out then</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene </span>
    <span>McKinnon to no evanses, precious:</span>
  </em>
  <span> not the time but since WHEN is he 'james' and not 'potter'?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Mary</em>: ikr?? what exactly happened up there dya think???</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Alice</em>: Sleep, girls.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James</span>
    <span> Potter to Marauders: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Boys! New plan actually. There is a different kind of crisis tho and i can’t leave the tournament...way too many kids depending on me...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>But Snivellus has struck again and I need ur help </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Can you clear ur schedules? And can someone track down Frank?</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> u know we don’t have schedules! we were on our way to help u???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> what has that slimy fuck done now?</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> frank’s busy with the exhibit so he’s out, but whatever you need, prongs </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>right wormy can you come here to mum’s house?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter: </span>
  </em>
  <span>i was on my way anyway, so yea</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>pads...to tiddlestout you go. take the bike</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im switching with pete</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>No. i need your particular skillset on the ground, mate. sorry</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> whats this all about?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>just stand by until its time?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Sirius</em>: does this have anything to do w/ evans?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>James</em>: sirius, Not the time for stupid questions, yeah?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> is this ur deadly calm voice?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>yes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck. fine</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>moony, you're the hacker of our group</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> being able to clean your porn viruses doesn’t make me a hacker mate but i sense the seriousness of the situation. what do you need?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>can you hack into CCTV?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>please?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no i literally cannot do that</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>P L E A S E</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i might know a guy?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>i will pay literally whatever it takes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> that will be a Lot</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>whatever it takes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’ll take time though.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> that’s so rad. can’t i stay with moony?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>no i will see you Here in five hours i need help with the tournament</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fine!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> u going to tell us what this is about?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>not until I’m sure</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im sorry prongs but i HAVE to ask again. this doesnt have anything to do w/ evans does it?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>no</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> prongs, you swear?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>yeah i swear</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> marauder swear?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>do you lot really think i’d send your arses all over the country for a girl who doesnt even like me like that???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>its an emergency, i promise. I’ll send the address, Lupin. Look for the last 72 hours. Let me know when you find it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> find what?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>you’ll know</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> *fist bump emoji*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>LyddyKitty posted to Instagram</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Hi everybody. This is Marlene, Lydia’s mum. We’ve received a lot of DMs asking why there hasn’t been a post today. The day before yesterday at around 4pm Lydia went missing from the house. Lydia is an indoor cat and has never tried to escape, so of course we’re all very worried about her. I’ll post contact details at the end. We would be incredibly grateful if you could all keep an eye out for her, or any suspicious behaviour you think may be linked to her disappearance, especially those living in or around the Tiddlestout area. Thanks as always for all of your support. We’ll update you with any new developments. Love from Mar, Lily, and the rest of Lydia’s family</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas Meadowes to lils:</span>
  </em>
  <span> just saw the post? is there anything i can do short of actually being there?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> talk me down…im pulling a snape and stalking his apartment. Is it worth potential criminal charges to punch him in the face?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>ew. and no. is he involved with all of this??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> just a hunch so keep it to yourself, yeah? the girls dont know yet and i dont want them to think she’s possibly been taken…just missing. they’re hysterical as is</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>sure i get that</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i need more coffee</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>how many cups have you had today?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> seven?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>that’s about four too many Lils</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> hey can you pull any publicist strings to get this on the news? they were Not interested when i called</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>no promises but let me see what i can do</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> mwah</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter Pettigrew to SS</span>
  </em>
  <span>: When do I get paid?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> when we’re in the clear</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> That wasn’t the deal?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> this is the new deal</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon to lyddy’s babes</span>
  </em>
  <span>: well the police dont think this constitutes a ‘real emergency’</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> useless fucks. if i didnt have more important shit 2 do i’d protest outside the station. Didn’t have to be so rude?? they threatened 2 arrest me! I thought small town policing was supposed 2 b all about this sort of thing???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> well actually that might be my fault?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i already went to talk to them last night, tried to file a report. that was AFTER i called them like seven times. gave me the same line...although not the bit about the arrests</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> well i wasn’t kind after they told me 2 post it online</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> nice</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yeah, i stopped by too…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> er, so did i</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> mystery solved!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> it should be police business tho! when those puppies went missing it was all over the fucking news</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> are u by chance thinking of 101 dalmatians?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> oh right</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas Meadowes to lils’ sweet mate: </span>
  </em>
  <span>hey Alice its Dorcas</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice: </span>
  </em>
  <span>hey</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>how is she really holding up?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice: </span>
  </em>
  <span>not great? she’s trying to be strong, but like</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>stubbornly so?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice: </span>
  </em>
  <span>yes :-(</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>hang in there! seeing what I can do on my end for you lot</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> thanks for the check in dor</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: *</span>
  </em>
  <span>salute emoji*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to peteeee: </span>
  </em>
  <span>hey mate sent more cash. lad’s gotta eat!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter</span>
  </em>
  <span>: thanks mate.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>also I cant come pick you up but a car will be there</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>Lily Evans, Petunia Dursley has invited you to collaborate with her</span></em> <b>Missing Pet Posters Examples </b><em><span>Pinterest board!</span></em></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</span>
  </em>
  <span>: hey mar did you by chance give my personal number on Lyddy’s IG post???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes, I thought that was best b/c ur the mum. y?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no worries love, thats fine</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> how’s everyone doing?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> just got back from searching...writing a new single to help with publicity</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> *heart emoji*</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> five of my exes are sitting in our kitchen, helping with phone calls and email tips</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> awkward?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> two of them are flirting w each other? worth it for lyds</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> good girls</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> alice?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> sleeping, finally</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> good. im going to head back soon its getting dark. im so tired, what a bloody long day. coffee?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ill brew a fresh batch</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary MacDonald to boo u whore: </span>
  </em>
  <span>i cant come ask you w/ your lovers listening in but you switched out the coffee for decaf right?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yep. and u have the sleeping pills petunia left?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> this IS illegal isnt it?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> but its 4 her own good</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to The Real Napster</span>
  </em>
  <span>: anything?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> well he got me access but prongs, its a lot of footage to go through. it'd be helpful if we knew what we were looking for? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>you’ll know when you see it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> when, or if?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>when</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its going to be a long night isnt it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>no. you need your sleep mate its not worth all that</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ill sleep when you do…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>well im going to bed right now, so</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> g’night then, mate</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to dork ass</span>
  </em>
  <span>: any progesterone on your frnttt</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>?? </span>
  <span>progress on my front?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yea</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>not yet, yours?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>Sirius Black to</span></em> <em><span>pottery barn:</span></em><span> y in the fuck am i back in this town?</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>stand by! Your services will be needed, soon hopefully, and it will be worth it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> this had better not have anything to do w/ evans</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>i think that ship sailed the moment i said ‘tiddlestout’ mate</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> but u promised it didnt</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>it isn’t JUST about Evans </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i hate u so much right now i cant think of a proper insult</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas Meadowes to lils:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ……………lily?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>Sirius Black to</span></em> <em><span>fuck u:</span></em><span> dont forget to take ur vitamins u disgrace of a human twat</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>thought of that proper insult then?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>love u 2 mate</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ill send instructions in the morning, yeah?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to no evanses, precious</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Why in the hell is lily passed out on the stairs?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ask us no questions</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we’ll tell u no lies</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You girls scare me sometimes </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> it was for her own good!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i heard ur sigh from my room, alice</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’ll at least get her a blanket.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia Dursley née Evans posted to Facebook</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Hello, all! Prayers for our grief as we struggle with the unbearable news that our dearest, loveliest #Lyddythecat has recently departed from our company (perhaps forever). #foulplay is suspected but not confirmed. A reward of fifty pounds has been offered by my generous husband, Vernon Dursley, for anyone (anyone at all!) who can provide information that will lead to the whereabouts (and safe return!) of my darling Lydia. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It appears #tiddlestout has been suffering from an epidemic of #missingpurebreds for many, many months now. Is #LyddyKitty the latest victim? We hope not! My husband has also set up a #GoFundMe to help with search and rescue expenses in this trying time. #bringlyddyhome</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon</span>
  </em>
  <span>: are u fucking serious</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia Dursley</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Language! And yes, isn’t this generous of our Vernon?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia Dursley</span>
  </em>
  <span>: And it’s late, Marlene. You ought to go to bed or your under eye circles will worsen. (I’ll lend you my jade roller next time I’m in town.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to The Real Napster: </span>
  </em>
  <span>i found The Dark Web!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …what the fuck it is three in the morning</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>but you’re awake! alright?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes, but this damned paper isn’t going to write itself</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> also prongs, the fourth page of a google search isnt the dark web</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>nono im here i swear. but if someone were in theory selling ‘half-off 100% guaranteed genetically purebred’ kittens in the underground market where in the dark web would they be selling such goods?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> this IS about the cat</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>no its about a different hypothetical scenario</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>alright fine. Its about the cat. but i am taking my mums advice (i Know) and channeling angst into action so you can’t berate me</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …let me skype you alright? i’ll walk you through it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>u sure?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yep</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> best. mate. Ever</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> games do start in five hours tho dont they?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>pete’s taking the early game, so its fine</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon to Our Dear Sweet Precious Lyddykins Come Home to Us</span>
  </em>
  <span>: u checked FB??? going 2 drive 2 surrey &amp; punch her!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> not if i get to her first. Where are you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> at the studio recording my single</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and i hate her post, too, but #bringlyddyhome is now trending on multiple platforms! that plus my song should tip us over the top in terms of visibility! almost done</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I woke up to about a hundred voicemails</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything promising???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> a bunch of creepers. someone ‘would bet on their mums life’ they spotted lydia in amsterdam??? another swears she’s in florida???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> OHMYGOD what if she’s been kidnapped instead of just run away? What if someone is holding her for ransom??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> unlikely thats what they want? we’re literally a broke student house nd they wouldve contacted us</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> you do think shes been taken then????</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i...dont think so</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> convincing</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no, it makes sense. one of the neighbours would’ve seen SOMETHING by now</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> just breathe</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im…what the fuck happened to me last night?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> u were exhausted, lil. just sort of collapsed in the kitchen</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we tried to drag you up the stairs, but we were just hurting you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> that’d explain the bruises on my knees and ribs?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im going to take long soak in the tub, alright?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im going 2 go get a map with tacks…we should still track the tips…however unlikely it is</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> That’s a great idea, Marlene. I’m asking all of the neighbours again if they’ve seen anything. I think Petunia misses the mark, certainly, but it’s a lovely gesture of goodwill that her husband wants to raise money to help bring our girl home.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> oh alice</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to auntie</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Auntie, have you seen her post??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yes, dear. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its the worst and i dont know what to do?? I cant handle this stress r/n</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Darling, she’s grieving in her own way.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she hates lyddybells!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily</span>
  </em>
  <span>: and vernon is capitalizing on this for his own gain...you watch, theyll pocket that money</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m on it. And of course, I’ll pay anything required for Lydia’s safe return.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> &lt;3</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I know it’s difficult but try to study for your exams, dearest.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fat chance?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You’ve worked entirely too hard to throw three months of work out the window. Please try to focus. It’s what Lydia would want.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’ll try then. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> good girl</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> But first Im going by snapes place again tonight to see if i can find anything out. I know his shit friends are there, theyre just too coward to face me</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lily, at the risk of over dramatising, I don’t trust that boy or his friends. Give me an hour, and if you don’t hear from him then go alone, if you must.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> hear from who???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sit tight. Study!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> auntie, I should technically still be on holiday with you, which means I wouldn’t be studying anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> auntie?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius Black to be nice to her</span>
  </em>
  <span>: evans, mum told me whats up. i am coincidentally in town for no reason and am here to help u get info from snape. I’m oustide, ready if u are </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> that isnt necessary i can handle myself</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> well im out front with the motorbike</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> is that the noise nuisance i was about to report???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> dont be like Pet</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> harsh</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i have a helmet for u</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fine im coming but only because that bike is a dream</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> change your shirt first</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> how do you know my shirt isnt perfectly fine?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its a gift</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> damn ur right</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia Dursley née Evans posted to Facebook</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Oh my, 1,358 friends in one night! Thank you for your massive outpouring of support!!! As we met our initial goal of $5,000 in less than twelve hours, we’re creating a stretch goal for $25,000. Thank you everyone for your support! LIKE and SHARE to spread the word! #tiddlestoutmissingcats #gofundme #bringlyddyhome</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary MacDonald to #bringlyddyhome: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ladies, my single is up on itunes!! mar can you post it to her ig?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> absolutely not!! cant believe ur pulling a vernon trying 2 capitalise on this tragedy???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> all proceeds are going to the search efforts and extras! we could hire tons of people to help us, and offer a reward. i give two fucks about self promotion rn mar, this is purely for lydia</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> dont even put my name on it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene</span>
  </em>
  <span>: ………</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> just listen before u judge???</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon to mums</span>
  </em>
  <span>: there’s no delicate way 2 ask this question of mary, but she didn’t used 2 b that good, right??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> when you two were fighting she decided to use her feelings of envy and channel them into focused practice instead of regular practice</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she actually got a voice coach &amp; started accepting feedback???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i dont think it was formal as a voice coach, and ive no idea who, but yes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> how did i not know this</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> lily uve been distracted with school, your sims, &amp; also uve been in a 7 month denial spiral about being in love with james potter</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> have not!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and am not??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> alright, lils. thats fine</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon to #bringlyddyhome</span>
  </em>
  <span>: mary, that’s actually brilliant</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> damn straight that is!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m still sobbing but yes, its wonderful</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> is this edited?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> untouched!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Im just…I had no idea ur feelings about lydia had evolved so fully</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> absence makes the heart grow fonder? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary: </span>
  </em>
  <span>actually the sense of competition between us has propelled me into the driven woman i am today! i received some feedback and...decided to stop being so bitter about it and just, idk, work harder and figure my shit out?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> it's truly genius, Mary, and of course we’re putting your name on it!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> agreed wholeheartedly. what’s the name of the song?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> sirius says the cat came back, i kicked him for it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> did you say sirius???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no i did not. what’s the name of the song????</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily: </span>
  </em>
  <span>what about Come Home to Me?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> but the line is come home to meow</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> you’re so fucking clever, mary</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus Lupin to deerhart: </span>
  </em>
  <span>is the thing we’re looking for a snapelike entity stealing the famous cat</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>you got him??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> well, its really grainy but the nose is a dead ringer. also, the shine from that grease...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>can you leak that to the tiddlestout news station? Ive already sent them the story and they’re doing a piece tonight</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> *fist bump emoji*</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>any update on The Dark Web hunt?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> my soul dies every time you capitalise it like that</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>that’s a nope then?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Not Yet</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to auntie</span>
  </em>
  <span>: anything???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I wish I had a proper update.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Nothing from any of your cat shelter friends? Even Mrs Potter?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m sorry, dear. I’ll keep asking around.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Thank you, Aunt M.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Are you quite sure I can’t come stay with you and help you out?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> No, you stay and catch up with Mrs Potter. Sorry to keep interrupting</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> There is always hope, Lily. Chin up. Please tell Mary her song is lovely.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Xo</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to worlds best mum</span>
  </em>
  <span>: anything???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> James darling I received all fifteen (!!) of your messages. I WILL let you know when I hear anything!! Xx</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>anything at all??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Literally anything of relevance, yes, I will contact you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to dork ass</span>
  </em>
  <span>: update please???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>my friend’s cousin’s ex is a coffee girl at the station. she’s checking into it to see if something can be done</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> you are AMAZING i love you</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>studying?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> er, no</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>that’s fine i wasn’t actually invested in the idea</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im with sirius black actually</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>excuse me??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> weird world. he’s actually been…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>not a fuckwit?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> exactly. even helpful. His mum guilted him into it though</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas</span>
  </em>
  <span>: still. pleasant change of pace</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> exactly</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas</span>
  </em>
  <span>: has he quoted nietzsche to u?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily</span>
  </em>
  <span>: what?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to babe:</span>
  </em>
  <span> where the fuck have you been all afternoon ive been trying to call you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> trying to track down snape which was a bust. so were the shelters</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> nd the vet clinics nd u Know i fucking hate those</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> now im putting up posters w/ evans</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>what the fuck i thought I told u to say incognito?</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Sirius</em>: plans changed. dont worry she thinks mum sent me</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>ok good. She doesnt want me involved. is she ok? Is she holding up?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> holding her own. impressive actually, wldnt want to be snape rn</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius: </span>
  </em>
  <span>ill kick his arse for the pleasure of it but she might actually murder him</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>its for sure him btw. Lupin found footage </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck. am i keeping this to myself?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>yes. she'll know when it hits the news</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>and just...be decent to her please</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im always decent to everyone prongs</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>exactly</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> hows the tournament?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>its going well actually. just be Decent to her, mate</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Fine</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene McKinnon to kittymama</span>
  </em>
  <span>: excellent news!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> you found her??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> snape was arrested?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we don’t know he was involved</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …you saw the leaked cctv, same as me, mar</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fyi received a call from that news station, u have an interview with rita skeeter in an hour</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> actually she talked 2 me but IM not going to do it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> god fucking bless Dorcas</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> &amp; apparently it was mary’s song!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> is it wrong that im smug its raised more money than petunia’s thing?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no that’s fair</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> speaking of! petty’s insisting she give the interview by skype since she is still, technically, the flat mum???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> JFC ill be there in 20</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> if you can be here in 10 i’ll do something with that hair</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> &amp; this doesnt matter at all right now, but u DO have exams coming up</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> priorities, mar</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i know but alice made me remind you </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to dork ass</span>
  </em>
  <span>: i fucking love you</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>cant believe it worked. u looked like a hot momma on the news!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> not the point tho?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>but still</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yea i kno ;)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to lily (</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>ง</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>'̀-'́)</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>ง</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>:</span>
  </em>
  <span> hey mum forwarded me the clip — great publicity it’ll have to help</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’ve been thinking about it and I am definitely in love with you, James Potter.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>What?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck off, prongs. Its me. Im answering her phone because a bunch of arsehats have been calling in fake lydia sightings.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> here she is</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>how do i know that</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> what the FUCK</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> potter your mate is the absolute worst bloke ive ever met in my life no offence but im not in love w/ you</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes he fucking is and i know that</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’s kind of keeping me sane though, so hes not bad as mates go</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>no he isnt</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> re: the clip. You think???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>absolutely</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> thanks. tournament going well i hope??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>winding down tonight but it’s been great</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> glad to hear it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>you’ll find her, lily</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> thx</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>let sirius answer your phone and study!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ha</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>minerva told my mum to tell me to tell you that</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yessir</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck i need sleep</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>go to bed then? Seriously, youve been working your arse off for two days. Sleep! In a bed. Not on the stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> how do you know about that</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Marlene snapped it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fucking hell</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>@heavensevans Tweeted:</span>
  </em>
  <span> @buzzfeed pick up this tragedy of shady shit going on in tiddelstoat and apparently all around england. If the #wherareourcats tag is to be believed, rare breed cats have been disappearing for months and no one’s taken notice??</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice Hopkins to #bringlyddyhome</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Is anyone going to get the doorbell?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its 9 at night? No?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> do i ever?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I am currently indisposed at the moment, or I would.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> what if its lydia??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> lily?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fine im getting it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A package from Frank Longbottom</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Ladies, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I know a basket of spirits isn’t going to ease your aching hearts permanently, but it can help for a few hours at least. You’re in my thoughts. -Frank L</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to Horace Slughorn</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Hi Professor Slughorn. I'm sorry for the late hour and contacting you out the blue, but this is James Potter.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Potter, m’boy! How are you these days? Travelling the world still?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Something like, Professor. How are you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Oho, excellent. Can’t complain. That mother of yours doing well?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>As always.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: We’ve missed you around here, James. Although I do enjoy that gift basket you sent over Christmas. Very thoughtful.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I like to keep the lines of communication open, Professor. You know how it goes.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I do indeed. You were always a clever one. Now, what can I do for you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Professor, do you have any contacts at Vox?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Fox?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>No. I know this is unusual and very specific, but do you have any contacts for any internet publications? Vox, or somewhere similar? Someone that could…get something newsworthy published?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I believe I understand…you need to ‘go viral'…is that it?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yes, Professor, but for a friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I see.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Can you help me? It is for a friend, and she really needs my help, and—</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I would be willing to come to your Christmas party this year, Sir. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Ah! Young love. I should’ve known. How can I refuse such a request?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>You can’t?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Exactly. Well, I do know a boy. A few years younger than you—you might remember him? Gilderoy Lockhart?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I do, actually, yes. The one who carved his name into MY football pitch?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Oho, I forgot about that. The very one!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>You don’t have…any other contact, anywhere, Professor? Literally anyone else?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: That is the only one that comes to mind, I’m afraid. I do understand your hesitation, but he works in production at Buzzfeed and will happily help. I’ll send a text to him now with your contact information. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Professor, you are brilliant. Thank you.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Horace</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I’ll see you at Christmas, James.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yes, Sir.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p><em><span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span></em> <em><span>al…</span></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s a lovely gesture, Lily. It doesn’t change anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Of course, dear. Just checking.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> But I mean, Fortnum and Mason, we’ve never had so much fancy booze in the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> it is thoughtful. Will you send my thanks? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sure thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Our thanks I mean</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> done</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to Alice’s beloved</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Thank you for the wonderful gift basket, Frank. It was very thoughtful.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Frank:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I wish I could do more. How is...everyone?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Everyone is holding up. She’s alright.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Frank:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m sorry I can’t be there, but the timing…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Your exhibit, of course!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Frank:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Please send my thoughts. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Will do.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Frank:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sorry to cut this short but I have to go…my darlings await.</span>
</p><p><em>Frank</em>: I mean the butterflies, of course.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: of course.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius Malfoy to Snape</span>
  </em>
  <span>: That little expose highlighting our operations was damning enough, Severus, but there’s also cctv footage now circulating? You were caught, quite literally, red handed! And now I want to know how exactly you intend to fix this mess.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lucius, Lucius, how dramatic you are. That hack Skeeter proved that some cats went missing. Thats it, and thats all. As for that ‘red-handed’ nonsense, its grainy footage and its not even official. Potters gang released it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> And yet the police are now involved. Charges pending against the perpetrator. Person of interest?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Rubbish</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hashtags are trending, Severus. #bringlyddyhome is banal enough, but #whereareourcats is a little alarming, no? And that little friend of yours knows something. And now you’ve made the front page of Buzzfeed. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> What?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You’ve a lot to answer for, Snape.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> If L.V. wishes to discuss this with me, he will let me know.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> In fact he does. As a friend, I’m giving you advance warning that he isn’t pleased. Consider this your summons, Severus. He wants to see you tomorrow afternoon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to #bringlyddyhome</span>
  </em>
  <span>: holy shit!!! lydia's on the front page of buzzfeed!! my @ worked????</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> thats going 2 make for a long day tomorrow</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> for sure!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice: </span>
  </em>
  <span>well </span>
  <span>Should we get piss drunk courtesy of frank longbottom tonight?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> in</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marlene:</span>
  </em>
  <span> in</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> in</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia Potter to Jamsikins</span>
  </em>
  <span>: I think I may have something. Not giving you the address just yet because I don’t want you to do anything rash,,,</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mum, the address.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You know we’ve been trying to take these BASTARDS down for years!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mum!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Received intel about a cat garnering unwanted media attention. It can only be her!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Address, Mum. Please!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Now I’m sure you had nothing to do with any of that unwanted media attention?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James:</span>
  </em>
  <span> of course not</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Didn’t think so!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>mummmmmm. This is something i have to do. For lily.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I had every intention of giving you that address. Please be smart though! Xx</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m always smart.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> James!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mum, I’ll be fine. I’ll bring Remus if that helps?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Who do you think has the address? I’m tracking you boys on GPS. Also, he is calling the police after you get her out.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Fair</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia:</span>
  </em>
  <span> James?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>yeah?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Euphemia</span>
  </em>
  <span>; Proud of you!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Xx</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to Marauders</span>
  </em>
  <span>: pete, pack up. moony, get your arse to tiddlestout. Marauder mission.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought i was on a marauder mission already?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yes, but the tournament is over.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i am in fact already here</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius</span>
  </em>
  <span>: you are?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus: </span>
  </em>
  <span>i am. Where are you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> evans invited me to get drunk w/ her mates but thats dull, so</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>ditch her. You have recon to do. NO motorbike</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>we have a cat to save</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> this whole business has been about a bloody cat?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> shes a Good cat tho</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> who are you and what have you done with sirius black</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i fucking love animals u know that moony</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> oi, prongs! do i finally get to use my brass knuckles? i packed them just in case</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>hard Yes on that one, mate</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> perfect</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im at the library. guys, see you in a few hours</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>were you the intel mum was talking about???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> well her sources verified the chatter i heard</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>on The Dark Web?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> just get here, yeah?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus Snape to Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tell the others. We’ve been compromised. Tell everyone to leave. Now!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> And how do you know that?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Severus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I have a source.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to auntie</span>
  </em>
  <span>: i have so much good news i dont know where to start!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> LYDIA IS BACK she is back she is back she is backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk and alive! and unharmed! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> What? How?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she was just on our doorstep with a carrier this morning??? no note or explanation</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Did they catch who returned her?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> the police dusted the carrier for prints, but nothing. AND the CCTV got knocked out</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oh dear</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> auntie, i have no idea what possessed that scumbag to return her but i don’t even care. im just, SO HAPPY i could burst. she's in perfect shape!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m so, so happy for you, dearest.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> me too!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Also, I’ve intimated to your sister in no uncertain terms that her inheritance is on the line. Since Lydia has been returned safely, Vernon and Petunia will return the money to their donors.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> &lt;3333333333333333</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas Meadowes to lils:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she lives!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im so happy my heart could burst</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dorcas: </span>
  </em>
  <span>that is sickeningly saccharine but i’ll let it pass just this once</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius Black to the wedding singer</span>
  </em>
  <span>: glad to see u took my advice</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> your instruction was brutal but effective, thank you (I think)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i hum the chorus in the shower</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mary:</span>
  </em>
  <span> why are you telling me this?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> who would believe u?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to James:</span>
  </em>
  <span> she’s back!!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>who is this?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> oh its lily</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>oh, hi</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> had to get a new phone. too many calls and texts it was unreal</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>shit. But yes!! Lydia! I saw on the news last week! and mum told me</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im so happy my heart could burst</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>:)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and, and!! Did you see about the farm that got raided?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>we’ve been watching all day. Mum is so pleased.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> :)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>your exams?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> passed, all!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>great job. Its so impressive given everything going on</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> well my professors all gave me an extension given how this thing blew up so</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>still. Impressive</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> oh god I never asked. how was the end of the tournament?</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Good! Uneventful. kids were excited</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> so…back in london mucking about with your mates now its over??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>actually…im still at home. Gonna stick around for awhile, help with the shelter. we’ve got the huge influx of cats… it’s a big process, helping sort owners and such</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> that’s really, really cool</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i’ll let you get back to it actually….we’re having a celebration party….again. Wish you could be here!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>have fun mate</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i think lydias tired of being the guest of honor</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> good luck sorting that mess out...not that you need it, youve definitely got this</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>still appreciated though</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> later</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>later</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter to Marauders</span>
  </em>
  <span>: i think im in love with evans?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fucks sake</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> old news, mate</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we’ve known that for months…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>really?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remus:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius black has left the group chat.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to gal pAL:</span>
  </em>
  <span> my life is over alice</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> what’s up?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i am into potter</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> …just like that? no qualifiers?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yes. Im there</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> since when?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> ive tried to figure it out but no luck</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I DON’T KNOW i was in knee deep before I realised </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice: </span>
  </em>
  <span>things like this are usually a bunch of little moments stacked on top of each other</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> like pizza?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> like love you nerd</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> not like, in love with him, but into him for sure</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> then like ;)</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> more than just ;) tho</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> so Into vs into?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> yea</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> its ironic and tragic that he’s over me when im having this massive revelation???? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and what a fucking relief to say it out loud? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> im Into james potter!!! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> except im devastated because he called me ‘mate’. wtf?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Im friendzoned?? I mean I deserve it for SURE but, fuck</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> we had SUCH a great time at his place and he's so....god he's kind of great? </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>Lily</em>: but hes clearly over me or hed have asked me out again by now, that boy has zero chill or self control</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alice:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I don’t even know how to respond to that.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> pour me a drink bc im coming down</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius Black to pete turncoat</span>
  </em>
  <span>: so pete. never told me u were friends with snivellus </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> u should have said, we’d never have been so mean about him</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> what are u talking about padfoot??????? we aren’t friends?????? lol</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> well he’s blowing up your other phone rn so maybe u should tell him that </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> wait. why do u have my other phone?</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> i didnt know it was yours? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius: </span>
  </em>
  <span>like that fucking matters now u spineless, traitorous bastard</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> padfoot, mate, listen. it’s not what u think! don’t tell james okay? I promise I can explain everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck off pete im blocking u</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and ofc im telling james u cringing bit of filth </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> PADFOOT</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> pads, please! </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter:</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. 10. Double Crossed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em> Peter Pettigrew to Marauders </em>: hey, so…mates?</p><p>
  <em> Peter Pettigrew has been removed from the conversation. </em>
</p><p><em> James: </em>Sirius are you SURE</p><p><em> James: </em>I still can’t believe he’d do this</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> saw the texts with my own eyes</p><p><em> James: </em>i mean so did i. I just wish</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> hes a conniving little turd, prongs</p><p><em> Remus: </em> fucking hell</p><p><em> James: </em>Why though?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> uhhhhhh because apparently hes a slippery bastard with no moral backbone?</p><p><em> James: </em>you’re not being helpful sirius he’s our friend</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> well at least im not working for an evil kitty farming operation so</p><p><em> Remus: </em> do you think it was a money thing?</p><p><em> James: </em>i always spot him cash tho</p><p><em> James: </em>so does pads</p><p><em> Remus: </em> having mates with money isnt the same as having money urself</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> y not? he doesn’t go w/out shit???</p><p><em> Remus: </em> no offence but u both grew up rich you dont like. Get It. Hes got issues w/ money</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> OH so we’re defending the backstabbing traitor now bc he doesnt have money</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> u dont have money nd u didnt stab us in the back!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> im not saying it excuses it</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Im just saying he’s our mate we should at least try and understand why</p><p><em> James: </em>Remus is right we should ask him</p><p><em> James: </em>Not now tho im too pissed off. Let him stew in it for a bit</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> youre both too soft for ur own good</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>how are you feeling this morning, lil?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> like we need to stop celebrating lydia’s return every night</p><p><em> Alice: </em> i left you a smoothie in the fridge</p><p><em> Lily: </em> where are you??</p><p><em> Alice: </em> signing up for summer term. Im so close im actually going to finish this time.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Peter Pettigrew to Padfoot </em>: listen i know u’ve blocked me on everything else but you never blocked me on facebook so i thought maybe u werent serious abt ignoring me</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> blocking u on here too thx for the reminder</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to lyddy’s babes </em>: ellen wants to skype with us &amp; have lydia on the show!!!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to</em> <em>Prongs:</em> Hey James, I know you’re pissed and you’re right to be pissed and theres no excuse for what I did but, but it's been a few days...will you just let me explain myself?</p><p><em> James: </em>Not now, Pete.</p><p><em> James: </em>Just. Don’t make me block you yeah?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> right</p><p><em> James: </em>...do u have a place to stay at least</p><p><em> Peter: </em> i’m home with mum. she’s glad to have me back home at least.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Peter Pettigrew to Moony </em>: moony the others wont hear me out and its been almost a week</p><p><em> Peter: </em> u will, right?</p><p><em> Remus: </em> i don’t blame them. and don’t moony me, peter.</p><p><em> Remus: </em> it was money, wasn’t it?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> …. yes. a lot.</p><p><em> Remus: </em> peter wtf</p><p><em> Peter: </em> I needed it, moony! u know what its like to spend time around people that throw money away like its nothing when you have none of your own!! </p><p><em> Remus: </em> i do, but don’t even?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> and they weren’t going to hurt her or anything!</p><p><em> Peter: </em> and I know I fucked up, ok? I</p><p><em> Peter: </em> and it’s mum, she’s so tired all the time and I just. fuck</p><p><em> Remus: </em> oh dont play the mum card, peter. I have parents who struggle, too, and funnily enough /I’ve/ never colluded with an unethical kitten breeding ring. </p><p><em> Peter: </em> i'm sorry remus!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> yeah well unless you’ve done something to actually prove that idk why you’re bothering to talk to us tbh</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Bye, peter</p><p><em> Remus: </em> and leave james alone</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง </em> <em> : </em> Hey. So I have bad news</p><p><em> Lily: </em> veto! can’t we just have good news from now on???</p><p><em> James: </em>its important</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well get on with it then</p><p><em> James: </em>sooo....last week we found out that Peter was helping Snape the whole time. Behind our backs.</p><p><em> Lily: </em>fuck</p><p><em> Lily: </em> But Peter is so</p><p><em> Lily: </em> idk...he’s Peter? he grows on you? the baked goods! </p><p><em> James: </em>Yeah, we know. We think it was some sort of money thing. its so fucked up</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Shit james</p><p><em> James: </em>im so sorry lily</p><p><em> James: </em>Idk how none of us realised? i mean i should have realised that my own best mate...</p><p><em> Lily: </em> that isn’t your fault, james.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Are you okay? Im sorry for You</p><p><em> James: </em>I’m fine. I’m good.</p><p><em> James: </em>Well, I’m not really. I don’t know what I’d do without my friends and it turns out one of them has been sneaking around behind my back for weeks without me knowing it? Maybe longer? And on something thats so important to me???</p><p><em> James: </em>he volunteered at the shelter!!</p><p><em> James: </em>so I’m guess I’m really fucking hurt?</p><p><em> James: </em>But I WILL be fine.</p><p><em> James: </em>I still have Sirius and Remus and Frank</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ….and me, james</p><p><em> James: </em>yeah?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> for sure</p><p><em> James: </em>thx lily</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Frank Longbottom to</em> <em>JPots:</em> Hey, heard about...everything. Are you ok? Need to talk?</p><p><em> James: </em>actually can we talk about literally anything else?? Tell me about your exhibit</p><p><em> Frank: </em> you sure that’s what you want to talk about?</p><p><em> James: </em>please</p><p><em> Frank: </em> well, things are going well actually! the fixtures are getting ready for final inspection this week. We’ve got this amazing room where you can dance around and you appear as a butterfly on the wall — super interactive for school field trips and the sort. I think...I think this is what I want to do. Work with museums, I mean. Feels great to have a long-term sense of direction? And the critical previews for the exhibit have been great!</p><p><em> Frank: </em> i feel like utter shit that i’ve told you how great my life is right now?</p><p><em> James: </em>its alright, man...im just</p><p><em> James: </em>yeah</p><p><em> Frank: </em> you’ll figure it out, James</p><p><em> James: </em>you think?</p><p><em> Frank: </em> you figured out whatever it was that went down with you lads 5th year, and this...it sucks, but you’ll figure it out</p><p><em> James: </em>thanks, frank</p><p><em> Frank: </em> *fist bump emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง </em> <em> : </em> i have good news this time</p><p><em> Lily: </em> then proceed pls this project is killing me</p><p><em> James: </em>lil, you’ll kill it. And you dont even have bertram to worry about this time??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> dont rob me of my angst</p><p><em> James: </em>id never</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Whats your news??</p><p><em> James: </em>tom riddle was arrested, along with a few of his henchman</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Tom Riddle??</p><p><em> James: </em>He’s the head of the breeding ring behind all of the disappearances that have been happening lately.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> What!?!!</p><p><em>James: </em>My mum’s been trying to pin them down for ages but all of the media attention from Lydia finally gave her the backing and the police had to listen</p><p><em> Lily: </em> james! Oh my God!</p><p><em> James: </em>i know!! Had to tell you first bc lydia</p><p><em> Lily: </em> do you know how the chances of a conviction are looking?</p><p><em> James: </em>Not bad, but Riddle has friends in high places you know? He’s wriggled out of tight spots before.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> still, there’s hope?</p><p><em> James: </em>It’d help if one of his workers would testify against him, but he has them all terrified.</p><p><em> James: </em>Fingers crossed, I suppose?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> double crossed!</p><p><em> James: </em>too soon</p><p><em> Lily: </em> OMG i did not mean it like that im SO SORRY omg</p><p><em> Lily: </em> im going to die</p><p><em> James: </em>its really ok. I laughed. Still too soon but i laughed</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fuck</p><p><em> Lily: </em> one of the arrested was snape i hope?</p><p><em> James: </em>nah</p><p><em> Lily: </em> damn</p><p><em> James: </em>charges are pending, but hes too slippery</p><p><em> Lily: </em> all that grease?</p><p><em> James: </em>precisely</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Mary MacDonald to to lyddy’s babes: </em> so like</p><p><em> Mary: </em> nbd but...</p><p><em> Mary: </em> ive had nearly half a mil bloody downloads...im fucking rich?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> seriously</p><p><em> Mary: </em> yes seriously!! </p><p><em> Lily: </em> i thought we agreed you weren’t keeping the money from the song?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> thats the thing! but its not just come home to me(ow) thats getting downloads, its the rest of my music too!!!!</p><p><em> Mary: </em> people are coming for the missing cat and staying for the Mary 8)</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Oh my God</p><p><em> Lily: </em> mary!!!! thats insane!!!!!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> but also never say that thing about staying for the Mary again </p><p><em> Alice: </em> and get a financial advisor!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i hate to say this but aubrey probably knows someone who can help</p><p><em> Mary: </em> ill find someone on my own but thank u for the offer</p><p><em> Lily: </em> oh thank fuck</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> im really proud of u mary!!</p><p><em> Mary: </em> no bullshit?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> no bullshit</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง </em> <em> : </em> happy april 25th</p><p><em> Lily: </em> literally the perfect date. thx for the study playlist btw</p><p><em> James: </em>hope it helps!</p><p><em>Lily</em>: surprisingly, yes. and how are the placements going?</p><p><em>James</em>: good. the trick is actually finding the CORRECT owners, they're coming out of the woodwork. </p><p><em>Lily</em>: sounds like a nightmare</p><p><em>James</em>: a bit, but we'll sort it out. not why i texted u though...listen, im not supposed to know this, but the magistrate’s court has approved charges and the trial is next week. you should come</p><p><em> James: </em>I mean, if you want to that is</p><p><em> James: </em>It might be therapeutic to see that evil bastard get what he deserves</p><p><em> James: </em>But if you’d rather not see him, I get that</p><p><em> James: </em>and you’ve got school…</p><p><em> Lily: </em> No. We’ll be there. thx for letting me know!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to</em> <em>james &lt;3:</em> ive been called to testify</p><p><em> James: </em>fuck, evans. You feeling up to it??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yeah i mean i have to be right? someone has to stand up to them...and i want the fuckers to see justice</p><p><em> James: </em>you’re amazing</p><p><em> Lily: </em> riddle scares the fuck out of me tho</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I saw him on the news… proper creepy look about him. but I knew so many of them from debate, and then w/ Lydia I’m a material witness? apparently they have evidence she was one of their victims?</p><p><em> James: </em>i’ll be there to support you</p><p><em> Lily: </em> thanks</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to james &lt;3:</em> Hey we’re outside…. Do you know where we’re supposed to go?</p><p><em> James: </em>Main entrance. Reception will tell you the room. Gtg had to sneak my phone past security</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Right</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> Hey Al where’d you disappear to??</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Sorry, was dying to pee for the last 2 hours!! Are you okay?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> And you did amazing, by the way!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> … No i didn’t. That Riddle bloke was terrifying. I could barely get the words out</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I sounded like an idiot</p><p><em> Alice: </em> No you didn’t, and I don’t blame you for being put off by him. He gave me the creeps. Dead behind the eyes.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I know. now that ive seen proper serial killer eyes I wont joke abt them anymore?</p><p><em>Lily</em>: anyway Im just glad we hopefully don’t have to worry about riddle anymore. hopefully</p><p><em> Alice: </em>speaking of serial killer eyes, Did you see james?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Uh, no actually</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I was going to go say Hi but he disappeared</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m sure he’s preoccupied with everything</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Oh lily :(</p><p><em> Lily: </em> No don’t ‘oh Lily’ me! I’m fine! Its whatever. Nbd</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m sure I’ll see him at some point...i mean we’re mates, right?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง </em> <em> : </em> Sorry I didn’t see you. everything was a bit hectic. Sirius was about to kick off and Pete tried to corner Remus and just</p><p><em> James: </em>Dont even worry about it, actually. Are you okay?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Its okay! Um, yes, I think so? glad its over</p><p><em> James: </em>sorry I didnt get to see you</p><p><em> Lily: </em>dont worry about it!! You ok?</p><p><em> James: </em>Course. Don’t worry about me, here. i didn't have to testify.</p><p><em> Lily: </em>no but...did you know he was testifying, james? </p><p><em> James: </em>No! He never said anything</p><p><em> James: </em>Not that we would have listened tbh</p><p><em> James: </em>Doesn’t make up for what he did, though.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> No, but I mean</p><p><em> Lily: </em> It was a decent thing to do. And he seemed sorry. will he face charges for his involvement?</p><p><em> James: </em>Yeah well. He has his dirty money to pay for it if so</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Still.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Im not saying you have to forgive him right now or anything, but maybe hear him out, yeah? Or at least think about it?</p><p><em> James: </em>I’ll think about it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter Worlds Best Mum: </em> ma, question</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> We can talk all of this through again but ultimately YOU have to decide if it’s worth throwing away more than a decade and a half of friendship or not, darling.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> It’s your call,,,no judgment either way!! It’s a difficult spot you’re in.</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Also are you coming home or staying in London? I understand if you aren’t coming back, although it’s been lovely to have you these few months,,,</p><p><em> James: </em>no actually i want to come back</p><p><em> James: </em>believe it or not, working at the shelter is more fulfilling than fucking around the world</p><p><em> James: </em>altho dont get me wrong...that’s great? just think its maybe time for a change</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Maybe it doesn't have to be so black n white darling,,,</p><p><em> James: </em>the what am i doing with my life thing? Or the pete thing?</p><p><em> Euphemia: </em> Xx</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Peter Pettigrew to</em> <em>Prongs:</em> mr wickham is at the shelter...</p><p><em> James: </em>your fucking greasy mates skipped town, yeah? I heard. You know where they are?</p><p><em> Peter: </em> i dont james i swear. i heard the same rumor and went to fetch wickham. that’s all.</p><p><em> James: </em>well, this doesnt make it ok</p><p><em> Peter: </em> i didn’t expect it to honestly. they aren’t my mates though.</p><p><em> James: </em>ive gotta go</p><p><em> Peter: </em> james</p><p><em> James: </em>bye</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to james &lt;3</em>: how is mr m today?</p><p><em>James: </em>recovering from his operation! he wasnt best pleased w/ me, but we're learning to trust each other. i show him your picture every day, obviously.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: obviously! can't wait to see him again</p><p><em>James</em>: and me?</p><p><em>Lily</em>: i mean if u bring me mr wickham i wouldn't complain????</p><p><em>James</em>: still swamped rn but maybe when he's healed up in a few weeks</p><p><em>Lily</em>: sounds great :) </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAl: </em>oh my god alice im SO pathetic. practically begged him to come up here to deliver wickham....</p><p><em>Alice: </em>i can't disagree so maybe its best i dont say anything at all? try dorcas?</p><p><em>Lily</em>: cant....shes shut down potter talk :( :( :( plus cruella has her so busy she cant see straight</p><p>Alice: maybe just...TELL him how you feel? don't you two facetime all the time anyway??</p><p><em>Lily</em>: yes but he's only humoring me so i can see mr wickham</p><p><em>Alice</em>: oh lily, no words</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to Marauders </em>: Lads. I think we need to hear Peter out.</p><p><em> Sirius: </em>absolutely fucking Not</p><p><em> Remus: </em> I agree with james actually</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> of fucking course you do</p><p><em> James: </em>listen. Pete’s family. And maybe its not so black and white?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> stop listening to Mum, potter</p><p><em> Remus: </em> lets just hear him out...we can always block him again</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Marlene McKinnon to lyddy’s babes</em>: we all mysteriously have tickets 2 a thing in london next saturday???</p><p><em> Alice: </em> where, specifically?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> some kind of posh science thing idk</p><p><em> Alice: w</em>hat kind of posh science thing?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> &amp; train tickets???</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> &amp; holy fuck two hotel rooms for the 4 of us??? what devilry</p><p><em>Alice: </em>what kind of science thing, mar?</p><p><em>Lily: </em> sounds like a trap</p><p><em> Mary: </em> from whomst?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Marlene, what KIND OF SCIENCE THING?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> oh…</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> OH</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>Alice, it’s actually addressed to u….sorry. maybe come down and read?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins to ily evans: </em>I can’t go lil</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you Have to go</p><p><em> Alice: </em> do you think they’re from him??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> do you seriously think one of his mates pretended to be him????</p><p><em> Alice: </em> possibly?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> the handwriting matches his card, which i know you keep under your pillow</p><p><em> Alice: </em> snoop!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> do you want to go???</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Definitely, yes. i think?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> we’re going</p><p><em> Lily: </em> mary can spot us dress money now so we’re good to go</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to</em> <em>james &lt;3:</em> that was your doing wasnt it</p><p><em> James: </em>the answer to that is almost always yes, but before i damn myself, specifics?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you know exactly what im on about!!!</p><p><em> James: </em>i dont actually</p><p><em> Lily: </em> alright if thats the game you want to play</p><p><em> James: </em>i didnt do anything i swear it.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> u didnt have a talk with frank longbottom about my mate then?</p><p><em> James: </em>ah, evans, my answer depends on whether the impact of such a hypothetical conversation was positive or negative</p><p><em> Lily: </em> not telling</p><p><em> James: </em>then ask me no questions ill tell you no lies</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ur so fucking obnoxious</p><p><em> James: </em>but a good obnoxious, right?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> sometimes its not terrible</p><p><em> James: </em>there she is</p><p><em> James</em>: i did in fact have a chat with frank about…how wrong I was about literally every aspect of that situation. but ive no idea what you’re talking about specifically</p><p><em> James: </em>although ill gladly take the credit since it made you so happy</p><p><em> Lily: </em> tickets to frank’s new exhibit launch party? train tickets as well? comped hotels?</p><p><em> James: </em> frank would never...he’s not that forward even though he is (between you and i) over the moon after our conversation</p><p><em> James: </em>but it wasn’t me, i swear.</p><p><em>James</em>: i promise i’ll find out if it was frank</p><p><em> Lily: </em> thanks</p><p><em> James: </em>and i wont be there if that helps your decision</p><p><em> Lily: </em> the party? why not?</p><p><em> James: </em>work. frank’s volunteered here loads and has lots of supporters. covering at the shelter so a few of his other mates can come up for the exhibit. me and a bunch of cats, all night long!!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> again, the dream</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to francis </em>: hey mate, did you send the girls a bunch of tickets and train tickets and hotels and everything?</p><p><em> Frank: </em>No, but...</p><p><em>Frank</em>: ...if, hypothetically, you had a secret, but telling someone the truth was for their own good, would you do it?</p><p><em>James:</em> frank you're terrible at this game</p><p><em>James</em>: ps now you have to tell me</p><p><em> Frank: </em> it was pettigrew</p><p><em> James: </em>fuck. i wish you hadnt told me</p><p><em> Frank: </em> He really is sorry, James. Hes desperate to make it up to everyone. Even the girls.</p><p><em> James: </em> thanks, frank. I did need to hear that</p><p><em> Frank: </em> you gonna forgive him?</p><p><em> James: </em>its not that simple</p><p><em> Frank: </em> sometimes it really is?</p><p><em> James: </em>frank, mate. Youre hashtag goals, but you’d apologise to someone for the inconvenience if they stabbed you and you bled on their shoes.</p><p><em> Frank: </em> if they’re nice shoes, definitely</p><p><em> James: </em>*fist bump emoji*</p><p><em> Frank: </em> *fist bump emoji*</p><p><em> Frank: </em>Sometimes you’ve just gotta take the plunge and do it? Losing the people you care about sucks.</p><p><em> Frank: </em> And james off topic and i dont mean to be insensitive to your personal angst...but did the girls say they were coming then? Like for sure?</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Frank Longbottom to Alice: </em>Hey, Alice. It’s Frank. Frank Longbottom, just in case you’ve deleted this number from your phone. Which, fair. It’s just, I’ve been a complete arse about a lot of things, have a lot of apologizing to do. I’m so sorry for the way I acted, leaving for London without telling you, and in cutting off contact so abruptly. I’d like to apologise...more...and just catch up if you’re up to it? Obviously understand if you’d rather burn my effigy. It’s just, if you do (want to talk, not burn my effigy), let me know if it’s okay to give you a ring? Best, Frank.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Petunia Dursley to Evans</em>, <em> Lily: </em> Hello, Lily. Alice updated me about the trial. You were very brave to speak up like that. </p><p><em> Lily: </em>thx pet</p><p><em> Petunia: </em> And Aunt Minerva sent me the picture from the newspaper. You looked very pretty. </p><p><em> Petunia: </em> Perhaps a slightly longer skirt for court though. You know, for reference next time?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> miss you too, tuney</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to</em> <em>james &lt;3: </em>hey. You doing ok? You find anything out?</p><p><em> James: </em>wasn’t frank</p><p><em> Lily: </em> damn, ok. Thanks! </p><p><em> Lily: </em> again. u doing ok?</p><p><em> James: </em>hypothetically, i can forgive someone and still be pissed at them, yeah?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yes</p><p><em> James: </em>and it doesnt mean i trust them again</p><p><em>Lily:</em> also yes.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: I really fucked up with dorcas over Christmas? it took ages for me to figure out how to apologise, and um, it took us awhile to sort it out.</p><p><em> James: </em>peter did a very scummy thing, since we both know this isnt actually hypothetical</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yes</p><p><em> James: </em>are you just going to say yes to everything?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you dont actually need me to help you with this, james</p><p><em> James: </em>but what is the point of forgiving him if ive no intention of trusting him again?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> id say...fuck. i'd say i didnt trust you for a long time. i made a lot of assumptions about you and your motivations that turned out to be not true, and...i was wrong. i needed to quiet down my own judgments and hear you out. </p><p><em> James: </em>hear /me out? evans. bless u for reading that damn letter at all. if i never read it again i’m good</p><p><em> Lily: </em> want me to burn it?</p><p><em> James: </em>i mean i did include the match for that purpose, but itd be a tragedy to waste such good penmanship</p><p><em> Lily: </em> good bc i wasnt going to lmao</p><p><em>Lily: </em>my advice to you is...maybe just hear him out</p><p><em> James: </em>i liked it better when you just said yes</p><p><em> Lily: </em> too fucking bad! you should at least hear him out. and if you want to forgive him...that’s ok too</p><p><em> James: </em>that wasn’t what i was asking though</p><p><em> Lily: </em> alright</p><p><em> James: </em>but you do? Think its ok? Its Your cat that got stolen</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yes, but…</p><p><em> Lily: </em> dont get me wrong, james. u know i love being a petty bitch, but in the big things...with family…goddamn. it takes a lot of energy to be so bitter at people you love. do know how often ive wanted to just cut my sister off?</p><p><em> James: </em>a lot i reckon?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> shes a nightmare. not just in the obvious stuff....sometimes in horrible ways. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> esp after my parents died? honestly that’s not important right now</p><p><em> James: </em>we’re gonna unpack that at some point tho??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> sure, but the point rn is that tuney's family</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and not just because of blood. Blood doesn’t mean anything really, look at u n your mates. it matters because despite everything… pet clearly gives a shit. In her own (often misguided and horrible) way.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and james, im not excusing anything peter did. obviously. losing lydia actually reminded me of losing them all over again, which is dramatic or whatever, but its true. and thats partially on him.</p><p><em>James</em>: i'm sure, and i'm sorry</p><p><em> Lily: </em> but...and a big but...when people dont have money, it colours everything. i know a lot of people driven to desperate, sometimes embarrassing or humiliating things bc they dont have it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> stuff like this? With peter? It happens over time. A thousand small decisions</p><p><em> Lily: </em> again, not an excuse, but</p><p><em> Lily: </em> when its family, its different. u don’t always have to agree with the shit they pull. and you don’t have to trust them again right away, or even ever? but for your own sake sometimes its good to just have it forgiven</p><p><em> James: </em>have you been talking to my mum</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no but do you want me to talk to her more?</p><p><em> James: </em>would you talk about me?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> absolutely</p><p><em> James: </em>then absolutely not</p><p><em> James: </em>thx for talking thru this with me. i really appreciate it lily</p><p><em> Lily: </em> &lt;3</p><p><em> James: </em>do your fucking homework</p><p><em> Lily: </em> *salute emoji* *middle finger emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to Marauders </em>: all right lads. im doing it</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> u fucking are Not</p><p><em> James: </em>yeah...its happening. Weve talked about this literally every day for weeks, mate</p><p><em> James: </em>its more for our sake than his even? It was shitty and scummy, what he did</p><p><em> James: </em>but he testified. He saved mr wickham. He used every last penny he paid to get the girls to london for franks’ thing</p><p><em> James: </em>and hes left us alone. Mostly</p><p><em> James: </em>padfoot you cant leave me alone if you think im the slightest bit upset</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> vice versa??</p><p><em> James: </em>i love u babe, but im not sure what else he could do at this point. i know id want you arseholes to forgive me</p><p><em> James </em>: and u would</p><p><em> Remus: </em> agreed on all counts, except the babe part</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> fucking fine, ive no intention of fucking trusting him right away tho</p><p><em> James: </em>same</p><p>
  <em> Peter Pettigrew has been added to the group chat. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to</em> <em>james &lt;3: </em>did you do it?</p><p><em> James: </em>yes</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and how are things?</p><p><em> James: </em>so awkward, even in text</p><p><em> James: </em>he’s staying with his mum, not at lupins </p><p><em> Lily: </em> understandable</p><p><em> James: </em>but its a start</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and how are you? really, no bullshit</p><p><em> James: </em>im</p><p><em> James: </em>i forgave him, which was a relief you’re right</p><p><em> James: </em>and i feel better abt the whole thing actually</p><p><em> Lily: </em> good</p><p><em> Lily: </em> the girls are all out dress shopping so im doing homework</p><p><em> James: </em>playing sims??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> obviously</p><p><em> James: </em>what’s your sim family got up to lately?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> idk what you’re talking about???</p><p><em> James: </em>interestingly enough, i think u do, evans. marlene talked to moony abt maths something or other and she mentioned your (completely hypothetical) sims family</p><p><em> James: </em>heard ur fake husband is pretty fit</p><p><em> Lily: </em> im going to die</p><p><em> James: </em>only a sim death tho, id hate to lose u</p><p><em> Lily: </em> *middle finger emoji*</p><p><em> James: </em>&lt;3</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Alice Hopkins to Frank</em>: Hi Frank. Yes, I’d like to chat sometime. I’m free at 5?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. 12. Runaway Train</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes</em>: i have News!!</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> u sound like u-know-who lil</p><p><em> Lily: </em> hush!! </p><p><em> Mary: </em> good or bad news?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> bad, better, or best actually</p><p><em> Alice: </em> best news first</p><p><em> Lily: </em> we have a new kitten!!</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>petty isnt going to like that????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> petunia doesn’t live here anymore so she needn’t Ever know</p><p><em> Mary: </em> actually on that note, i have the Best news but i’ll let lily have a go</p><p><em> Lily: </em> better than a kitten?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> yes, but first...how did you get the kitten</p><p><em> Lily: </em> heres the thing, while you three were out dress shopping....snape showed up</p><p><em> Mary: </em> he fucking Didnt</p><p><em> Lily: </em> he fucking did! the bastard</p><p><em>Lily</em>: showed up w/ a kitten????? and ofc i was momentarily distracted by cuteness??? (shes a little oreo n ive already named her   double stuffed!)</p><p><em>Lily</em>: but goddamn if the shit spewing from snapes mouth didnt snap me to attention?</p><p><em>Lily</em>: he tried to justify his actions.....like they were doing it for 'genetic purism' and the 'greater good of cat breeding.' and the kitten sales incidental, like just a means to end to 'funding their operations' — which i guess is the propaganda incel bullshit? — debt free???</p><p><em>Lily</em>: like buddy thats now how it works.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: he srsly thought that a kitten would make up for all of his fuckery!! </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> to clarify, you do have the kitten??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well he started some victim blaming line of bullshit, and then started in on potter, and i just</p><p><em> Lily: </em> swiped the kitten with my left hand and punched him with my right</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it felt great!!!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> oh, lily</p><p><em> Alice: </em> good for you! he's a terrible boy. perhaps that’ll set him on the right path?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> al, thats the most unforgiving thing ive ever heard you say abt someone???  im so proud</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> did u call the police??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i did but of course he'd disappeared</p><p><em> Lily: </em> at least i finally had justification to file that restraining order and they know hes in town</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> double cross our fingers he’ll fuck up soon then</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Mary, what’s your good news?</p><p><em> Mary: </em>well...i bought our house bc my financial advisor said its a good investment strategy? so we can stay here as long as we want</p><p><em> Lily: </em> oh my god </p><p><em> Lily: </em> no more pet holding shit over my head?</p><p><em> Alice: </em> free rent even though i’m nearly done with school?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> as many cats as we want??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> thats so amazing i forgot about my broken hand for a min!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Your fucking /what/????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> whoops thats the bad news</p><p><em> Lily: </em> worth it though!</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> disagree</p><p><em> Mary: </em> agree with mar!!!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> me toooo lily OMG</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you all thought it was amazing a minute ago???</p><p><em> Mary: </em> but your hand is broken??? i know hes a slimeball but damn</p><p><em> Alice: </em> not worth hurting yourself for sure</p><p><em> Lily: </em> im bringing the kitten to london</p><p><em> Mary: </em> obviously</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> im bringing Lydia</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Obviously!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง</em><em>: </em> tell me its true</p><p><em> Lily: </em> the hand or snape? bc BOTH are true</p><p><em> James: </em>you are absolutely fucking amazing, lily evans</p><p><em> Lily: </em>wait. u arent going to scold me like literally everyone else in my life?????</p><p><em> James: </em>why the fuck would i do that? 1000% worth it</p><p><em> James: </em>*fist bump emoji* (good hand obviously)</p><p><em> James: </em>omg evans why are u so slow at typing</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i have a broken hand?????</p><p><em> James: </em>…..my mum texts faster than you</p><p><em> Lily: </em> *middle finger emoji*</p><p><em> James: </em>omg if i saw you right now you couldnt give me the middle finger</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I have two hands, Potter </p><p><em> Lily: </em> but you won't see either bc youre 'being responsible' tonight</p><p><em> James: </em>you keep bringing that up...</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i just dont want to deal with a moping sirius all night...one afternoon together and he thinks were mates now??</p><p><em> James: </em>you sure that’s it?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Yep</p><p><em> James: </em>ur so fucking obnoxious, lily</p><p><em> Lily: </em> *middle finger emoji*</p><p><em> James: </em>...did you really take the kitten</p><p><em> Lily: </em> how do you even KNOW this</p><p><em> James: </em>my mum</p><p><em> Lily: </em> that goes both ways, you know???</p><p><em> James: </em>no it doesnt? shes My mum and completely loyal</p><p><em> Lily: </em>lmao ok.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: i know you got your face scratched up by a cat named jinxy yesterday (your mum)</p><p><em>Lily</em>: you named those four rescues after crisps brands (also your mum)</p><p><em>Lily</em>: you fell off your bicycle and scraped your knee and cried just this morning (ALSO your mum)</p><p><em>Lily</em>: AND last tuesday your mates hid every scrap of clothing and you had to go to breakfast with a drape wrapped around your waist (actually you told me abt that nvmd) </p><p><em> James: </em>i dont like this game why are you texting my mum</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you told me to</p><p><em> James: </em>i told you /not/ to</p><p><em> Lily: </em> we like the same podcasts james, how can I not? *middle finger emoji*</p><p><em> James: </em>also you are a bloody stalker</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i may be a snoop but im also 'fucking amazing' remember?</p><p><em> Lily: </em>ps, yes i did keep the kitten!</p><p><em> James: </em>absolutely fucking amazing</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fuck ive gotta get ready to go</p><p><em> James: </em>and ive gotta go to work</p><p><em> Lily: </em> enjoy!</p><p><em> James: </em>you too</p><p><em> James: </em>have pity and send me a pic??? of the cat I mean</p><p><em> Lily: </em> *salute emoji* *middle finger emoji*</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to loopy</em>: Hey uhh remus where are you guys </p><p><em> Lily: </em> this place is HUGE and we know nobody </p><p><em> Remus: </em> Oh hey! Lily! We’re at the the bar!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Come quick we’re doinf shots i;ll get extra!!!!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> Hey lily sorry about all the times i was mean about ur family and ur dress sense and ur ankles!!! Come do shots with us!!!!</p><p><em> Remus: </em> sorry that was sirius </p><p><em> Lily: </em> He was mean about my ankles? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> nvm, we’re on our way </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to mother of my child: </em>okay don’t be obvious </p><p><em> Lily: </em> but 4 o’clock!!!!!</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> that doesn’t work if we’re standing in different places facing in different directions</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Fine, under the giant paper maché cocoon </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> YES, ALICE!!!! </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> brb i have 2 get 20 quid off mary, unrelated </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> Hey Al, don’t reply 2 this or let this distract u keep doin what ur doing but i just wanted to let u know that i love u and im happy for u and im proud for u and frank is a lucky boy okay??? Have fun!!!!!! Xoxoxox</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to frankie baby</em>: ok to take the music bc its dry as fukc???</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> gr8</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to kittymama</em>: where is mary that slippery little toad she owes me </p><p><em> Lily: </em> idk last time i saw her she was on remus’s shoulders ???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> also she did just buy us all a hosue</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> oh so we’re keeping track now huh </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to potters babe</em>: where r uat?</p><p><em> Lily: </em>the bar? duh? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> frank has nevr done tequila salt nd lime b4?? What kind of friends are u?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> listen u nd ur mates wanna bail? We kno a gd place Up the road</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Oh Sjirius ur so rich sometimes </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> what??????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you dnt LEAVE a free bar at 10pm ???/</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> I’ll buy?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Give us an hour </p><p><em> Lily: </em> nd put on some oasis!!!</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> i truly dk what he sees n u </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to fleabag: </em>nice snap???? unfair, mate</p><p><em>James</em>: (also thx tho)</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to maryyyyyy</em>: mary….. </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> where’d the karaoke machine come from?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> you know im never unprepared </p><p><em> Mary: </em> Dont You Want Me?????</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> …</p><p><em> Mary: </em> you can sing the phillip oakley part this time </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> Fine</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to potters babe:</em> lsten</p><p><em>Lily</em>: ur SO good at pics n can u send a sexy pic of this dress for ur shitty boyfriend??? make him regret his life choices</p><p><em>Sirius</em>: alrdy did that when u wre dancing </p><p><em>Lily</em>: &lt;33333333333333333</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Alice Hopkins to ily evans</em>: Hey Lil u okay!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Yeah! I’m grand! Havin fun!</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Ok bc you’ve been staring into ur vodka lemonade for fifteen minutes now </p><p><em> Lily: </em> watching the bubbles</p><p><em> Alice: </em> …..</p><p><em> Lily: </em> fine. Idk. i guess i wanted to see james?? I havent seen him Properly since everything happened</p><p><em> Lily: </em> And he just didnt COME nd i cant complain because he’s helping out cats in need and doing something gd with his life so it’d be dead selfish of me to moan about it?? But i kinda wanna moan abt it anyway???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> IDK im just being dramatic bc im  kinda drunk? nbd </p><p><em> Alice: </em> u dont have to be drunk to miss someone you care about, lils</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no senssible nonsense pls </p><p><em> Lily: </em> OMG the supremes  </p><p><em> Lily: </em> can i steal u from frank for this oNE song</p><p><em> Alice: </em> coming im All Urs xoxoxo</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง</em><em>: </em> saw ur snap...</p><p><em> James: </em>cant believe sirius and remus thought they could get away w singing lady marmalde w/o me and pete?? Its CLEARLY  a four person song ???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> me and alice are going 2 go rescue them . never fear </p><p><em> Lily: </em> i do a Great christina</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to potters babe: </em>Callign it. Last song</p><p><em> Lily: </em> make it a gd one then? </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง</em><em>: </em> u literally just snapped sirius’s arse</p><p><em> Lily: </em> hey babe</p><p><em> Lily: </em> did u like it?</p><p><em> James: </em>????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> its me</p><p><em> Lily: </em> mr steal yo girl </p><p><em> James: </em>oh my God</p><p><em> James: </em>and rly??? Gasolina WITHOUT me??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> shoulda been here bithch </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> will frak be mad if we bail nd to go to a club??</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Nope </p><p><em> Alice: </em> I think he’d be quite reielieved to gte away from his colllegeus actully. He’s quite d </p><p><em> Alice: </em> D runk </p><p><em> Lily: </em> Excellent. Meet us in the foyay </p><p><em> Lily: </em> Foiay </p><p><em> Alice: </em> Foyer ???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ur so smart  &lt;3 </p><p> </p><p> —</p><p> </p><p><em>  James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง</em><em>: </em> That doesnt look like the natural history museum </p><p><em> Lily: </em> we’re at da cluuuurb lol </p><p><em> James: </em>i s2g if u end up getting a stomach pump on my m8s watch ????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I;ll give U  a stomach pump hahahhahahahah </p><p><em> Lily: </em> miss u</p><p><em> James: </em>…..</p><p><em> James: </em>miss u too</p><p> </p><p> —</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to gal pAL: </em> AL where r u im talkign to ur sexi new boyf!!!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> he misses you!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> he just bought another round of glitter bombs </p><p><em> Alice: </em> glitter bombs?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> like jaeger bombs! But wiht glitter!!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Edible i think </p><p><em> Alice: </em> sounds delish save me one!!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> he sure talks a lot when he’s drunk, huh</p><p> </p><p> —</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to kittymama</em>: hey where are u? I havent seen u since you went to the bathroom half an hr ago?</p><p><em> Marlene</em>: lily???</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> this is why i didnt want u 2 go alone its basic girl code ????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Im fine im in the smoking area </p><p><em> Lily: </em> fresh air</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> okay well</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> we’re getting an uber 2 ally pally to see the sunrise!!!  meet you out front?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> u got it </p><p> </p><p> —</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to auntie</em>: Auntie????? Please tell me you’re up</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Of course, dear. It’s 5:30. How was the party?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> still going on. (dont look @ my snapchat auntie)</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I have never felt less compulsion to do so, I assure you.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ok good. all watching the sunrise at alexandra palace. sobering up.</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Lovely. And how are Frank and Alice getting on?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> snogging w/int he first half hr but thats hardly the point right now</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I rather believed that was the general purpose of your visit?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it was! until frank let it slip that james was the one behind lydia’s rescue??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> actually he told me hours ago but im just now remembering</p><p><em> Lily: </em> AND when i said 'wait. what???' him he turned beet red n changed the subject?</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> I’m afraid I can’t help you there, dear.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> pls??? I got some details but he’s snogging Alice again. </p><p><em> Lily</em>: But you were there with him!? Is it true? </p><p><em>Minerva:</em> Perhaps you ought to ask him then. It’d be breaking confidence.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> so there Are confidences to break???</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> He didn’t want you to know, Lily.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well i’d ask him but hes not here??? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> auntie you have to tell me. i wont be able to rest until i know!</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Well, alright. But you’re going to want to sit down...it’s a long story. I’ll call you.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: im in love with James Potter???</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>having an obscenely early working breakfast with Aubrey and his aunt, i’d rather be in love w James Potter than here</p><p><em> Lily: </em> im serious!!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>still drunk? </p><p><em> Lily: </em>dead sober actually...its all worn off</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>then explain</p><p><em> Lily: </em> like, we’re watching the sunrise and its gorgeous and its tragic bc im in love w James Potter and hes not here</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>oh. OH wow. james potter? i am shocked!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> this isnt the appropriate level of shock</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>well Alice said you were coming around</p><p><em> Lily</em>: i am in LOVE with James Potter!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>oh wow, you’re in love with James Potter! so glad you’re are finally going to have terrible hetero sex soon</p><p><em> Lily: </em> better </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>shit, bertram just saw that</p><p><em> Lily: </em> shit!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>ill track him down</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no actually. i dont give a fuck if he knows...it’ll keep him at bay </p><p><em> Lily: </em> also, i need your help</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>with what</p><p><em>Lily:</em> Dorcas, with this??? what do i do here? Whats my move?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> we’re like, friends. good friends!  -ish, lately. texting every day? i dont want to fuck that up</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>no good on straight romance sorry</p><p><em> Lily: </em> pretend its you?</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>can’t see it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> try!</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>this is homophobia</p><p><em>Dorcas</em>: but fine. you’re sure it’s love?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> well idk about Love actually. but its Something</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em> bigger or smaller than your love for cat halloween costumes</p><p><em> Lily: </em>mmmm....dont tell him, but smaller</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>cher’s twitter account?</p><p><em> Lily: </em>definitely bigger</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>then go to that cat shelter and bang his brains out?</p><p><em> Lily: </em>omG thats the best idea youve ever had bye!!</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to auntie</em>: dont be alarmed??? Im using the emergency visa and its Fine but i promise it IS an emergency</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> More than ice cream at tesco?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> for sure</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> What’s going on then?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> its for Love</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Tell young Potter hi from me, then.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Sirius Black to the scary one</em>: wheres ur mate evans</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>im literally not with u</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> but where is evans</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>u care abt evans aww Black thats so sweet</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> u lot need to get that tracking app its so helpful</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Druella Black to Miss Evans</em>: Surely you know why I am texting you, Miss Evans! Your conscience must tell you why.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Might my conscience tell me who this is first?</p><p><em> Druella: </em> Mrs Druella de Black, Miss Evans.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Oh wow. What an honor?</p><p><em> Druella: </em> However sarcastic your reply, I am known for my frankness, especially in unsavoury situations such as these. </p><p><em> Lily: </em>ok. Situations such as…what?</p><p><em> Druella: </em> I have heard a most alarming rumor that you intend to court my nephew, James Potter!</p><p><em>Druella</em>: Of course, this must be a scandalous lie. Still, I procured your number from Miss Meadowes.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> OK…............... </p><p><em> Lily: </em>If it’s so impossible why bother texting me??</p><p><em> Druella: </em> To hear it contradicted, of course. Also to make my sentiments known!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> lmao...how can I contradict a rumor I’ve never heard of</p><p><em> Druella: </em> You feign ignorance?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I guess I’m not ‘frank’ like you. You can ask questions but idk if I’ll answer.</p><p><em> Druella: </em> Has my nephew made you an offer, Miss Evans?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> 1. An offer???? Its NOT 1813?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> 2. if he had, you’d be the last person I’d tell!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> 3. he’s not even your nephew???</p><p><em> Druella: </em> Do you know who I am?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> not James’s aunt?</p><p><em> Druella: </em> I am not used to being spoken to like this! I am in fact his dearest distant relation.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> but you aren’t any relation of mine, Mrs Black</p><p><em> Druella: </em> This will never happen!</p><p><em> Lily: </em>why are you worried about him having a relationship with me?</p><p><em>Druella: </em>Because, Miss Evans, James Potter is destined for great things. And you, a state school, orphaned, gold-digging charity case from a mill town are not one of them. You would be despised by his family and friends, and your relationship would be a disgrace. James would be of course disowned by his entire extended family, same as his mother. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> good thing my fit, clever, charming boyfriend would ease my pain from losing your invite to christmas dinner </p><p><em> Druella: </em> Obstinate, headstrong girl! I’m ashamed of you! This is your gratitude for my attentions this spring? I’m not used to being told no.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> definitely sounds like something to discuss in therapy </p><p><em> Druella: </em> If you were a sensible girl, Lily Evans, you’d quit this nonsense immediately. Tell me once and for all, are you together?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> we aren’t</p><p><em> Druella: </em>Now promise me that if he offers, you will turn him down.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> can’t do that</p><p><em> Druella: </em>I expected to find a more reasonable young woman. Miss Evans, I shall not leave this conversation until you agree.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I excel in debate, your arguments are prejudiced bullshit, and you’re SO mistaken in my character if you think I’m going to give in because you wrote a (crappy and overrated) poem once.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: You have NO RIGHT to concern yourself in my affairs!</p><p><em> Druella: </em> You say that, but what of your own sister, expecting a child conceived out of wedlock? Do you really believe for a moment that her gown hid her condition? </p><p><em> Lily: </em>cruella, you’ve insulted me, my friends, and my family in ways I didn’t know were possible. This conversation is Over.</p><p><em> Druella: </em> You selfish girl! I’ll be discussing this with James next!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> blocked</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to dork ass</em>: @druelladeville you soggy cunt thats not how dating works</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>this isnt twitter Lils</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i know but i cant tweet that @ an old woman no matter how vile she is so im just getting it out of my system???</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>my babe is growing up</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i mean im cert i just fucked things up for you? im so sorry</p><p><em> Lily</em>: and i definitely owe mrs potter an apology for the funding loss??</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i quit the moment she took my phone outta my hands so (凸ಠ益ಠ)凸</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>packing my bags now. I’ve enough experience for my cv to make this worth it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ok good</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>Lily u know everything she said abt you is shit, right?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> is the bit bout petunia true??</p><p><em> Dorcas</em>: oh i mean...not that part. everyone knew</p><p><em> Lily: </em>how did i not know this?? no one even said anything to me???? </p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>i’m so sorry lils. we thought you knew and just didn’t want to talk about it? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> nope. can’t believe i didn’t realise my own sister was pregnant? god, tuney must be so upset</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>no one cares about it, Lils. literally. </p><p>Dorcas: well no one except Pet and Cruella. and she’s a soggy cunt, so</p><p><em> Lily: </em> its fine im just gonna nap for a bit</p><p><em> Dorcas: </em>convincing</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Marlene McKinnon to maryyyyyy</em>: mary where are u?????? w lil?</p><p><em> Mary: </em> lmaoo no lupin n i are climinbing that big tree we saw????</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> fuck</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> where is she </p><p><em> Marlene: </em> how the fuck did we lose her??</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Sirius Black to</em> <em>jam pot:</em> Listen </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> weve sobered</p><p><em> Sirius: </em>but also We might have lost track of evans exact whereabouts </p><p><em> James: </em>sorry u WHAT </p><p><em> Sirius: </em> not our fault! she was right there nd then she just? fucked off?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> i mean shed also sobered up, mostly. she’s probs fine?</p><p><em> Sirius: </em> its HARDLY my fault none of them wear tracking devices jam</p><p><em> James: </em>Oh my god </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง</em>: where are you??? Sirius said you went missing???????</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Lily Evans has received three missed calls from potato head, boiled. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง</em>: Lily!!!! Frank told me let slip that I helped get lydia back. And my ‘aunt’ is sending me screenshots i hope to hell are fake. answer me pls???</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em>Alice Hopkins to Aunt M</em>: Hi Aunt Minerva. I’m so sorry to bother you so early (and I don’t mean to alarm you), but we can’t find Lily and we’re all super worried about her? Have you heard from her at all?</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Thank you for texting, Alice dear. Lily has wonderful friends! Without revealing details, I have heard from her. She's safe and I don’t believe you have any reason for concern. </p><p><em> Alice: </em> Oh thank God</p><p><em> Minerva: </em> Enjoy the rest of your sunrise.</p><p><em> Alice: </em> &lt;3 </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> James Potter to lily ( </em> <em> ง </em> <em> '̀-'́) </em> <em> ง:</em> and everyone is worried bc you just fucking disappeared in the middle of london???</p><p><em> James: </em>and i know ur aunt said you were probably fine but Still??????</p><p><em> James: </em>lily?????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> its fine im just having a panic attack on a train</p><p><em> James: </em>thats kind of an inconvenient place to have a panic attack???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> tell me abt it</p><p><em> James: </em>like the tube, or</p><p><em> Lily: </em> different train. loads of trees actually</p><p><em> Lily</em>: excellent hiking country</p><p><em> James: </em>please tell me frank &amp; my aunt didnt drive you from london?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> they kind of did actually but not in the way that you think</p><p><em> James: </em>lily….talk to me?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i Really dont want to have this conversation over the phone james</p><p><em> James: </em>well i dont want to Not have it? Whats going on</p><p><em> Lily: </em> facetime at least? I look like a fucking troll but honestly who gives a fuck. Unless you’re ft sirius?</p><p><em> James: </em>1. I dont give a fuck 2. Im not ALWAYS facetiming sirius</p><p><em> Lily: </em>lmao yes you do. Its almost as cute as it is obnoxious</p><p><em> James: </em>!!!</p><p><em> Lily: </em> hush. I need to get through this. Facetime?</p><p><em> James: </em>i wish? but i have four kittens on my lap and i cant disturb them so</p><p><em> Lily: </em>dying w/ jealousy</p><p><em> James: </em>theyre very cute its true</p><p><em> Lily: </em>oh my GOD this is all very different in the movies. why is the entire film industry full of lies??? i feel cheated</p><p><em> James: </em>lily, what in the hell is going on?</p><p><em>James</em>: ps are we just gonna pass by 'cute' comment?? bc i'd like to circle back</p><p><em> Lily: </em> james NO, like</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ok so heres the deal</p><p><em> Lily: </em>had a LOVELY chat w/ my aunt a bit ago, she filled me in on the details frank didnt</p><p><em> James</em>: ??</p><p><em> Lily: </em> dont play ignorant you twat!</p><p><em>Lily</em>: risking your life to save lydia??? paying off that hacker? you literally broke the law to find information on lyddy! who does that??? You couldve gone to jail dyou know that??? casually sucking up to your old professor to get lydia on front page of the buzzfeed?? you did that? like what the fuck? like I thought we were pulling it off but it was all you, at every turn? </p><p><em> Lily: </em> The Dark Web, Potter?</p><p><em> Lily: </em>sending sirius here?? not to mention you went to riddle’s breeding farm not knowing what you were walking into??? those people are heartless, cat stealing, criminal monsters and you just waltzed in with your mates and stole Lydia back??? That is so fucking dangerous!!</p><p><em> James: </em>fuck. i thought i could trust your aunt not to tell you</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Im persuasive, you know this </p><p><em> James: </em>I do </p><p><em> Lily: </em> Plus that isn’t the Point right now</p><p><em> James: </em>listen, lily. i know it sounds really crazy when you lay it all out like that....but it was just the decent thing to do</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it was more than decent it was actually really fucking brilliant of you</p><p><em> James: </em>wait, what?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you fantastic madman</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and you somehow pulled all of this off whilst CONCURRENTLY running an entire charity football tournament on your own like</p><p><em> Lily: </em> you know how I hate to inflate your ego but thats insane, james</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and i cant ever repay you and i dont have words for how amazing it all is?? and how amazing you are?</p><p><em> James: </em>wait, what?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> look, potter. i'm on a Train coming to see YOU</p><p><em> James: </em>you are????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> yeah. It was supposed to be this grand romantic thing? But instead im crying on a fucking train and my mascara’s run and i didnt bring any clothes??? I dont even have a toothbrush and i already vomited at the station. And my handbag is meowing, but thats just the kitten?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i blame dorcas and a lot of champagne</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i didnt think this through at all actually But i just</p><p><em>Lily</em>: i wanted to see you. like a lot. </p><p><em> James: </em>mutual</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and thank you</p><p><em> Lily: </em> and snog you properly for once</p><p><em> James: </em>MUTUAL</p><p><em> Lily: </em> &lt;3</p><p><em> James: </em>but then why the tears? regret???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> no, your fucking aunt! </p><p><em> Lily: </em>like listen, i had no problems telling her off in the moment but…she has a way of cutting to the heart of the issue???</p><p><em> James: </em>shes full of shit, evans</p><p><em> James: </em>i only see her for the donations </p><p><em> James: </em>saw her* that’s clearly done now</p><p><em> James: </em>none of the shit she said about you is true</p><p><em> Lily: </em> thats the some of the same shit you said about me when you asked me out though</p><p><em> James: </em>and i was a fucking arse and it came out all wrong and i owe you an apology. a big, proper one. my brain sort of malfunctions when im around you but thats not a proper excuse</p><p><em> Lily: </em> it isnt, you’re right</p><p><em> James: </em>but lily evans<em>, </em>you ARE incredible, d’you know that?  And if i’m reading this all wrong just tell me to shut up I will, I fucking swear it</p><p><em> Lily: </em> ...kind of hard to misread someone coming on a train and saying they want to snog u, but go on</p><p><em> James: </em>I cant breathe when im around you, evans. it literally knocks the wind out of me?  And its not just because youre beautiful (you are though)...you’re…</p><p><em> Lily: </em> obnoxious and absolutely fucking amazing?</p><p><em> James: </em>thats the one</p><p><em> Lily: </em> mutual</p><p><em> Lily: </em> i dont give a fuck about your money, that you have loads of it? or about your posh family</p><p><em> James: </em>and i dont give a fuck about yours???</p><p><em> Lily: </em> &lt;3</p><p><em> James: </em>and i love that you eviscerate me when I need it (and I did)</p><p><em> James: </em>and that I have to work for your approval</p><p><em> James: </em>my friends all love u, not to mention my mum? </p><p><em> James: </em>lily you are brave and funny and clever and all i want in the world most days is to make you laugh</p><p><em>James</em>: your facetimes w/ mr wickham are the highlight of my day</p><p><em>James</em>: god i wish this wasnt via text</p><p><em> James: </em>your friends are your family? i get it. and you've accepted my friends. you forgave peter?? and your friends...they grow on a person. they're a package deal with you and i'm good with that.</p><p><em>James</em>: I’m really, really into you lily. absolutely mad for you actually</p><p><em> James: ....</em>u feeling any better?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I mean im crying happy tears now? and mutual. god sirius wld never forgive me for this earnestness but I’m really, really into you james</p><p><em> Lily: </em> also im pulling into town</p><p><em> James: </em>and you’re coming here, right?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> do you want me to?</p><p><em> James: </em>damn straight i do</p><p><em> Lily: </em>and you know what’s better than a picture? did sirius send you head to toe shot? bc im wearing those fuck me heels you accidentally liked on fb. a buckle is missing but like, its ok.</p><p><em> James: </em>good thing bc that dress is not long for this world, evans.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> there’s that charm.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> just have to find a chemists to grab a toothbrush and i am on. my. Way.</p><p><em> James: </em>Xx (literally and metaphorically)</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p><em> Lily Evans to lyddy’s babes: </em> … Heyyyyyyyyy</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> 172 ignored messages</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: 10 hours</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> &amp; all u have is ‘hey’?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. I should have told you where I was going it was stupid and selfish </p><p><em> Lily: </em> Idk where my head was this morning??? Pls forgive me</p><p><em> Alice: </em> Its fine lily don’t let her rile you up. </p><p><em> Alice: </em> james texted us while you were getting a toothbrush</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Oh, okay good. </p><p><em> Lily: </em> Still. That should have been me </p><p><em> Mary: </em> we’ll forgive you if you give us details?</p><p><em> Lily: </em> … details?</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> dont play dumb</p><p><em> Marlene: </em> u &amp; potter!!!! </p><p><em> Lily: </em> We’re…</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Good. </p><p><em> Alice: </em> What kind of good.</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Very good. Incredibly good.</p><p><em>Mary: </em>well thank god. about damn time!</p><p><em>Lily</em>: Annoyingly good, actually. It's wild because.... who would've guessed we'd end up together?</p><p><em>Alice</em>: oh, i definitely did</p><p><em>Marlene</em>: same</p><p><em>Dorcas</em>: Same!</p><p><em>Mary</em>: you two were kind of pathetic there towards the end, actually</p><p><em>Lily</em>: ANYWAY</p><p><em>Lily</em>: ...turns out he feels the same way i do? </p><p><em>Marlene</em>: duh</p><p><em>Lily</em>: AND it's kind of fantastic. we've been...so stupid, and</p><p><em>Lily</em>: ...i think we both needed to grow up a bit and just...get past our bullshit? idk.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: at the risk of making dorcas vomit, it's pretty great. he's pretty great.</p><p><em>Lily</em>: nd not that i'd kiss and tell mar, but he's a bloody amazing snog</p><p><em>Marlene: </em>KNEW IT</p><p><em>Mary:</em> ew</p><p>Alice: thats wonderful, lils. and you’re happy????</p><p><em> Lily: </em> Yeah. Yeah I really am. :)</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>U wish (@shining star) tweeted</em>: @heavensevans look its u "titty_luvr: I HAVE RESCINDED ALL CALLOUTS OF BEATRICE AKA THE ENDLESS WITCH. She is now my girlfriend (long story)"</p><p><em>lilyflower (@heavensevans) replied:</em> @shiningstar STOP sending me this meme!!! get a job!</p><p><em>lilyflower (@heavensevans) replied: </em>@shiningstar also weve been dating for 18 months??? delayed reaction lmao </p><p><em>lilyflower (@heavensevans) replied: </em>@shiningstar love u tho MISS U, ft me soon!!!</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Buzzfeed Celebrity</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>: The 10 Most Anticipated Celebrity Weddings!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>Number 5. Lydia and Mr Wickham</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes, we’re fur real!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This purr-fect darling <span class="u">LyddyKitty</span> stole our hearts and became the unwilling face of the </span>
  <span>Tom Riddle (sometimes styled Lord Voldemort) scandal <span class="u">when she was kidnapped last year</span></span>
  <span>. The viral hashtag </span>
  <span>#<span class="u">bringlyddyhome</span> was created by </span>
  <span>Surrey woman whose husband has been </span>
  <span class="u">
    <span>under investigation for a fraudulent GoFundMe fundraising attempt</span>
  </span>
  <span> (although no formal charges against the man have been filed. The cat couples’ publicist, Dorcas Meadowes, has confirmed that the woman is merely an estranged housemate and is ‘in no way’ related to the pending nuptials. </span>
  <span>Lydia’s alleged kidnapper, Severus Snape, </span>
  <span>has been <span class="u">apprehended</span></span>
  <span class="u">
    <span> and </span>
    <span>faces pending charges </span>
  </span>
  <span>ranging from stalking to pet endangerment in three counties. (We’re not kitten!) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heavy mews, but don’t let those catastrophic scandals have you feline down. The upcoming charity wedding is a triumph, given all this dynamic duo has had to overcome! </span>
  <span>We’ve watched with delight as the Lydia/Wickham love story has unfolded on Instagram over the past 18 months, first with their </span>
  <span>reunion</span>
  <span>, and their subsequent adoption of kitten Double Stuffed, called DiDi for short</span>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adoring cat fans worldwide were thrilled when that brood's mothers, Marlene McKinnon and Lily Evans announced a Christmas wedding fundraiser to benefit the </span>
  <span>Pemberley Feline Sanctuary</span>
  <span> (run by cat activist, Euphemia Potter). </span>
  <span>Local Tiddlestout resident, a very excited Bathilda Bagshot, whose quick action saved the venue, Netherfield, from burning to the ground more than two years ago, is quoted as saying of the adorable couple…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia Dursley to Evans, Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> You can’t really think I’d attend this thing given the ridiculous and unfounded investigation into Vernon’s affairs, did you?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> no i didn't, but thought I’d send you an invite just the same </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> tell dudders I said hi &lt;3</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans, we’re sorry to see you go! Are you sure you want to unsubscribe </span>
    <span>petunia.dursley@gmail.com</span>
    <span> from all OK Cupid mailing lists?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>LyddyKitty posted to Instagram</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Ten million subscribers! We’re so humbled by your support! The votes are in and Miss Lydia’s wedding dress has been decided! Please enjoy this video of her dress fitting (featuring the vocal stylings of friend Mary MacDonald)! #lyddykitty #lydiathecat #lydiaandwickham #mrslydiawickham #marymacdonald</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tiddlestout Butterfly Migration Postcard to Lily Evans: </span>
  </em>
  <span>How I miss you! Having a blast tracking our lady through the desert. Had to drop a postcard because, sit down, we eloped last night! Don’t be sore, we didn’t want a fuss, it was perfect! I’ve never been happier! Enjoy the (other) wedding next week. We’ll catch up after YOUR trip!!! xo, Alice (</span>
  <span>Longbottom</span>
  <span>!!)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This album is dedicated to my housemates, the best cat in the world, Miss Lydia, and recent </span>
  <em>
    <span>X-factor </span>
  </em>
  <span>judge, music coach extraordinaire Sirius Black (though he’ll never forgive me for outing him like this). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Petunia Dursley to Hopkins, Alice: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Congratulations, Mrs Longbottom! Whatever the strain between my sister and myself, I wanted to be the bigger person and wish you the best happiness in this new chapter of your life. Us marrieds have to stick together! B-W (be well)!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter has changed his Facebook relationship to</span>
  </em>
  <span> — </span>
  <b>in a relationship with Lily Evans.</b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva McGonagall, Euphemia Potter, and 376 others liked this post.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans commented</span>
  </em>
  <span>: cant believe ur still updating life details on fb babe, embarrassing</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter commented</span>
  </em>
  <span>: isnt it not official until its fb official???? also i had to wait until the wedding was over, cldnt compete w/ the kitties!</span>
</p><p><em><span>Lily Evans</span></em> <em><span>commented</span></em><span>: 1. as per my tweet, weve been dating for More than a year. 2. how am i attracted to you</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James Potter commented</span>
  </em>
  <span>: 1. cant have u forgetting abt me while im stuck in uni and ur off adventuring on your gap term? 2. animal magnetism and also 3. that Thing u like</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Eupehmia Potter commented</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Darling, remember that conversations such as this are best kept for the boudoir or a private chat.</span>
</p><p><em><span>James Potter</span></em> <em><span>commented</span></em><span>: MUM</span></p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minerva McGonagall commented</span>
  </em>
  <span>: Or the greenhouse, if your mother is to be believed, James.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans commented</span>
  </em>
  <span>: im literally going to die</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily Evans to boudoir boy</span>
  </em>
  <span>: babe don’t be jealous bc I get to travel and you don’t!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>im not!!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James</span>
  </em>
  <span>: actually SO excited for u? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James</span>
  </em>
  <span>: so proud of you for spending $$ on something just for YOU</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James</span>
  </em>
  <span>: just cant believe ive only just moved here and now ur leaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> 1. 6 months ago 2. for two months, nerd 3. I’ll miss u 2 </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>missing u is really the crux of it</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> 4. can’t become a vet whilst skipping every other term babe</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>i hate it when you’re right</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> so always, like literally all the time?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> 5. w/ remus living w/ you for a term before he signs his life off for his doctorate &amp; pete establishing himself in london, it’s your job to make him relax every once in a while!</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>you’re right</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>again</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>goddamn it, evans, i don’t even mind when you’re right?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>I think I love you</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’d hope so, or else what are you doing w/ your life??</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> and ily2</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> nd ill miss u terribly</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> send me sexy snaps every day???</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>it will be a burden w/out sirius to aid me but u know i'll do my best</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>but hey can u please change my name from boudoir boy before your flight takes off?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> not a chance in hell mate</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>James: </span>
  </em>
  <span>didn’t think so</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lily:</span>
  </em>
  <span> xoxoxooooooo</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Can't believe this fic is over! Thank you so much for the comments and kudos -- they gave me life! I hope this fic has been as much a reprieve for you as it has been for me in these last few weeks. Wish Lily luck on her adventures!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This fic was a sometimes labor of love, sometimes nightmare for Chloe (a_lrightevans) and I. We added to it in bits and spurts with the general idea that no idea is too outrageous for consideration. Thanks first to Chloe, who gave me permission to finish and post the fic even though she didn't have time. A huge thank you to Kristina, Lila and Jayne for their beta work. Finally, thanks to those who patiently waited (for years!!) for this fic to drop. I hope you've found this to be the lighthearted, wild ride it was always intended to be. MEOW. </p><p>Chapters will update daily until complete!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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